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Food Allergy
MrsBeckO
member
Anxious about upcoming family trip (peanut allergy)
MrsBeckO
member
in Food Allergy
Every year in June, DH's entire extended family rents a bunch of lakehouses at a resort community about 2 hours away. Its always a lot of fun, and its the only time each year that we get to see a lot of those family members. However, my ILs are notorious for not taking DD's peanut allergy seriously. Its gotten to a point where I simply DO NOT trust my MIL and FIL to ever care for her without me there because of things they have said or done in the past re: her allergy. At smaller family functions (with just his immediate family present), you can bet there will be bowls of mixed nuts on the counter, peanut butter balls on the table, almonds in some salad or dish, etc... despite me sending out "friendly reminders" prior to these events. Its super frustrating, and really scary.. I can't let DD even walk away from me at these things because obviously she isn't old enough to distinguish what is safe and what is not.. and with so many cousins around, I can't trust that they won't nicely share something with her that has nuts in it. Its so hard, and makes me feel like I need to just keep her at home where she's safe... and this trip feels like it would be 10x worse because there are about double the number of people going. Lots of menus planned, food packed, tons of kids running around... Oy.
DH is insistent that we go this weekend and I've had a lot of pressure from my 2 SILs (who both have kids close to her age) to her to the lake trip. I looked up the closest hospital to where we're staying and its a 34 minute drive. Of course I will pack her meds and epipen, and bring her own food.. but I still feel like we will make all these preparations to pack and get out there, then get there and see that there are dangers around every corner and not have any fun. What's the point of even going with that huge potential?
I drafted up an email about her allergy to send to all the adults going and what precautions need to be taken, but I'm afraid to actually hit send. I'm afraid they will all think its crazy and burdensome for me to make these requests, and I'd almost rather just deal with the fallout with DH and say DD and I aren't going than deal with his family's reactions or put her in danger. And ya know.. even if I do send it, I can't trust that anyone/everyone would even take it seriously!
How would you or do you handle situations like these? Send the email and go? Plan to hover over DD's every move while we're there? Not go at all? Just pack all her own stuff, don't send the email, and hope for the best?
I'm really fretting about all this...
TIA.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Anxious about upcoming family trip (peanut allergy)
I'm of the opinion that this is your DH's family, and your DH is pushing you to go, so HE needs to address it with everyone. I wouldn't bother sending an email; who knows if everyone will read it. If he's insistent that you go, he needs to call everyone who will be bringing food, and explain that you all would love to join the vacation and really want to see everyone, but your daughter's life is on the line due to her severe allergy. Explain that this isn't an achoo/itchy eye allergy, this is a "insert-whatever-shocking-medical-issue-applies" allergy, and the nearest hospital is abc miles away. (so many people hear "food allergy" and think big whoop - they have no idea). He understands what an inconvenience it is to plan around someone else's allergy, but in order for your family to be able to relax at all, xyz precautions need to be met. I.e. if they want to bring nuts or PB, by all means do so, just please enjoy them in their own cabin. If there will be nuts/PB in a shared dish, please keep that dish clearly labeled and well out of reach of your daughter. Nobody is to give your daughter food without clearing it with you first. Every time. And that he and you will do your part to watch your daughter around all food, etc. Make it clear that the responsibility is not entirely on them, but that you two cannot bring your daughter to a nutty minefield either.
At least that's what I'd do.
I feel for you - this situation would cause me a great deal of anxiety too. Good luck!
That's a really tough situation. I would stress to your DH your concerns and the risks. I probably would not go but i'm in a very different situation - i don't speak to my MIL so it wouldn't be hard to say that we're not going. Your situation is different and also your DH want's to go.
The email sounds great. BUT, i would keep it very short! i can almost guarantee it that if you composed a long email explaining the situation, people would laugh. I would also have your DH write it or send it. And say in very short words something like this..
As everyone knows, DD has a severe peanut allergy. We want to have a great weekend with everyone so if you all can just make sure no one brings or has any peanuts at all on the trip. We would rather spend it with everyone instead of rushing to the hospital. And please remember that mixed nuts usually have peanuts in them also.
Attach a link to a video about allergies and what can happen. There are a ton on youtube. This one always gets me.
On top of it all, have your DH and you both call your IL that you worry about the most and stress to them.. even cry if you have to.
I can't imagine how hard it is. If you still don't feel comfortable after all of that i would not go. It's not worth to put your DD life at risk for a bunch of ignorant ppl.
I wouldn't go. I think your DH is an a$$ for not taking a stronger stance w/ his family over his childs safety.
We're going on a big group trip this summer and I am going to send out an email to everyone just to say we don't want it to be a big deal but we would also apprecaite their help in making sure DS doesn't eat anything he shouldn't.
I'm "lucky", though, in that DS's issue (celiac) isn't life-threatening. If he had an allergy that would require us rushing to the hospital, I might actually be saying "either the house needs to be ___ free or we're not going".
ESPECIALLY if I were dealing w/ people who I knew didn't take it seriously.
And ultimately, this goes to your DH. he needs to be your child's advocate. not his family's pansy.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
That is really scary! I would definately make my DH be the one who makes a stink about food safety.
I keep a picture of my son on my phone...from the ER and a close up of his face and eye swollen shut. THis way when people poo poo an allergy they can see first hand on a sweet baby how serious it can be.
You can attach a pic if you have one of your DD during a reaction or I can PM you my picture to scare the he(( out of your family!
I actually do have a few photos on my phone of her past reactions. That's a good idea to attach those to any future emails.
DH has talked to his family several times about it, but on this particular trip he feels like if we bring all her own food and watch her, she'll be fine... while I'm worried a lot more about the slew of "what if.." scenarios. Like what if the 4 year old cousin tries to share his snack with her to be nice and it has nuts or PB? What if someone makes a PB sandwich on the counter and doesn't wipe it down and we prepare DD's food and cross-contaminate?
DH totally gets the allergy, and 99.9% the time is a great advocate for her, but I think in this particular case he is trusting everyone else too much. We can't trust anyone, IMO.
Thanks for the advice.
I think our compromise is that DD and I will just make a day trip on Saturday so all I have to pack is lunch and snacks and I can spend one day hovering over her instead of 3 1/2. DH is staying the whole weekend, DD and I are not.
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