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Success after IF
naflmj
member
DH just did a 180 (vent)
naflmj
member
So, after we got our insurance approval yesterday, DH sends me an e-mail to a link to an article about the housing market crisis followed by, "I think we should wait another year before having another baby"....His job as a lumber broker is heavily reliant on the housing market but the market has s*cked a** for the past few years and we are managing fine. Seriously, you put that in a freaking E-MAIL?!
After talking to him, basically he said he'd go through with it but I know he doesn't want to and would rather wait a year. A year is arbitrary, there is no guarentee that the market would be better this time next year. I could see if he wanted to wait until G was in Kindergarten to save on daycare (not that I'd necessarily be willing). I am of the camp, I'd rather cut out things now to have a family than regret that I didn't make sacrifice later.
I would consider transferring 1 embryo to give us the smallest chance at having multiples even though I would love twins and we could afford it and G was a double transfer that resulted in a signleton. If we wait a year, I know I will resent him, I resent that he is even bringing this up now....why not before the FET that ended in m/c or before/right after our WTF appt? He says he wouldn't resent me if I want to do it now but I know he'll harp on it regardless and I don't want to ruin my marriage. At the same time, I feel like something's gotta give or I am going to be incredibly unhappy. There is no guarantee it will work the first time around either.
I am sorry this is rambling but I am so completely hurt and sad right now. I don't know where we go from here...we both know what we want and neither of us are looking like we'll let up. Any advice you may have would be much appreciated!
ETA: I realize this seems selfish on my part, I would not "make" him go through with this if he doesn't want to...I am just at a loss right now.
"Normal day, let me be aware of the treasured day you are. Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart...let me hold you while I may."
TTC #1- unexplained...lost left ovary 4/07 IUI #1 2/10/09-BFN IUI #2 3/5/09-BFN IVF # 1-BFP
TTC#2- FET 4/7/11 BFP, Natural mc 5/5/11 IVF#2 ER 9/13/11, ET 9/16/11, Beta #1 9/27/11 BFP 254 Beta #2 9/30/11 793 -Twins!
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Re: DH just did a 180 (vent)
I understand how you feel...DH kept pushing back when he was comfortable to TTC#2 as well. First it was when E turned 1, then 18 months, ect. He finally agreed that he felt ready to move forward.
It sucks, but I feel its more important to wait until both people in the relationship feel ready. I'd much rather him be excited about the process than nervous and hesitant. I know that it may take us awhile, but I also know that the day will come when we will have a baby again.
Maybe it won't be a full year...good luck!
This was us with IVF for #1. We were on board then DH started hedging. It sucked but I have always felt like this is not just about the end result but the journey. I would confirm with DH that this is his anxiety. I would also start talking through the scenerios...if the market does crash then does this mean longer hold? Can you do things now to save to be in a better position? What does it look like for him to be comfortable with moving forward? I found that time goes really quick anyhow so while I felt frustrated at the time, soon enough time passed and then he was ready to move fwd. I know, like you said, if I forced it he might have gone fwd but been resentful and you can't take that back. I would def try to be empathetic. If he is the provider of the family he is nervous. I think the more supportive you can be the more likely he will be wanting to move fwd. Hang in there girl, it's not easy!
Oh, and in regards to the email, I hear you BUT I think he probably knew you were giong to need time to process and wasn't sure how to tell you. I think it allowed you to think about it before reacting and it might have been a good thing. While it seems impersonal, I would be thankful he felt he could open up to you and not just shut down without explanation. In other words I am sorry this came off as impersonal but I really don't think he meant it this way.
Hold onto hope!