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Two Under 2
Two LOs 12.5 months apart!!! Help!
Hi ladies! I have been crying for two days now over this....My son just turned 1 on the 2nd. I am 36.3 weeks pregnant with my second son. My first son was born via csection at 33.5 weeks. With my current pregnancy I plan to try a VBAC but thats only if I go into labor on my own before the 29th. My OB scheduled a csection for the 29th because he doesn't want my baby to get too big and Im already in a good bit of pain. I am a stay-at-home mom...My husband is in the US Army and he is stationed at Ft. Campbell he didn't get PCS'd there until May and I couldn't go with him because I choose to stay with the OB I have had the whole pregnancy. So right now I live with my mother in South Carolina until my second son is at least a month old. My husband only gets 10 days off work to come down here for the baby's birth (which is not a lot but I'm grateful he does get some days) My sons will be around 12.5 months apart or less. I have quite a few concerns and fears about being alone with my 1 year old (who isn't walking yet) and my newborn (my mother works full time also). I have no sisters and brothers and all the rest of my family lives in DC. So i have no help at all really. Right now all my son gets all my attention. I'm so scared that he is going to feel neglected when I have to give my newborn some attention. I don't want him to feel like I don't love him...I feel really guilty. I don't know how i handle it. Also I've heard you shouldn't lift anything heavier than your newborn for at least four weeks....I can't see how I can get around that...My oldest son isn't walking and he loves cuddle time with me and he always wants me to pick him up...it will break my heart to see him cry because I cant pick him up.
If anyone has been in this situation please give me some advice on how you handled it???
How did your one year old react to all of the changes??
Is there anything I will be able to do to make sure my son doesn't feel like I'm being mean to him?
Was there any jealousy?
PLEASE HELP ME!
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Re: Two LOs 12.5 months apart!!! Help!
You will be just fine. Can your mother take a week or so off of work after your DH has to go back to base? At least that way you will have help for the first couple of weeks after the birth of your 2nd.
I felt extremely guilty about my 2nd also. I worried about the same stuff you are, and for what? Nothing. Believe me, you will find time to spend with your oldest son. A newborn sleeps a lot, make sure you spend some of that time with DS #1. I think the feelings that you have are normal emotions that comes with having 2 kids so close in age. I feel like I wasted a good part of my pregnancy with DD #2 on guilty feeling, and I wish I hadn't because it turned out great.
Your DS #1 might notice a small difference at first, but he is so young that he will adapt quickly. It will become a normal part of life.
Good luck! Don't stress, it will all work out in the end. You'll see!!
~Team green turned Blue on 4/6/14~
You'll be okay!
My LOs are 15.5 months apart. They were both born via c-section.
At first DS ignored his baby sister most of the time. Then he started wanting to be held and cuddled when he was previously extremely independent. Soon enough he became very interested in his sister and now he offers her his lovey when she's fussy and kisses her non-stop. Your LO is likely too young to experience jealousy issues that will be scaring or hard to handle.
I suggest that you encourage your LO to climb on you, so that he can cuddle and you don't have to lift and bare his weight. Start practicing helping him climb onto the couch instead of being lifted. Also practice him climbing up and down the stairs. Make sure you have a gated area or other safe space that is set up for him to enjoy. While you are healing you may need to keep him away from you and/or your newborn at times. I also suggest that you invest in a wrap or baby carrier. If your newborn is use to being worn from the beginning that you will have two free hands & arms to entertain, hold, or help your son.
Other possible things that will help would be using a nap mat instead of the crib (this wouldn't have worked for my son), changing him on the couch sitting next to you instead of lifting him to the changing table, allowing him to eat picnic style on the floor sometimes instead of lifting him to his high chair every time.
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"Karma1969: If baking someone a birthday pie/cake is romantic, I must be a slut."
My 2 are 12 months and 22 days apart.
If anyone has been in this situation please give me some advice on how you handled it??? The 2 best survival tips I have is prep anything you can ahead of time (meals for your toddler, bottles) so you're not scrambling with 2 crying babies at once. Also, keep supplies in every room in your house to change baby/feed/entertain your toddler. We have a diaper changing station in every room, I keep sippy cups/snacks/toys/books next to the chair I feed DD in so if DS needs something I dont have to put the baby down to cry while I go get something. Some new toys to distract DS's attention will also be helpful as well.
It really wasnt that bad. Ditto the PP to see if after your DH's 10 days off your mom could take off a week from work. That would be really helpful. If not, you'll manage. There are ways to avoid picking up your toddler. We ate many meals outside of the high chair and he napped on the couch so I didnt have to pick him up and put him in bed.
How did your one year old react to all of the changes?? There was zero reaction. The day before I brought the baby home and the day after were exactly the same to him. He was too young to grasp what was going on. Plus, just a few weeks before DD was born DS mastered walking so he was far too busy exploring as opposed to wanting to sit in my lap and be held all the time. Babyproof your house well so you can tend to the baby without having to worry about your toddler.
Is there anything I will be able to do to make sure my son doesn't feel like I'm being mean to him? Include him. When I fed the baby, I'd let him sit on my lap with me (I have an oversized recliner-best investment for 2u2 ever). I'd put the baby on my lap and sit on the floor with him and play toys. I wear the baby in a carrier so I have my hands free.
Was there any jealousy? No, never.
GL! You will be fine.
My last two are 12 months and 4 days apart.
#1. See if your Mom, MIL, sister, friend - anyone can stay with your for a few days/weeks after the new baby comes - it will help as you as you heal. If not, you will manage - I promise:)
#2. Get a very big gate if you don't have one already. Block in the room that you plan on feeding the new baby in. I blocked in my entire living room (the gate had a door) and kept my 1yo with me in there while I fed the baby. The living room was a very safe place and had lots of toys/books to entertain baby. Keep some snacks handy in there as well.
#3. Natalie handled it very well - better than my oldest. No jealousy at that point. I'm not sure if it was her age of personality, but she adapted very well and just went with the flow.
eta: At first it may seem hectic, but once you fall into a routine - it gets pretty good. Just try to relax about it (I know, easier said than done!) and certainly don't worry about your house. Actually, if you can get maid service - do that!! I know you are concerned about giving your first enough attention - you will, don't worry about it. 1 year olds have a way of demanding attention that is not easily overlooked. Please focus on yourself sometimes, too. You are important, as well.
Mine are two years apart, but it will be even easier since your LO is younger. He will most likely be clueless. My two year old loves his baby sister. No jealousy from him and I feel no guilt. I was extremely worried before hand. He gives her kisses all the time and runs to her if she is crying and gently gives her the binky. Considering your LO is younger, he will probably have no idea. Newborns sleep a lot and are just along for the ride. Do yourself a favor and get a good "easy to wear" carrier. I use the bjorn for the early months and my pikkolo for when they are bigger. YOU will be fine. Just try not to stress because your LO's will sense it and will get stressed too. Enjoy it, it is awesome having LO's close in age and there will be times where it is hard but we thought that about 1 kid...you just adjust and it becomes your new "normal".
Edit: * I should add that I EBF my 1 month old girl and EBF'd my son for 18 months. When I am feeding her he points at me and says "baby eat". He could care less that I am holding her or feeding her or talking to her. Sometimes I sit on the floor with the boppy while he is playing...soo easy. I have done bedtime with them together by wearing her and reading to him. He loves it when she is in his room. The worst it gets is when he gets jealous that I'm holding her because he wants to hold her...lol.
Mine are three weeks less than a year apart. My first was born vaginally (with a big tear and the vacuum) and the second was breach so he was born via c-section. In all honesty, the c-section was a way better recovery for me, but everyone is different.
My DH was off work for two weeks and then my parents got me the best gift ever. A babysitter. It worked out so great. She came over for 6 hours a day and helped with both kids but mostly the older one. I would strongly suggest looking into something like that. I used sittercity.com. If money is an issue, maybe a local church has ladies that would love to help out. And it wasn't too scary since I was there most of the time until I felt comfortable with her enough to leave one or both with her and get some stuff done.
In my experience, the first couple months were tough. I'm not gonna lie. But it did slowly get better. Don't worry about the dishes, the laundry, etc. Sleep and shower when you can. I fed DS#1 on the floor a lot so I didn't have to lift him. We have a space saver high chair so I just put it on the floor.
My guy was too involved with his own stuff to really care about DS#2 for a long time. He would play on the floor with toys while I feed #2 or bring me a book to read. I never had any jealousy problems.
You can do this. Sure there will be times when all three of you are crying, but you'll make it and no one will grow up to be a felon because of it.
Same to you!!!!!! Im here for u!