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Washington Babies
Bad Influence Kids? LONG
Sorry for the novel:
Our neighbor has a 5 year old and he has terrible behavior. We can't be outside with out them coming over and her kid staying as long as we let him. Sometimes I just like to be outside just us and W and play with him, or be outside and read or rest in peace
Yesterday we were outside and W had to go in for a nap. The little kid comes over and starts pounding on our door. I open it and say sorry, he's sleeping, can you come back after dinner. He knocks again 10 minutes later. THing is he doesn't talk, just looks at me. I repeat the same thing. A bit later I'm outside doing yard work/cleaning the car and garage and he's just sitting on our front porch stairing at me. I ask him if his parents know where he is, no answer, I tell him W's sleeping and he'll be back outside later, he stares at me.
I was outside reading and W woke up so he came outside. Not 1 minute later neighbor kid is in our front yard. Walks into our garage and starts getting out toys. HIs mother joins him shortly so she can hang/talk to me (I'm still reading) I had just finished painting some boards with chalkboard paint and they are drying in the lawn. Neighbor kid rolls around in the grass/dirt then lays down and rolls around on my freshly painted boards. I politely say, "oh no, please don't play with those, they have wet paint and you'll get dirty". He give me the look of death and starts screaming/crying. His mother looks at him, tells him to stop, he doesn't so she tells him to go inside for for time out. 25 seconds later he's back outside. She lets him stay out. He asks for a snack, she goes to get him one. W asks for a snack, i go get him some fruit. She comes back and offers W animals crackers I say no he's having grapes, but thank you. Would you like some? Then she tells her kid he has to have fruit too, and he starts screaming/crying again. she persists he must have fruit (after telling me he's never eaten a grape in his life), and he persisits to cry and hit her. She threatens time out and then tells me "It's just easier to let him play though, then I don't have to deal with him being upset". I polietly suggest he'll listen to her more if he takes her threats for disclipine seriously so follow through is really important. She lets him have the animal crackers.
How do I a) set the boundaries with the mom and kid that we aren't an open play that you can stop by when ever we are outside (or can I?) and b) disclipine him or let his mom know that his behavior is a bad influence on my son who is younger and impressionable? Or should I just suck it up and try to be nice when she's around? She ruining my summer because every time I look up they are at our house!
BIG Brother born 10/19/07
little Brother born 1/31/12
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Bad Influence Kids? LONG
Can you make a sign with a red and green symbol of some sort for "ok to play" and "not now, brat" (ok - you don't tell HIM the brat part). Unfortunately I doubt you'll have any influence on his mom and her lack of parenting skills - but limiting the time that it's ok for the boy (and hopefully by proxy) his mom to come over, you can limit your exposure.
As for as discipline while the boy is there and his mom is not, it's your house, your rules. Explain that to him and that if he can't follow the house rules, then he'll have to go home. Period. Set similar boundaries with the mom (who may need you to say the word "boundaries" VERY SLOWLY...sigh)
Wow. I'm clenching in frustration just reading this.
I think LauraLynne's idea for the sign is good. And definitely push the "my house, my rules" thing. We're working oh that too...
We have a 4.5 year old boy next door that likes to come over to play when we're outside and he does NOT share. Anything that Lila wants to play with, he makes sure he gets there first so she can't even touch it. He'll get in her climber and refuse to let her in, he'll hoard every single ball in the yard so she can't play with them, he'll climb into any chair she makes a move for so she can't, etc. And his parents don't say a damn thing. We (usually I) end up policing the situation and parenting him. It's obnoxious. I really like them as people, but they're so lax, inattentive, etc. that I can't stand when they come over.
Good luck, S. Such a sh!tty situation.
Bio & Blog | The Chic Bambino | Bumps & Babies Fair
Can you play in your back yard so they don't see you as much and aren't tempted to come over that way?
You might also say to the mom 'You know, I think it might be better if your son found some kids his own age to play with.. he seems to have a hard time when he's here with my little guy"... that might be hard. But it avoids saying "your kid's an ass".
I also think you enforce your own rules at your house, like pp said. And I think you could say "hey brat, today we are having some special family play time. Could you come back tomorrow?" And maybe just every other time just shrug and say "sorry, not today. today is special family time"
Wow, I don't even have the words to accurately portray my feelings on the situation. So sorry you are putting up with that. You certainly don't need any added stress!
As pp posters have said, "your house, your rules" or try to let them know they need to give you time as a family so you aren't held captive inside your house just to avoid them. Sometimes, being too polite can cause to much frustration.
We have resorted to playing in the back at night but during the day all our sun is out front and W has more room out there for the games he wants to play.
She has told me before how frusterated she is that there are no kids for her son to play with: Now I get it, she's scared them all away and they hide from her. She talks about how great it is that our 2 kids can play together. And w seems to love her son.
I am starting to worry the "come back later" won't work because I tried it yesterday and he sat there an waited for him to come out. And then he just hung out in our yard until I went in side and stayed there for 40 minutes. His mom has no boundaries so how would he learn them? Plus, he's weird and doesn't talk and has a super high pitched whine/cry that remindes me of a dinosaur. But i'm trying not to judge him for petty things, just the things that are troublesome to me and my family. And on the side, her youngest (almost 2) is constantly running in to the street to "test" her. I am always running after him while she sits there and yells at him to come back (which he never does)
Gosh that's so rough. I think you just will have to be firmer about it. Or maybe you really need to talk to the mom and say "I'm sorry, I just do not enjoy our kids playing together because I feel like my kid is learning bad behavior from playing with yours"... of course that will be a bad neighbor situation though. ugh. I don't know. Fence in your front yard?
Is something wrong with the boy that he doesn't talk?
Bad parenting? (ouch that was mean). He just is socialy awkward. He'll talk to his mom or to W but not to anyone else. I think he also has no manners so he doesn't know that you speak when spoken to and you answer questions when asked, ect... His little bro is 23 months and has no words. I was trying to get him to say dog or cow or cat yesterday and he'd just grunt.
So it's not like he has a disability... he's just rude?
23 months isn't really out of the realm though - some kids are really late talkers. Cooper is 20 months and he wouldn't be able to say cow or cat. He can say doggie though. Boys and second kids are often later talkers. And if their mom doesn't talk to them much or ignores them, that won't help either... Poor kids. Maybe next time the kid comes over you can play a "manners game" and work on manners.
Sorry you have to deal with this kid. My only thought would be a fence and a really high latch to keep him out ;0
We have a little brat 2 doors, down that used to live with her grandparents. She drove me crazy, M would want to play with them, but they were rude and he would get his feeling hurt and come to me crying. When she would come to our door and ask if he could play I said "no, i dont like the way you play and continue to hurt his feelings so we won't be playing today". She is older 5 and M younger she totally knew what i was talking about and has since stopped. Thank god she no longer lives there but now when she is around they ride bikes together and M stands up for himself.
I hope you can find a way to make it work, and not ruin your summer outside.
This sounds like a case of "I am a mother that wants the best for my son(s), but I have no idea what that could be or how to do it."
She probably just tells the boy, look the neighbors are out go play with them, (because what is good for them, must also be good for my boy and I just want him out of my hair for a bit).
I would probably tell her something like. "Sometimes we like to play in our front yard with your son and sometimes my son just likes to play by himself. Since your son isn't always so understanding, I would appreciate it if you (or another adult who is babysitting) would ask if your son could play with my son before coming over to play."
If you are not straight forward with your request, the mother will not get the point. You will also need to come up with a plan. Like going to the back yard. You can even tell your son, they did not listen to our words so we are going to politely go play somewhere else until they are ready to listen (or what ever wording you use in your house.)