Tantrums

Re: Tantrums

• redshoegirl member

  June 2011

  My kids aren't 18 months old yet, but they're already in full blown tantrum mode, and I can tell you what we do.

  First we try distraction/redirection - show them a toy, a book, etc. to try to divert their attention. This works really well for some kids, not so well for others - my guys tend to be pretty focused, so it only works about 25% of the time for us.

  Then we move on to ignoring - letting them kick, scream, etc., on the floor (note: I haven't had to deal with a public tantrum yet - in that situation I'd probably just calmly remove them from the area, even if they kept howling the whole time). We don't react at all, just let them blow off steam.

  This usually doesn't last very long before they start looking at us out of the corner of their eyes to see how we're reacting - when that happens, we open our arms and ask if they'd like a hug. Most of the time they keep fussing, but come over for a cuddle, then we try the distraction/redirection again and that's the end of it. The rest of the time, they'll carry on a bit longer and then we'll try again.

  I hope that helps some! A friend of mine has a 3-yr-old who throws epic tantrums, and she's told me that this book has been excellent - I don't know what age range it covers though.
  

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• Married2MrWright member

  June 2011

  Our approach is the same as Lisa's...redirect/distract and then ignore. I've also found that when she has a meltdown that if I hug her, it really helps difuse it. Sometimes I think she cannot express her frustration and just wigs out. She's very verbal so we're working on mad/sad and emotional intelligence (i.e. she can identify a happy face, a sad face, etc.) so hopefully she will meltdown less and let us know what's bothering her. My nephew was very verbal at a young age and this approach worked with him and he outgrew full-on tantrums quickly. I'll never forget him saying, at barely age 2, "I am fwusterated, I can't find my Tigger!" So funny, but he let me know why he was upset and together we looked and found his toy. No fit needed.

  Also, when she is tantruming I will get down to her level and emphathize with her, saying things like, "you're so mad right now because you want to play and its bedtime." or "I know you don't want your diaper changed, but it'll feel good to be dry." and try to give "words" to her feelings. It's interesting because many times I see a look in her eye like "she's got it" (i.e. I am understanding why she's upset) and that tends to diffuse things quickly. I dunno, may sound crazy, but it's working for us.

  Finally, I am always willing to leave what I am doing (grocery shopping, visiting friends, etc.) if she's falling apart...9 times out of 10 I don't have to completely abandon what it is I was doing, but just taking 3-5 minutes with her to calm down and regroup seems to do the trick. Generally if she's overtired, hungry, or overstimulated, etc. I know she has a very short fuse. So we try to avoid those situations as much as possible.

  Today I got an email from BabyCenter and it said, "Remember, your toddler still thinks the world revolves around her and has no impulse control, which can lead to lots of tantrums. A tantrum is like a performance, if there's no audience, they don't last very long." Makes sense to me! We try not to take her outbursts personally (although I'll admit it's tough if she tries to kick or bite or scratch or hit or pinch) and remain calm and unphased by them. And then talk her through her "big feelings"...

  
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• HulaLove

  June 2011

  Thanks Lisa and Lori!

  That's very good advice and a good reminder that I may be expecting to much from Elyse.  

   

  
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