Dealing with all the changes...

beekernbaby · June 2011

This morning the realization that I am one month from my due date hit me hard. My husband and I were enjoying a lazy Sunday morning and I realized that in one month the life that we have enjoyed for the last 14 years is going to change a lot. We are looking forward to the changes but I don't want to lose us....Does this make sense?

ALF222 · June 2011

It absolutely makes sense to me! We are both really excited to have a baby but know that our lives will be completely changed forever. No more lazy weekends, sleeping til 9 and just lounging around. They are sacrifices we are willing to make but that doesn't mean I won't miss the life we have now.

clipingirl · June 2011

I understand your sentiment. Being a mother of almost three....I can relate my own journey. No doubt having children is the biggest joy, and greatest stressor, in any marriage. The "Us" that you know now will look different once your LO arrives. It will be better and more challenging in every way you could imagine. I decided I wanted to take it all one week at a time. And face the challenges head on with open communication and time to really TALK (about everything except the baby). It helped a great deal. And now that I have pre-teens and an almost newborn....I can share that as your babies grow and become independent children, pre-teens,teens....you connect with your partner in ways you once remembered and in new (in my opinion, better) ways. It's work. It's hard. But my goodness...it's amaaaaaazing. For us, we became closer and found such deep meaning in our "Us." I wish the best!!

Sascha3 · June 2011

I feel the same way. I am in my first marriage...going on 3 years. Honestly, we were both ok with waiting a few more years, but being that I am 39, and we want 2 children, we decided to start trying last July because of my age. My husband is 10 years younger.

We have such a relaxing life. He is in the restaurant business and works evenings, and I work many evenings also, so we normally sleep until noon. That will all be changing soon!! We also love going out to eat all the time and travelling. I have taken solace in the fact that close friends of ours had identical twins last year and their lives still seem close to what they used to be. They have already taken 2 cross country trips and often do small weekend trips in California. They still go out to eat a few times a week. They have done it since the girls were born, so they are wonderful in restaurants and sleep through the noise usually.

I am also happy that my husband comes from a family of 12 and has way more experience with babies than I do. I had a daughter when I was in high school and she is pretty much the only baby I have been around on a regular basis and that was a very, very long time ago. I know it sounds funny, but we got 2 puppies together and he got up in the mddle of the night with both of them. Last night our dog kept coughing and he got up with her to comfort her and give her water for about 30 minutes. I slept through the whole thing. I feel really secure knowing I am going to have a great daddy on my hands:)

Haribo1 · June 2011

I understand exactly how you feel. Although I am very excited to have a baby girl, I am also anxious about how it will change DH's and my relationship. We have had such a wonderful time together, and there are parts of me that are scared to lose that component of "us".

On another note, I was really comforted but clipingirl's post

Pearly609 · June 2011

Definitely makes since. SO and I have been together for 12 years and will now have a life that the two of us created. I'm at a point and age in life where my kids are older and I finally was able to "find" myself and now will have to find a way to add the LO in and not lose myself or the freedom I once had. It'll take work from you and your spouse, but it can be done.

ssull1974 · June 2011

While the realization can be a bit overwhelming at times I also feel like our age helps us appreciate the changes that are about to occur as well. Yes, we may have created a pretty cozy life with our SO's, but unlike some of our younger counterparts, we have had opportunities and experiences that help to remind us to welcome this change in our lives. I too go through times where I suddenly realize that things are going to be very different, even when I think I'm prepared psychologically and emotionally (although I'm not sure that we ever truly are).

varkeyr · June 2011

Wow change in relationship I get. After four kids it changes. You all change at every stage. He changes and so do you.Sometimes for the better. What is really nice is putting the kids to bed and falling asleep together on the couch from sheer exhaustion. Kids are fun, frustrating, fun, exciting, fun, scary, and fun. You never see life the same way again and nor do you ever want to.Children add excitement of the unknown while craving structure.

I told my husband today that if you would have told me at 18 that I would have 4 kids and one on the way I would have laughed my head off,but funny I can't think of life without them. It is true.

rpm22 · June 2011

I felt the same way before our first was born. I remember one night about 3 weeks before I went into labor where I actually asked my SO "Are we doing the right thing?"

Then I couldn't imagine my life with a baby....now I can't imagine life without kids! It is richer, happier, and more satisfying than before....and out life was already rich, happy and satisfying.

It becomes your "new" normal!

Sascha3 · June 2011

ssull1974:
While the realization can be a bit overwhelming at times I also feel like our age helps us appreciate the changes that are about to occur as well. Yes, we may have created a pretty cozy life with our SO's, but unlike some of our younger counterparts, we have had opportunities and experiences that help to remind us to welcome this change in our lives.

Yes! I keep telling myself this too. I have had a lot of opportunities and experiences that are so special to me, so I do not feel like I will be "missing out" on anything. And I am so excited to begin this new phase of my life!

LauraLynneC · June 2011

I'm fortunate in that I have been there, done that. Albeit a long time ago...

But I'm looking forward to it, I remember that change - you begin to see life through the eyes of your child. Your relationship with your DH/SO changes and grows in ways you never thought possible - in great ways. You begin to see him as a father, a caregiver, a nuturing man. Your love for him grows in a dimension that wasn't possible before. And the world is different. You see everything from a new perspective. You imagine what your child sees and the colors are brighter, the same old same old is now new and interesting. And your view about yourself changes - you feel amazing and powerful (which make some of the lows a little harder to take, remember that on hard days - cut yourself some slack).

As far as travel and getting out - that's up to you. My kids have never slowed me down (my exDH did...but that's a story for another time). I don't plan for this baby to slow me down either. I believe in exposing him to a busy, full life and travel as much as we do. Knowing that makes the prospect even more exciting - knowing that I'm responsible for showing this new guy the width and breadth of life as we know it now, sharing all the things I love and loving them through his eyes.

It's all overwhelmingly exciting to me.

But I understand being apprehensive about it. There are changes and adapting that happen. But you have to have faith that you're never given more than you can handle. Including parenting.

tbaban · June 2011

I have to admit that I've woken up many a night in a panic or with high anxiety just thinking about the change that is to come. This is our first child and we are both only children...so, we REALLY don't have any experience caring for anyone else other than ourselves. We are good people, but tend to be on the selfish side at times. We are so excited to see and meet our LO, but I am also so very scared about the changes that are to come. I have also never cared for a baby so I'm horrified I won't know what to do! All that aside...I also realize that this will be the most amazing, rewarding experience we will ever know and I can't wait to meet the challenge. Doesn't mean I still won't wake up with night sweats and panic attacks leading up to LO, but I do know that this is what we want and we can't wait!

beekernbaby · June 2011

Thanks for the responses everyone. Your advice really helped get me past the panic and my husband reminded me that we only get better as time goes by and life changes.

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