June 2011 Moms

Those pg with #2 (mom vent)...

My mother thinks that we should be taking dd to the hospital and keep her there through the whole labor process.  I know that this would be a DISASTER.  I don't think she would do well sitting in a waiting room the whole time, and I don't think she will like seeing mommy in the bed laboring.  I want to scream at my mom at this point.  She is not listening to what I am saying.  I keep telling her that we are going to leave her with friends, and then they are going to bring her up that night.  My  mom thinks this is ridiculous, and that dd should be there the whole time.  

So what is your plan for your lo? 

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Re: Those pg with #2 (mom vent)...

  • NO WAY! My DD is 6 yrs old and still, at that age, she would become bored and would totally stress me out.  Besides that, seeing mommy in pain would really screw with her.  She will be at school or my sister's while I am at the hospital.
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  • If I was actually going to labor I would want DD there (she is almost 7). I think the experience for her would be amazing. She however is the type of personality that I know could handle it. The hospital on the otherhand does not allow children in the labor and delivery ward.

    If you don't think it is condusive to either you or your DD then having her with friends is not a big deal. I am have a c/s and DD will be with my BFF and go to her summer sports camp and when they are done they will  come to the hospital to visit for a while. My BFF is also taking her for the whole week along with my dogs so DH and I can get used to having a baby in the house again.

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  • I was in the same position! We originally asked my FIL to watch our son (who's 4) when I went to the hospital but FIL insists on being at the hospital the whole time (even though he isn't allowed near my room) and said he was just going to bring him with him to wait that whole time.

    After I tried explaining that this wasnt logical (especially if it happened in the middle of the night) and him refusing to listen we finally just asked someone else to watch him.

    Its your daughter and you know how she would handle the situation best! Ignore what others say.

     

  • i was 8yrs old when my little sister was born, and i know i was at the hospital with my grandparents while my mom was giving birth, but i don't remember how long it took or anything... but i was 8, so much more capable of not going totally crazy in a waiting room lol

    besides the fact that i wouldn't want my kids to see me laboring in pain (and even the struggle with pushing with an epi), they don't really understand what you're doing so they might think they can hop around on you that you should still be the same mom you usually are!

    i don't see a problem with your LO waiting in the waiting room with family members. of course you don't know how long it will be, but if they're willing to watch them in a waiting room that whole time then i'd let them. and they'll discover their own mistake in that assumption Wink

    my kids did not wait in the waiting room during my c sections. just because you never know how long things can take and because they can't see me in recovery anyway... we just waited until we got to our room for my in laws to bring them in

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  • My parents are the exact opposite. They were wondering if DH and I even wanted them to bring DS to the hospital or if we wanted to wait to introduce him to his brother once we were home. I told them they were nuts and of course we wanted him to come to the hospital once the baby was born. I don't want DS to feel like we kept him away while we had the baby. They were thinking it might be hard for DS to see us and then have to leave again.
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  • my 4yo and 2yo will be with my dad at his and my moms house that is 10 min away from the hospital and will be sent a txt right after i have the baby to come up there
  • No way is DD going to come while I am in labor.  However, if its the middle of the night MIL will come and stay with her while she is sleeping and bring her over whenever we're ready for my favorite little visitor.  If it is during the day, she will be staying at my girlfriend's house which is walking distance to the hospital.  DH will be able to go and check on her if nothing is going on with me and/or go and get her as soon as I am transferred up to postpartum.
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  • No way DS would be able to sit around the room during labor and I think he would get upset seeing me in labor. I think your mom's being unreasonable. My MIL is going to take DS while I'm in labor so DH can be with me. 
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  • Stand your ground.  Only you know your child best.  I have a 4 yr old and for one, I would never want my child to see me in pain.  That's a little too much for a child IMO and mine would never sit still anyway.  Keep to your arrangements.
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  • my dd is 2 and we are planning another homebirth.  my plan is to have dd here, but have my mom also come over to entertain her and keep her busy.  there is no way a two-year-old would just quietly sit around for hours so dd will need a lot of attention.  if she is willing, i'd like dd to be present for the pushing stage so that she can be one of the first people to meet her new sibling.  but if i end up pushing in the middle of the night, i'm not going to wake dd up for it.

    if for some reason i have to transfer to the hospital, i think that dd and my mom would just stay home.  i don't really think it's fair to a kid that little to make him/her wait in a waiting room.

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  • I agree with you, there is no reason to try to keep LO in the labor room. I don't think they couls understand the emotion behind it.

    DS is going to be with my mom and family at the hospital. I am having a c/s so he wont be waiting very long and the WHOLE family will be there to keep him company. After my c/s we are spending the frist 30 min just DS, SO, LO, and I.

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  • I thought you were leading to that your mom didn't want to watch DD or wanted to be there with you while watching her....but since you already have plans with friends, what really is 'ridiculous' about DD not being there?? (control maybe) My DD is 2 (DS is 7 not really a concern) and DOES NOT know how to be calm for the life of her, just energizer bunny non-stop, so no way. However we don't have any fam/friends near us, so I've already asked the doc about hospital kid policy-of course it's not favored but if necessary at last min, nurses would be more than willing to watch them while laboring. So of course I'm "planning" the route of staying home as long as possible to avoid hours of waiting in L&D. I know first hand from lifetime exp of my mom never listening and me ending up super stressed, so I now just avoid many topics & convos with my own mother for this very reason. Hope you keep your babysitting plans!

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  • i was 3, 8 and 18 when my brothers were born. mom was a C for all of us so i said goodbye in the morning, went to school and then my grandparents brought me over after. for my youngest brother i was actually in the room for the C (best BC EVER for an 18 yr old btw! i'm amazed i even wanted to have kids after that!) and my younger brother was 8 and sat in the waiting room with my 15 yr old brother. but he was occupied pretty well. 

    trust your gut! your mom will get over it.

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  • imageBran_ham:
    No way DS would be able to sit around the room during labor and I think he would get upset seeing me in labor. I think your mom's being unreasonable. My MIL is going to take DS while I'm in labor so DH can be with me. 

    This exactly!  MIL is taking DS and we'll call when we're ready for them to come.  

  • Nope. Never. Not happening!

     It would be a complete nightmare to have DD in the waiting room. Honestly, i'd just ignore your mom if i were you. She's not willing to listen and see your side of things. And its not like you've asked her to watch your DD. So really, it makes no difference. As long as who ever she is spending the time with brings her to the hospital as soon as it's a good time to go then i think DD will be much happier not there. 

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  • I was almost 5 when my brother was born and I was at the hospital. To say that I drove everyone crazy is a total understatement: my mother, my father, my extended family, and most importantly the nurses. Frankly, you have other things to concentrate on and you don't want a bored or cranky kid taking up others' energy.

    Sounds like your plan with the friend is a good one. And I'm sure that this difference of opinion is only the first....

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