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Single Parents
Intro...and a question
Hello:) I'm Evelyn and my marriage just imploded. We have been unhappily married for at least 5 of the last 7 years and I've had enough. I'm 29 and decided that I'm not going to stay in a loveless marriage with someone who is unkind, derisive, emotionally unavailable and to whom I have no sexual attraction to.
But...the hardest part is that I'm not in a position to move out and he point-blank refuses. We decided to stay living together for the time-being(we've slept in separate rooms for the past 5 years by his choice). We also decided it was OK to casually see new people but I quickly learned it's NOT really OK with him. He's become even more emotionally abusive since he found out I went on two dates. He's insisting that it's cheating, which it isn't. I wasn't intimate with these men. FFS, I didn't even hug them good-bye! I don't even plan to see them again.
Anyway, the prospect of staying here with him is absolutely off the table now. I will be staying with some family-friends at night, but still here during the day with the kids. Has anyone encountered something similar? My mother is making me feel terrible and insists that if I move out, he'll get full-custody because it's considered abandonment. Is this correct?
I'd just love to learn more about you all and what you've experienced. Thanks!
Evelyn-Mommy to Ben 9.20.05 and Emily 5.14.07 and Callie 7.10.09!
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Re: Intro...and a question
I don't have a lot of advice on your situation because it's so far from my own, but I know lots of ladies here will know how to help.
I think I am just a little confused at the middle part.. when you go to the family friend at night you leave the children at your home with him but then return and spend the daytime there? What do you see happening if you move out as far as arrangements for the children?
Sorry to ask so many questions, just trying to get a feel for your situation.
On another note, welcome!! There are lots of amazing women here who can offer some great advice!
My only advice is to lawyer up ASAP. They'll be able to help you answer a lot of these questions. Also, protect your assets. If you don't already have an individual bank account, do it right away and get some $$$ in there that he can't touch. At least until things settle down.
I stay-at-home with them, so I need to be here when my husband is at work. I don't want to uproot them during an already shaky time and until I find full-time work, state-subsidized childcare etc. we need to figure out a way to co-parent amicably. I just can't be here with him for any length of time. He's too angry and I'm just tired of it.
Yea, we all only have so much fight in usbefore it gets to be too much! I hope everything will work out for you! I will keep you and your LO's in my thoughts!
You need to talk to a lawyer and get accurate information for your state/county than what your mom, friends or stbxh think they know.
1. It may be considered abondonment of the home and you might lose your portion of the ownership if you leave the home.
2. Abandonment of children needs 6-24 months of no contact/support/custody before anyone considers that abandonment legally.
3. If you find out that you can leave the primary residence without losing ownership take the children with you.
4. No one gets automatic custody of anyone.
5. File for Child Support immediately and set up a separate bank account in a different bank under your name only. You don't want some helpful clerk attaching your new account to your joint account and him automatically having access to it.
6. go get a lawyer and end this sham already. AND stop dating until you've actually filed separated and sorted through some of this legally. SOME States dating while still married and co-habitating can be held against you. And you may lose credibility.