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Adoption
History of IF and 2.5 years TTC. The day we were to start our first IUI we received a call that changed our lives forever and 10 month old Olivia joined our family. Shortly thereafter we got a surprise BFP and baby 2 is due July 5, 2012
Question about identifying Birth Fathers
For those of you who have been through a situation where the BF wasn't really in the mom's life, do you know how that works? If for example the mom says "John Doe" is the father (they aren't married and it was just a short term sexual relationship) and John Doe refuses to accept the child, what needs to happen at that point? Do you have to "prove" he is the father and then get him to sign TPR (and what if he refuses a DNA test or refuses to sign TPR - not b/c he wants the child but b/c he wants no part of any of it)? Do you have to still go looking (or advertise) to find any other potential fathers if the mother says this is the only one it could be?
I know advice from a good legal expert would of course be needed. Just trying to get some preliminary feedback from you guys first (the real experts :-) Thanks.
History of IF and 2.5 years TTC. The day we were to start our first IUI we received a call that changed our lives forever and 10 month old Olivia joined our family. Shortly thereafter we got a surprise BFP and baby 2 is due July 5, 2012
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Re: Question about identifying Birth Fathers
I think legally it depends on what state you are in. In our state, if they knew his name and where he was, they would serve him with the paperwork and he would have I believe 30 days to do A, B, & C (Not sure exactly what they are but they told us there were several things he had to do before the time was up) to be able to stop the adoption. If he didn't do anything in those 30 days, the court would terminate his rights at that time. If she doesn't name him at all, then they would advertise in the paper and the same would hold true. If someone saw the ad and thought they were the father, they would then have 30 days to do A, B, & C.
It depends on the state. We live in (and DD was born in) PA, in which the courts require you to move heaven and earth to try and ID/locate the birthfather. A few options were available to us:
1. Contact BF, get him to sign papers, TPR occurs
2. Try to contact BF, use an abandonment law (which takes a few months and includes advertising in papers, etc.), court makes TPR happen
3. BF is identified and refuses to sign anything (this happened in our case). Use a law that states TPR can occur if BF is shown to not be married to BM, doesn't support BM or child, and they don't live together (again, takes a few months). Court makes TPR happen. BF still has to be served with notice that TPR will occur in the absence of his signature.
Basically what needs to happen is an adoption lawyer needs to get involved to figure out the options and start the process.
History of IF and 2.5 years TTC. The day we were to start our first IUI we received a call that changed our lives forever and 10 month old Olivia joined our family. Shortly thereafter we got a surprise BFP and baby 2 is due July 5, 2012
In our state the laws are quite different depending on if the BM is married to BF or not.
In our case, BM had no idea where BF went or even his last name. Because of this, we had to place DD on the birth registry in our state and allow 30 days for him to respond (which he did not). We also had to publish for 30 days looking for him and alerting him that BM was pregnant and had an adoption plan for the baby. BF had 30 days from the last date of publishing to respond. At this point, even if he responded to the registry or to the publishing, it's to late as he's exhausted his window of time.
This is what we did - the Paternity Registry, and its a lot harder for the BF than it sounds. Its not something that can be done online. We went this route because even though she knew who the father was, he's a very dangerous man, she was in hiding and she didn't want him to know anything about who has the baby. Serving him papers would reveal ours names, etc. We are in Texas and I belive that's where Amy's Ben was born, so I don't know how many states do the registry thing.
I'll throw in my two cents. We are in TX and were recently presented with a situation in which the BM knows who the BF is but doesn't want to tell him. She has her reasons and I won't get into whether or notI think they are valid or she is making a good choice by keeping this from him. Anyway, I asked my caseworker how things would work in this case. She said that the BM doesn't have to tell him and that it is his responsibility to put his name on the state-wide paternity registry (no longer than 30 days after the birth of the child). The agency will check the registry for his name. If its not on there, the courts will terminate his rights after this time and the baby will be legally free for adoption (obviously assuming the BM signs). Just to be clear, I asked her what would happen if 6 months, a year, etc from now the BF finds out about the child. Since his rights have been terminated - even though he had no knowledge of the pregnancy - there is nothing he can do. In TX, the 'burden' is on any potential BF to sign up on the paternity registry.
I know that despite this law, our agency will normally do everything they can to locate a birth father and get his consent. This situation is a little different in that the birth mother has specifically said she doesn't want him notified.
In our case the birthmom has said that "Joe" was the biodad- he did not agree with her, and did not sign the birth cert. Because of that he had to have a paternity test done which came back that he was not the father. Since the birthmom did not name any other potential birth fathers they had to publish an ad in legal journals for 30 days asking if anyone who could be DD's father to please come forward- of course no one did, pretty much unless you are actively looking for your child and have retained an attorney- no one would ever see that- most people do not read the legal journal. After that we went to court and they were able to show "due dilligence" in searching for the birth father- and the judge did a TPR that would terminate all unknown birthfathers- so that way no one can ever come back and say they are the father.
I have seen cases where the "dad" did not want to cooperate and after so many tries without success they just move on and TPR. But they have to show that they tried.