Working Moms

How do you feel about this? (DC/ Parent communication) long.

Alright, this may be flame worthy. Here goes: I work in a daycare center with 2 year olds. Right now, we have a good portion of our class that is new (5 new kids, new to the routine, new to daycare). We write a daily sheet for each child, to let Parents know how their day was. Some of them are having a tough time. Today our director came in and talked to us, saying that one of the afternoon staff told a new parent that their child had a rough day (which was true) and was hard to console for about 45 minutes. The child was taken on a walk outside of the classroom, played one on one with various teachers and was held as well. The afternoon staff just couldn't get him settled down and happy. Then, something just clicked and he attached to a teacher and just wanted to be with that staff for the rest of the afternoon. Anyways, The director told us about this and said that it was unacceptable for the staff to relay that information to a parent. We are NEVER to tell a parent that their child cried, let alone how long they cried during the day. Is this weird to anyone else?? My son is in the infant room and, as a parent, I would expect to know if he had a rough day. I would especially want to know this info if he had never been in daycare before! Maybe I'm weird? So, along with that we are only supposed to tell parents (new or not) positive things about their child's day. If they were aggressive, had a hard time following directions or listening, threw fits or just had an off day we are NOT supposed to pass on that information. I think its ridiculous. IMO a parent should know if their child is having a hard time sharing, or not listening, or hitting and kicking teachers (or whatever the case may be). Thoughts? What would YOU as a parent expect to hear about your childs day? Annnnd... Sorry about the format, I'm bumping from my phone.

Re: How do you feel about this? (DC/ Parent communication) long.

  • I want to hear it all - good, bad and ugly. It's what I missed that day. She may have had the same melt down had I been a SAH with her. Tell the parents that it is a part of the adjustment period and what you did to comfort him. It sounds like you did all the right things which would give me faith in you guys. Your director is being deceitful which will not get her far if I was a parent at your school. I wonder what else she is hiding.
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  • shannmshannm member

    As a mom of a very "passionate" three year old, I want to know about the rough patches.  The teachers rarely share this info though.  I am not sure what the overall policy is.

    I did discuss his mood issues with his current teacher at a conference recently and told her that we have similar issues at home that we are trying to work out.  Since then, she will write a ton of positive things and then sometimes make a note that says something like "was in a good mood but seemed a bit sensitive."  I DO want to know about his day.  Not just all the good stuff.  I believe in honesty and full disclosure.  Otherwise, what is the point of the reports at this age?  

  • I would want full disclosure!  The lady who takes care of Keira tells me everything.  She said her first day, she sat in her lap for a whole hour before venturing out and playing with the other kids.  I know my girl can throw tantrums and I want to know the good, bad and the ugly too!
  • That completely floors me! I have a nanny, but do think we'll switch to daycare around 2 years. With our nanny, she gives me a complete update on everything they did, how their moods were, what their naps were like and what they ate.  As a mom, you need a clear picture of your kids day. What if they were just not themselves at night and you had no idea something had happened at daycare? There are so many things wrong with that picture. I would not be comfortable working there and I hope you can help change things for the sake of the kids and parents. Good luck!
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  • Ditto everyone else!  I would want to know it all!
  • My son's teachers tell me when he has had a rough day.  They also write it on his daily sheet.  They tell me how long he cries in the morning (usually just a few minutes).  They call me if he is particularly upset during the day, just to check in and see if I have noticed anything unusual at home.  And he has been in daycare since he was 6 weeks old.  Of course, I want to know if he is having a hard time.
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  • I would definitely want to know. A lot of his attitude after I pick him up is related to his day at daycare and if his day was bad than I want to know he could be cranky or need extra snuggles.
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  • I would ask your director why you are not supposed to tell parents these things?  I agree with pp's.  I WANT to know what is going on with my child.  Maybe we hae a similar situation at home and I can suggest something that we did at home to help.

    It is very weird to me that she told you you can't disclose these things.

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  • imagejenuine:
    I want to hear it all - good, bad and ugly. It's what I missed that day. She may have had the same melt down had I been a SAH with her. Tell the parents that it is a part of the adjustment period and what you did to comfort him. It sounds like you did all the right things which would give me faith in you guys. Your director is being deceitful which will not get her far if I was a parent at your school. I wonder what else she is hiding.

    Same here.  My DD is in a small, in-home daycare with four other kids.  She and her "secret twin" (the only other girl and they are 2wks apart in age) alternate between loving each other and being obnoxious little slap-fighting divas.  And if Stinky smacks her twin on the butt and steals her toys and makes her cry, I want to know.  If the Twin is having a hormonal day and retaliates, I want to know.  And when they are cute and playing together, I want to know.  The twin's parents are nice and we all laugh about their antics.  But knowing how DD is doing socially is helpful.

  • wendyjwendyj member
    I would definitely want to know if there was a problem during the day. A few weeks ago, DS was having a really rough time at daycare (new room, structure much different than his former room), and he was doing things that I thought were completely unacceptable. If I had not known what was going on and couldn't address the issues at home, then I'm pretty sure he'd still be pulling the same stuff with his teachers and making their lives miserable. I know his teachers are very nice, and it killed them to have to talk about negative behaviors, but I am so glad they did.
  • I want to know what's going on, but I'm pretty sure the emphasizing of all the good is pretty standard.

    I would expect if something out of the norm happened w/ your kid, they should tell you b/c it could be an indicator of something else.

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  • I definitely want to know. When I pick up LO in the evening, I usually ask his teachers how his day was. 99% of the time they say he had a good day, but there have been days when they said he had a hard time.
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  • Was the director thinking you were complaining? Because of course that would be inappropriate.  In the case you described, I'd want the sheet to say something like "Child took a long time to warm up to our center, but after a walk and some one-on-one time with caregiver, he really seemed to start enjoying himself" or something along those lines - it gives the parent info about how the day went but isn't written in a complaining manner if that makes sense.
  • My DCP will let me know if C has been fussy, and I completely appreciate it; I'd rather have a heads up if there may be a difficult night or if a trend is starting. FWIW, often when he has great days at daycare, he's fussy with me. Or if he's fussy at daycare he's happy as a clam with me; go figure...
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  • I absolutely want to know if DD had a hard day at daycare.  Right now she's only 10 weeks old, so if she's been fussy all day I need to know...Since she can't talk, those are the cues I go on to see if she is sick or if something is wrong.

    I think it also builds trust in the daycare to tell the parents if the child had a rough day.  That way I know that they aren't trying to hide anything if LO is acting funny, it's just been a rough day.

    You might want to have your director rethink this policy.  A parent needs to know what happens at daycare because being a working mother, I don't get to spend a lot of time with my kid.  If she is having rough days every day, maybe I need to re-evaluate the way things are done or the facility she's at.  I don't want my child to be miserable and I don't want to be shocked if a major problem comes up and I wasn't made aware of a few small issues that contributed.

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  • Ditto all the PP's - I would be very upset with my daycare if they were not honest with me about how LO's day was.  The form our daycare sends home has a section with moods and the teachers check off if they were happy, fussy, etc.

    Usually I hear they had a great day, but sometimes DS is clingy and sometimes DD is sensitive, or refuses to eat.  Parents need to know this stuff and any reasonable parent knows kids have bad days sometimes.  Maybe they can give you some pointers on how to help the kid adjust.

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  • imageMini_Mariah:

    Ditto all the PP's - I would be very upset with my daycare if they were not honest with me about how LO's day was.  The form our daycare sends home has a section with moods and the teachers check off if they were happy, fussy, etc.

    That's a great idea!  Would you be willing to scan a copy of one of these?  I would love to give that to our daycare.  I find that information always lacking on his current sheet.  They have just a comments section and I think it needs to be a little bit easier for them to describe his moods.

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  • srgwsrgw member
    I'm not a mom yet but I do work in a child care center. In my center we can (and are suppose to) tell parents if their child had a rough day BUT we also have to say two good things they did for one bad.
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