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Not sure what I need- hugs, prayers, or a good stiff drink

dulcinea03dulcinea03 member
in Success after IF

I don't even know where to start, and may end up DDing this later. I'm completely, totally, 100% overwhelmed right now. DH graduated last month, and is having NO job bites, and is taking his general frustrations with the job market out on everyone around him. We may end up moving, depending on where he finds a job, but there isn't any way to know what's going to happen. I despise my job with a passion, and want SO badly to be a SAHM, but can't do that until DH gets a job and gets insurance, because we absolutely cannot go without ins right now because of Jules.  He also has put off his annual cancer CT scan and check for 4 months "because he doesn't want to incur the copay". DAMNIT, I don't want him to die on me, and if the cancer comes back, I want to know ASAP so we can fight that battle once again. Just get the damn test done. But he won't, and I'm being pigheaded about making the appts for him.

We have all been sick all week- DH and I with colds, both girls with projectile vomit and diarrea. I'm tired of being puked on, pooped on, and being groused at when I have to wake DH up at 3am to change the sheets because a baby that HE brought into our bed puked and now we're all up. And of course he's close to death with his cold. We've done this 3 nights in a row now. Went to the ped, and its a virus that we get to ride out. Joy.

While at the ped, Jules was weighed and my not-on-the-charts peanut LOST weight in the last month. Not. Good. So in addition to the virus news, we got to add a huge blood draw the the day yesterday, plus collecting separate urine and fecal samples. Tons of tests, a Failure to Thrive diagnosis, more questions than answers, and we go back next week once we have the tests back. I'm terrified that there's something big going on, and our normal ped (who we didn't see yesterday) has been brushing off my concerns for 6 months about Jules' size. What if we've lost precious time making my baby better because my ped said "she'll grow out of it?"

We also had their Early Intervention assessment on Monday, and Jules qualifies for PT and speech, Kit qualifies for speech. So yay for help, but I'm now feeling like an epic failure of a parent. Not only can I not get my kid to grow properly, neither of them are developing properly either. I'm trying not to take it personally, but having it all pile up at once is getting to be a bit much.

I love my husband and my girls, I'm just completely overwhelmed without an end in sight. And I feel completely powerless to fix any of it.

TTC#1 since Mar 2008. Serious MFI due to cancer. 3 cancelled IUI's, just about every test in the book. IVF#1 - BFP! Twin girls arrived 2/5/10 at 35w2d. Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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Re: Not sure what I need- hugs, prayers, or a good stiff drink

  • MouseygailMouseygail member
    You are NOT a failure!!  that is a ton to deal with all at once and anyone in that postion would be stressed beyond belief!!  vent away sweetie!  I hope that you are all feeling better soon, and that your DH gets a great job soon!! 
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  • SeaSoulSeaSoul member
    My gosh, that is a LOT of difficult stuff to deal with, all at once.  Please don't take it out on yourself (sounds like your DH has that covered)...I know once things are under control you'll regain perspective and start to feel better about things.  The most serious seems to be Jules' situation - I hope they can figure out what's going on and that it's nothing serious.  Big hugs and zen coming your way!
    Childhood cancer (DH) + chemo + radiation = 0 sperm.
    LO #1 - 1 unmedicated/self-monitored IUI w/ donor sperm.
    LO #2 - 1 m/c, 2 BFNs, 4th IUI worked (unmedicated/self-monitored with new donor sperm).
    Life is beautiful!

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  • DochasDochas member

    I'm sorry for everything that's going on for you.  I would go with a stiff drink, it usually makes me more receptive to the hug.

    My son is off the charts small (he's almost 10 months) but I don't want to butt in here with info you don't want.  But we've had bloodwork done and seen an endocrinologist and nutritionist in the last few weeks.  I'm happy to compare notes if you want to page me on here.

    I hope something good happens for you soon!

     

    TTC since September '08 After 2 m/c - lap for stage 3-4 endo Oct '09 Bravelle w/Ovidrel trigger - iui on 11/07 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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  • dulcinea03dulcinea03 member

    Thanks for the support. I am trying to suck it up, and I know I'd be handling things better if they weren't all hitting at once.

     Dochas- We're going to be getting test results next week for the blood, urine, and fecal taken yesterday, and the ped we saw yesterday said depending on those, he would be referring us along to whatever specialists he felt needed to get involved. I'd love to hear what your experiences are, and how they're tackling the issue of getting your DS to gain weight.

    TTC#1 since Mar 2008. Serious MFI due to cancer. 3 cancelled IUI's, just about every test in the book. IVF#1 - BFP! Twin girls arrived 2/5/10 at 35w2d. Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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  • DavezWifeDavezWife member

    Girl, I'm gonna give ya all three. Twice.

    I'm sorry things are so rough. I have no sage advice, but my thoughts are with you. (and don't you DARE listen to that rotten diagnosis... failure to thrive, BLECH! worst term EVER. You love your kids, keep up the good fight.)

    Join us - Commit Random Acts of Kindness, and say "I did it for Cricket" Cricket's Cadence
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  • yodasmistressyodasmistress member

    Your children's developmental delays are in no way, shape or form a reflection of the quality of your parenting! 

    I can say it again if you need me to!  

    You are going through a lot right now and my heart goes out to you.  It will get better.  ((HUGS))

     
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