? for former working mommies

sbhughes09 · June 2011

DH is in the process of getting a job that would more than double his salary and enable me to quit my job. I would've thought this would be a no-brainer but it's becoming a hard decision for me to make. I really like my job. I've worked very hard to get where I am and if I continued to work, I know there would be promotions and a lot more $ in my future. But now that DD has exited the cranky baby stage and entered the "totally awesome" stage, it's getting progressively harder for me to leave her every day. And I thought it was supposed to get easier!

I guess I'm asking how mom's that used to work and now SAHM made the decision.

jellybelly03 · June 2011

Well, I'm still working, but only until the fall (shhhh... don't tell my boss, yet!) I'm actually in a similar situation, in that DH just got a job that will more than double his salary and allow me to stay home, but that I also like my job and have also worked very hard to get to where I am. But for us, something had to give. DS#1 is starting preschool in the fall that only goes from 9-12, so we could either pay through the nose to keep him in an extended day program or I could quit. I decided that I would be quitting and I did it for a few reasons: 1. DS#1 is a sort of sensitive guy and the preschool that he'll be starting at is sort of intense (Montessori) and I'm afraid that a full day there is just too much for him; 2. DS#2 will have to go somewhere, too, and the logistics of finding a spot for him somewhere near where DS#1 is going is tough; 3. DH's new job means increased demands on his time and we will no longer be able to split the childcare responsibilities evenly like we do now (I will have to do the vast majority). I'd say, ride it out as long as you can with you keeping your job, bank as much money as you can, and see what it's like. If you like continuing to work, do it. If you find that it's miserable (or if, like with us, DH's new job means less time to help out around the house), leave. Although it can sometimes stink leaving a baby and going to work, bear in mind that at this age it's logistically easier: you're in this happy lalala land where everyone caters to working parents (i.e., daycare has long hours). Once your kids start school, that ends. Then you'll be looking at either a really part-time gig, or a nanny/babysitter picking them up from school or whatever. Sooooo... I guess I don't know what I'm saying but the point is that you don't need to make the decision right now.

Good luck!

lavenlove · June 2011

I have not been back to work since DD was born - about 13 months - so I am not the target audience for your question. But I want to share how I feel so here it goes...

I have always wanted to SAH when my children are young, but have had career ambitions too. I am an commercial interior designer, and finding a part-time gig is not easy. Being at a full time job could easily turn into 45-50+ hours per week, depending on the firm and deadlines. (I know lots of people work 60 hour weeks, I just do not have any desire or drive to do that, esp with a baby!) My mom was at home with us until I started 1st grade, then I think she only worked part-time. I would say she didn't really have a career until I was in high school, but then she commuted a long ways and worked a demanding full time job. I have always respected her for balancing work and home, and appreciated the extras that her income allowed our family to afford. But I always said I never wanted to commute like she did and I still think that although I'll probably work full time later on, I did miss her being more available. (I was always last to be picked up from practice, always late eating dinner with family...etc.)

Saying all that, it's a really tough call. You have the luxury of time to think about it. If my hubby, who is currently unemployed Sad , got a job that doubled his previous income, I'd be elated to continue to be a SAHM. Right now, me continuing to SAH is obviously at risk, if my DH doesn't find something really soon. Your children are only young once and my mom has always said she'd never trade the years she spent at home with me and my brother for anything.

Also, I know some older women who started great careers after kids - one being my therapist, and another is a lawyer.

In my mind, there are some obvious considerations:

Can you do anything in your career field part time?
Can you stay in touch with your career field if you choose to SAH full time - through networking events, continuing ed, etc.?
Any chance your employer would be open to you taking some extended time off? Even though they probably wouldn't / couldn't hold your job, do you think there could be a place for you there in the future if you left now? (this is assuming its the job + your career that you love!)
Is there any way you could be a consultant in your field, or do contract work? I am just thinking, if your hubby is bringing home the bacon, maybe you could afford some more flexible childcare, like a part-time nanny/sitter, so you could work on your own from home, and still spend lots of time with DD.
Are there other working moms or moms of older kids in your field you could talk to about your decision?

Just my two cents. Hope that helps.

gatogrrl · June 2011

My situation is different; I'm an older mom who had already been in the work force for 18 years. I had already gotten all the promotions I wanted and was burning out. Being at home is such a relief to me. I LOVE sitting on our patio drinking lemonade at 3 p.m.

I also loved the infant stage, all except the very beginning. I would have hated to have missed the toddling, first words, learning to climb a jungle gym stages. The singing! The dancing! It was really fun until the stubbornness and whining kicked in. Age three in this household has not exactly been relaxing or great for mother-daughter bonding.

kcisthebombdotcom · June 2011

I also loved working and wanted to stay in my field (and also realized pretty quickly I wasnt cut out to be a full time SAHM) so I found a part time job. I found something in my field that's 15-20 hours a week and enables me to make my own hours.

Do you have the option for part time work or freelancing in your field? That's a nice balance between keeping a foot in the workforce but having most of your time at home with your child.

GL with whatever you decide!

MrsBalletStar05 · June 2011

There was a lot of stuff. Pretty much though, I had my 2nd and daycare was really expensive :-P I liked my job, but there was no where to really move forward and it was stressing me out. The hours were too long/crazy with two kids and no family around to help out. I kept thinking, "What am I going to do when they are in school?" So I quit. Good thing I did too, because it turns out if I want my older one to go to public Pre-K, he has to go this fall, full-day. The school thing came about much quicker than I'd anticipated so I'm glad I went ahead and quit.

EveryNameIWantIsTaken · June 2011

I didn't care for my job in the banking industry and in the 8 months ds was in daycare, he had been through 2 and were at that point in time having major issues with the second. DH had gotten a promotion, and we were able to work it so I could stay home. I now also attend college full time to get myself into a career I will hopefully like. I'll be going back to work once I am all done with school. I never had plans to be a permanent sahm.

WhitePicketFence · June 2011

The decision to quit my job was difficult for me as well since I really liked the industry I was in and the work that I did. Unfortunately, I also had a new boss that had made my life hell from the time I announced my pregnancy to the time I submitted my resignation. I went back to work for 2 months after my maternity leave ended and things finally got to a point with my boss that I had just had enough and quit.

I plan to return to work once our last child is in school (we want 3 and plan to have them all close together) so I hopefully shouldn't be out of the workforce for too long overall. I'm also only 27 so I have plenty of years left to work and rebuild a solid career when I do decide to go back.

The_Jen626 · June 2011

I always wanted to be a SAHM. I worked full time when I was pregnant, and then my boss offered me a part time position if I wanted to come back. At the end of my maternity leave I was going CRAZY and so ready to go back to work. I worked 3 days a week for several months, then we needed the money, so I started working 4 days a week. Right after DD turned 1, DH left his moderate salary job and started working for another company, and his salary doubled right away. At that point, we just focused on paying off our debt and enjoying life. I really enjoyed my job and liked being a working mom. Even though I wasn't making much money, I had great perks and a fun job, and it was very flexible so I could take time off for appts, vacations, etc.

Around the time that DD was 18 months old, I started thinking about maybe cutting my hours back during the spring/summer, to spend more time with DD. She's at a really fun age, and my salary was nothing compared to DH's salary. I was also getting tired of waking up super early every morning, long commute, etc.

I got let go from my job in May. I was totally shocked by it. But, both DH and I, had the exact same thought... "now I can be a SAHM". So we are trying it for a few months and seeing how I like it. I figure, I can always go back to work if I need/want to.

And it's only been about 5 weeks, but I LOVE IT. I am SO happy. I don't miss working at all.

I have been keeping DD in daycare 1-2 days a week so she can see her friends and I can have some "me time", and I plan to do that through the summer as well.

CarolinaGirl051708 · June 2011

I just put in my notice, and after next week, I'll be a full-time SAHM. Currently, I work part-time (20 hours/week). I went to part-time after DD was born. I had very hard time making the decision to leave my job. I worked hard to earn a master's degree, and I have been successful in my career. I received a great promotion when I was about 7 months pregnant. I was making great money and was very well respected at work. I LOVED my job, too. But once DD was born, I had such a difficult time leaving her. My mother watched her for the first year of her life (she's 14-months-old), so when we began the search for day care providers, I just couldn't bring myself to leave her. I found one day care that I thought was great, but there's a waitlist until next year. That helped make my decision easier. My husband didn't receive any great promotion like pp or anything, so we'll be making adjustments to our spending (basically, we'll need to actually budget our money). For me, I'd rather give up some luxuries to have the opportunity to sah. My mother sah with my siblings and me when we were younger, so I've always known that I'd want to do the same. It's still a hard decision. Good luck to you!

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