Recommend a book please!

dundasgirl · June 2011

We just had the worst lunchtime episode yet. Reed wouldn't eat, and kept leaving the table...and then threw his plate on the floor and said "oops Mom." I put him in timeout, and made him pick up the food.

Nothing phased him. Time out? Not a big deal. Clean the mess? Okay Mom.

I made pasta with a cream cheese sauce which he LOVES.

It wasn't that he didn't like the food, or that he isn't hungry. Just couldn't be bothered to eat. Penny and Summer are here too, so it's not like I can just casually let him behave like this...because then they do it too and it's mayhem.

Before his nap, I just had a talk with him about eating his lunch and behaving at the table. But we have this talk everyday!

I need some advice about this...and about moving forward with navigating a kid who is almost 3.

Honestly, I feel awful. I don't like it when he acts this way. And I don't like having to be a big meanie either.

Excuse me while I go clean up cheese sauce off the floor and wall.

sommerrayne · June 2011

I don't think a book is the gig here.

Before lunch, I would talk with him in a calm non-stern way "Darling, we are about to have lunch. Here's the expectation...____ and if you dump your food, you'll clean it up and go straight to nap without lunch." and ask him if he understands. If he refuses to acknowlege the expectations, I would not serve him food. Honestly. He wont' go hungry. If he goes to nap without lunch, he WILL survive.

If he acknowledges, then serve food and don't say a word (other than, "Isn't this so good?! I love brocolli" etc) and if he dumps the food, I wouldn't send him to time out. I would have him clean it up immediately. After he'd done, straight to bed - no talking, no "I wish you would have", no "Come on! We talked about this". Just bed with an "I love you" and light off - no routine, no interaction.

When he wakes (this is my most hated hard part), you have to act like you're happy and do not bring up lunch at all. It is WAY over for him and your resentment will only spawn more power struggles.

This is just my reccomendation - it works for my stubborn gal. MINIMAL reaction (zero if humanly possible). I literally have to get on the floor with her and pick up the food with her hands because she'll lay in the mess and not do anything for an hour if I allowed it. I do this silently, I wash her silently, and I put her in bed with just an "I love you". ITS HARD MAMA!!!!! HUGS!

dundasgirl · June 2011

Thanks for the advice! This has been going on for awhile...here and there he will choose not to eat. But he hasn't ever thrown his food on the floor like that. It wasn't even as though he was doing it like "in your face!"...he was just sort of nonchalant about it. Playing around.

I don't sit there and say "eat, eat, eat"...we talk about what we did that morning, what we are going to do for the rest of the day and so on.

The couple of bites he did eat today...he said it was delicious!

I just don't want him modelling that behaviour for the girls because they don't even think to refuse to eat.

schmoodle · June 2011

No advice or book recs, but I can offer empathy. Every dinner is a huge struggle with Toodle and we're lucky if he eats a few bites and doesn't throw his entire bowl over the side of the table and then laugh. Sigh. If you find anything that works, let me know. We try explaining expectations, taking the food away if he throws it, etc., but he's still pretty young and it's clearly not getting through.

LisaMarisa · June 2011

I would say that he just isnt interested in eating/not hungry. I would do exactly what you did when he throws his food but next time when he shows signs of being finished, let him be finished. He's going to get bored sitting at the table and that is when he will start throwing food, etc.

dundasgirl · June 2011

LisaMarisa - I get that he won't always want to eat a huge amount. I decided a few months ago to not worry about the quantity he was eating daily because he was all over the place all of a sudden, when previously he would devour whatever you put in front of him. It was just that he wasn't eating AT ALL. If he ate a few bites and then stopped, I would have been MUCH happier.

It's more the total ignoring of me that was frustrating. He was like "whatev". I was pretty much invisible.

And I can't let him run around and play with his toys while the other kids have to sit and eat.

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Recommend a book please!

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