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Blended Families
Is this right?
Here is a little background, I am a lurker so I want to make sure you all have the whole picture. SS10 has been living in one state his whole life, his parents were married for 2 years and then had a nasty divorce/custody battle. As it stands now, he goes to one school, one doctor, but lives 50/50 between both houses [Sunday to Sunday]. BM is moving across the country in a few months, and leaving SS with our family, because it is too much stress to move away AND figure out his new school and keep up with his school work with 2 other children [her words, not mine].
My H pays $500/month in CS, so we budget around that for our 2 weeks. BM and her H decided to up and go on an extended vacation and before they left, we all sat down and discussed that taking SS 10/15 days of their time would end up costing at least half of what they get that month. BM called halfway through and said that she figured $166 would do. She took 500 divided by 30 days of the month, multiplied by the 9 days.
Before they left, H and BM's H had agreed it would be at least half of what they get in support, because we were taking him over half of their time. So we figured 500 divided by the 15 days she would have him, THEN we multiplied THAT by the 10 days, and we came up with around $333. She says she doesn't understand and that we don't need that much because it doesn't cost that much to keep him, and that H is being too technical.
Anyway, my real question was whether either of us were wrong in our calculations regarding the extra time SS was with us? Also, is there anything we can do to make sure she pays it? TIA
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Is this right?
Is she leaving him with you temporarily while they get settled, or for good? Or is the vacation, and then him moving in with you full time two seperate issues?
Either way, unless the CO says something about a reduction in CS if you have him extra time, she really does have to give you anything. While it's nice, I don't think I've ever heard of anyone doing this?
But if he is going to be living with you permanently, that CS needs to be recalcualted.
This time was temporary, it was just a vacation down there with her new in-laws. The end of this year they are leaving and she thinks that she will just leave him here for 2 years, not paying child support or helping in any way, and then at the end of 2 years [don't ask me where she came up with that time frame, because I don't know] she will move him over to where she is, and then re-instate a higher amount than we pay now.
And what I don't understand is that the CO DOES state that she will take him her amount of days per month, so why would she be able to breach contract and leave him with us, and STiLL collect all of that money? I'm not trying to be snarky I just don't know where the line is drawn. It doesn't seem fair.
Why are you trying to calculate CS on your own?
Go to the state CS office and have them do it. This is a life changing event and the child's residency is changeing. The NCP is changing. She doesn't know the law any better than you do so why are you trusting her?
No you don't need a lawyer to go with you to the CS enforment office. They jsut input the info into a state calculator and the NCP pays what it says. No negociation the NCP owes what the NCP owes.
Sounds like she's setting up residency in the new state to have that state have jurisdiction over the CS case and using their laws to get a higher CS payment than the current state has.
She's trying to run around the system and she picking a state to get more from you for CS.
Yes, I did have another screen name lol. I haven't been on in a while, and I forgot my password :X
We aren't trying to calculate the CS when she moves, we were planning on going through the courts for that so we can change the custody and support agreement, I just don't care whether she pays really when we have him full time, because we won't need it once we are getting our money back. But I have also read that some states won't allow for a custody situation to be settled without a monetary amount, but I don't know for sure, because I'm not a lawyer. BM and H agreed that whoever is sending SS to the other will be responsible for the plane ticket.
She is coming up with these scenarios in her mind, and we kind of just let her because when it comes time for her to leave we aren't just going to roll over and bend to her will, we have learned a long time ago her true nature and we won't be manipulated. We are pretty strict when it comes to the CO enforcement, hence our agreement for them to pay pack some of the money since that is 9 more days we had to budget, and as everyone else knows, money is tight as it is even just having him the 2 weeks.
If you are taking SS full-time over the next 2 years - you need to change the custody order!
You can not re-calculate CS for a vacation - CS is what it is until you have it changed.
Once you have a new Custody order you can have the CS re-calculated. In PA - if you have 51% custody or more you cannot be required to pay CS, therefore you would not have to pay her anything, but could file to get money from her once she goes.
Yes we will have him, she will take him summer breaks for a few weeks and then a few weeks during the school year [spring break, christmas/new years, etc]. We are changing the current 50/50 before she moves so it is all set before she takes off.
That is what I don't understand, why can she [in a sense] re-calculate her days with him, and we can't ask for some help? It seems like a CO is a contract, and if one or the other doesn't abide, then it is breached. I just don't see where the line is drawn.
HeIl no we aren't giving him up in 2 years lol.
That is HER idea, in her mind that is what is going to happen. But she doesn't get to just make the decision. SS has 2 parents, and DH will not agree to it.
The other messed up thing is that her new H has made her cut ties with everyone. She literally is not allowed to speak to her family, so the other day they came down to our house and surprised SS at school when I went to pick him up. They talked my ear off about how they want SS to stay, and how they are "concerned" about BM and the level of control her H has over her, and if she wants to leave then that's fine because they're estranged from her 2 new children anyway, but they raised SS when DH was deployed, and BM was living with her boyfriend 60 miles away. In our state, SS has his grandparents on his mom's side, which includes his aunt and uncle, whom he loves dearly, he has my family with whom he is also very close and very involved with, he has DH's sister, and then his family is a few hours drive away. All of these above mentioned have stated that when it comes time and she wants to go to court with it, they will all be writing statements in an effort to keep him here where he grew up. He has had one doctor, one school, and we are getting him in with a speech therapist outside of school now too, not to mention his friends. I just don't know how it will turn out.
BUt as it stands, H will fight to keep SS here, no matter what.
You have every right to change CS once she moves to the other state.
However - if she is on vacation and you are taking him for 10 days while she vacays - normally this would not change CS. DH travels internationally every now ad again adn BM keeps SS on some of our days - we don't pay her more for that!
If she is just agreeing to let you keep some of your money - great! But the courts wouldn't give you money because she vacationed.
And - once you have SS it will be difficult for BM to have him moved across country.