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Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
jmlushbough
member
Parenting: UR doin it wrong.
jmlushbough
member
Alright. Let me preface this by saying that I love my kiddo, I love being a Mom, and I love staying at home to care for him.
That said, I'm kinda going crazy here.
Our son is 14 months old. He is going through some kind of rough patch right now. Very whiny, very eager to throw little temper tantrums when he doesn't get what he wants. And also very clingy. He will play on his own for maybe a few minutes before he begs to be picked up (mostly only by Mama). He wants things he can't have and then goes ballistic when I explain to him why he can't have them.
We had a sitter on Friday night, and she said he was great for her. Also, when I bring him out in public, he's pretty much okay 90% of the time -- like if we have a playdate, or go to open gym, or the grocery store. But when it's me and him, he just breaks down.
This behavior is new within the last week or two. Before that, he was a pretty easy going little dude. Maybe it's teeth, maybe it's growing pains, maybe he just doesn't like me anymore. I don't know what to do.
I'm feeling exhausted and overwhelmed and really guilty because I feel like I'm doing something wrong.
Ideas?
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Re: Parenting: UR doin it wrong.
Sounds like exactly what's going on in my house. I so feel your pain. Add a mama who is 22 weeks pregnant and works 10 hr days and I feel super sorry for my husband.
i could have written this same exact thing last week. but she cut a molar the other day and she's been much better ever since. trust that it's a phase, you're not alone, and this too shall pass.
)
oh and also i've been trying to make sure she has a (bigger) snack between meals...no more then 2.5-3 hours without food...and she's been much nicer. she gets reallllllly whiny when she's hungry. just like her daddy. ;o)
Bar tab = $156,000, Bus to Foxwoods = $0, Puking in the Stanley Cup = Priceless
I hate to say that it makes me feel better that you all are going through this, too... But it totally does.
I'll definitely try more snacks. He has been a bit picky about food, and not eating as much during mealtime.
He's sleeping fine. And he's fine with other people. It just seems like he's super whiny with me which is why I feel like I'm the one doing something wrong.
How do you all deal with the temper tantrums? I find myself "giving in" a lot because it's tough to listen to the whining all day. I know that's a slippery slope to brattiness, but I'm not really sure what to do about it. Earplugs? IDK.
I have no advice. All I can say is that you are no alone. I am in the same sinking boat. I feel frustrated because I don't know how to make it better.
I do not give in to tantrums. If I can anticipate her wanting something she's not supposed to have, I'll try to redirect/distract or which helps a lot to avoid a tantrum. However, we've had a couple of instances when it's non-negotiable. For example, we were at the park and DD didn't want to go home. She collapsed in a screaming mess on the ground. I had to pick her up and put her in the car anyway, because I want her to learn that she can't behave like that and get what she wants. The minute I started the car, the tantrum stopped. If she's whining, I ask her what she wants. That usually stops her for a second and then she signs/says what she wants. I don't give her what she wants if she's just making a whining noise(even if I know what she wants). It's definitely not easy, though.
I am in the exact same boat and I have just started to pick my battles. If DS throws a fit, I just try to redirect him. Sometimes it works and sometimes I have to count under my breath to keep my cool.
DS has been exactly like your LO for the last 2 weeks. I have found that outside time = no fussing. Today's high was in the upper 90's and we spent most of the day outside. 10-20 mins out, then 10 in. We also went to the pool, played in the water table and ran in the sprinkler. Today was so much better since I just let him stay outside. The next day it rains, I'm screwed!!!
It sounds like a prelude to the terrible 2s. We are still a couple months away from DS being 2 but I think that his behaivor is already there, then you combine that with having a new baby in the house. I feel your pain!!! You just have to hang in there and take it one tantrum at a time. LOL!!!
My secret is to try and laugh when ever I can, especially when he is throwing a tantrum. If I laugh and walk away he will jump up off the floor and chase after me and the tantrum will be over. GL, HTH!!!!
I was just going to ask if you're pregnant (Duh, just saw your ticker) because Emma acted out similar to this when she knew I was pregnant before I did. That phase for us lasted about 3 months and she mellowed out. It was unreal how Emma could sense a new baby before I knew it. But her personality changed like a switch. She went from bubbly and happy to a total pain in the butt.
Now that Isla is here? She is more helpful than her brothers. She will bring me everything under the sun thinking that Isla needs it. I think you're doing exactly what anyone else would do, it will pass.
Ditto everyone else...this is totally normal, something about them feeling comfortable w/ mom (and dad) or whatever. My kids always have a 'great day' at daycare. I didn't used to believe them & thought they just say that to everyone but then sometimes I come in & the kids don't see me right away & I see my son just lying there on the changing table with his legs up in the air smiling while he gets changed (at home it is a physical battle complete with crying almost every.single.time) and then I see them sit on a little chair at a little table, eat their food so nicely, dont get it everywhere, drink out of a real freakin cup, etc (at home= food throwing, cup banging, pouring stuff out), etccccc.... It frustrated me at first that they'd always be like that for everyone else & not me but then I tried to be thankful that it wasn't the other way around b/c I think that would be a lot more stressful & I'm glad they understand how to behave for other adults & in public.
As for tantrums, I try very hard to ignore & usually they come around. Currently DD's tantrums are usually about wanting to do something herself so I try to keep that in mind (like if I turn the page of a book or pull a cracker out of the box & hand it to her it can set off a fit of tears). If they get really worked up sometimes it takes awhile & I have to offer a million distractions or 'options' (do you want to go in the bath or go in your crib?). But at 14 months I think that stuff is a little harder b/c the communication isn't as good so trying to change the surroundings & toys worked well then for us, if they are in the same room/area for too long, things start to fall apart- I agree that outside time usually= no whining/fussing for the most part.
GL!
First, I want to say I am RIGHT there with you in this exact same boat. I have a 14 month old who acts just like this. I work during the day, but in the evenings she is clingy/climbing on me/always wanting things she can't have/etc.
A couple of things that I've found that work:
1) FOOD. If she's too hungry she's grouchy.
2) SLEEP. She gets a good 20-30 minute catnap in the car every day on the way home, and that seems to help because she's exhausted from being with my mom all day.
3) IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE. This one is hard. I literally sit on the couch and chat with DH and just ignore her whining and pulling on me. It usually takes 5-10 minutes before she gets the picture that I'm not going to respond to that negative behavior and she'll crawl off to play (all her toys are in the living room, so it's not like she's playing alone, we're still there hanging out with her). Once she's playing independently for a few minutes i "reward" that behavior by getting down on the floor and playing with her. But if she starts trying to climb all over me and whine some more I get right back up. She's starting to learn that the whining is not the way to get the attention she wants.
4) BE PROACTIVE: I remove everything from her eyesight that she might want but not be allowed to have. TV remotes are put up on the back of the couch where she can't see them, dishes/cups/etc that might have been on the coffee table are quickly taken to the kitchen. The only things that are in her environment during our evening hangout/play time are things she can play with.
5) DO NOT GIVE IN: If by chance she does see the remote or something and goes for it, I quickly redirect her. And when the tantrum begins I just say "I'm sorry, that's not for baby Lana." and I put it up and repeat step 3.
Oh wow, I am SO happy I clicked on this post!! We are going through many of the SAME things, and it is ONLY at home. Like someone else says, she almost always has a "great day" at daycare - no issues going to sleep, getting her diaper changed, etc. It's the same when she's with my parents or in-laws - she is a "perfect angel", and sometimes I even SEE it - she seriously lays there complacently and silent (not even with a toy) to get her diaper changed by my mom. WHAT?! I have to physically restrain her to change her diaper or her clothes at home. It is ridiculous. But also like someone else said, I'm so glad it's this way and not the reverse. It'd be so guilt-inducing to leave her at daycare or with a family member if I knew she was going to be a terror, but instead I know she'll be better for them than she is with us, so I feel good about it
She just started walking full time, and has been clingier since then - also I'm sure she's getting molars since she's 16 months and has none yet. I'm sure it's all a part of it.
For tantrums, I try never to give in to whatever she wants, and avoid things i know will result in tantrums (for example - I know she freaks out if I take her snack cup or my phone away, so I just never give them to her in the first place. She also cannot handle a fork yet so it just frustrates her to the point of a meltdown, so I don't even give her one). Making dinner after a day at daycare is the worst - which I can understand. She just wants some attention after being away from us, so luckily we can divide and conquer then and one plays with her while the other makes dinner. After dinner she's much better playing by herself if necessary, but has been perfecting her leg cling-on and walks up to us and just wraps herself around our legs. Cute and all, but difficult to get things done!
This too shall pass..... maybe by the time they are 3 or something
Both of my kids are better for others and when we are out, then when I am home with them. It's frustrating, but I try to remember that it's because they are at their most comfortable at home w/ H and I. When my older one started daycare, she wouldn't cry all day, but she would have a meltdown in the parking lot on the way home, almost like she was saving it. And in a way, she was, until she was with someone she trusted enough to be herself around.
It will pass...like the others said. You aren't doing anything wrong!
I am so thankful for every response.
I'm going to try some of the suggestions for dealing with tantrums. For me, the ignoring technique is similar to CIO, which took me a long time to wrap my head around. It's hard to see past the immediate discomfort. I just picture his little heart breaking when I don't pick him up... Crazy, I know. But you all know how hard it is to see your baby cry. That said, I will be trying the "avoid the tantrum" and "ignore the whining" techniques.
I also think there's something to the whole LO knowing you're pregnant thing. We found out we were pregnant the day before his first birthday, and that was the first time we saw this kind of behavior. It's like he can sense the competition or something!
Just wanted to say that I also feel your pain. DS is teething right now so that is making him extra clingy and wanting to be carried which is not easy being 30 weeks pregnant. As for tantrums, I just ignore them completely. For us, they stop within seconds if they are ignored.
Now if someone could tell me how to stop making him want to stand and jump on the couch I would love you forever. I'm so tired of taking him off the couch and asking him to sit knowing that he will just start jumping even more.
Logan - 11/09, Lander 08/11, Baby #3 ~It's a girl!!~ EDD: 04/10/14
No ideas, just commiseration. I went through that stage, too.
Now I have a 21 month old and for us personally, although I hate saying this and said I never would, I caution you that it's going to get worse before it gets better.
I had my first session with a counselor Monday b/c I have been feeling very overwhelmed and out of control of my emotions, and I would really like to learn some coping mechanisms to maintain a calm and firm parenting style with LO.
It was helpful and I am interested in learning more over time. So far, in the last 7 months I've learned that it takes a LONG HARD ROAD for toddlers to explore, express themselves, and hopefully eventually learn their boundaries (that we as parents have to set and enforce). It's not easy for anyone.
But there are breaks of sunshine through the stress, like when he says "mommy MOMMY!" and runs to hug me, or when we're walking somewhere and he says "I coming too, mommy". I try to focus on those and how much he means to me when I am feeling fruitless with another dinner not being eaten while he screeches for yogurt.
I hope this was helpful to some of you and not an assorted set of ramblings.