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Postpartum Depression
AUQT06
member
My story... PPD?
AUQT06
member
Hi all... new to this board (didn't want to have to come to this board, but I'm facing the fact now that I need it, and help). I had my baby girl on May 13th. She's the most precious thing ever. However, since her birth I've been having problems with what I think are PPD. (To start, I have had NO thoughts of hurting her or myself) I can cry on demand, for no reason. I feel emotionless towards her, and it breaks my heart. I was born to be a mom, I've said it my entire life, and now that I am I wonder what I got myself into and if I'm really cut out of this very tiring and hard work job. I tried to BF and had supply issues so she was losing weight. We've since started supplementing some, and at my 2 week post op appointment on Friday my OB put me on Reglan to increase supply. She also gave me Effexor XR to help with the depression, guilt, sadness, etc. that I've been feeling. I feel like the depression has only gotten worse since I've been on the Reglan, and I looked up side effects and it looks like a lot of people experience depression with it. I thought since I was on the effexor it would help, but it's not helping at all yet. I know those medicines take a while to kick in. I am truly blessed with a wonderful DH (and other family and friends) that has really stepped up since the baby was born and does A LOT to help. However, he goes back to work on Tuesday, after being off for 2 weeks, and I'm having severe anxiety about how I'm going to take care of my baby with him not here during the day. I know I can do this, I've wanted nothing more than to be a mom my entire life, and I just want nothing more than to get past these emotions! It's not fair to my baby, or my DH and I hate it. I'd go to a therapist, but I'm afraid I would just cry the entire session (because I can't seem to talk to anyone without crying) and get nothing accomplished! I'm thinking about just stopping the Reglan to see if that helps. I'd rather give my baby formula then her have to deal with a crazy emotioned unstable mom, and for the sake of my DH too. Anyone else experiencing this that I might could talk to? Thanks for listening 
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Re: My story... PPD?
I had my DD in march, and have experienced many of the same things as you. i want to be a mother, but it's just so hard that it doesn't seem like I can do it. Family and friends tell me I'm doing a great job being a mother to DD, but it feels like I have no control. i felt more confident when someone was at home with me all day (DH, my mom, a visitor), but would become incredibly anxious if it was just me, or even thinking about being at home without another adult.
My doctor started me on zoloft about three weeks ago. That same week we had to go to exclusive pumping and bottle feeding because DD wasn't nursing enough or gaining weight like her doctor wanted. We moved in with my in-laws for a week because I had a serious breakdown. I couldn't handle the added stress of pumping, so DD became a formula baby for her health and my sanity. Just this past week I've finally started to feel consistantly better.
I have no advice about the Reglan, but if you think formula feeding would help you feel better, do it! you are right, your daughter needs a healthy mother more than she needs breastmilk. That's a very hard decision to make, laden with guilt, but once I made it, I felt better. And it will give you a little more freedom to take much needed breaks from DD while DH, other family or friends care and feed her.
Good luck, good job for seeking help and keep talking to your DH and your doctor about how you feel. You will be in my prayers!
Girl you and I are one in the same!! I went though the same stuff when my daughter was born in December. I was induced so I don't feel like I got that natural rush of pitocin that is suppose to cause that immediate love and bonding. I didn't really have that OMG I LOVE THIS BABY, until she was about a month and a half old. I was just going through the motions. I also tried to BF, and she would not latch on. I went to our BF center at the hospital to try any and everything. It just didn't work, so we went to formula... and it's okay! My daughter is growing and developing wonderfully without breast milk. (She got about 2 weeks of it while I was strictly pumping, but then my supply disappeared.) I told our BF Center, and I fully stand by this, that I did not want to look back on the first two months of being a mother, and remember me crying everytime I had to pump, not getting to hold her because I was constantly pumping, etc etc.
I was on Zoloft until about 6 weeks post op and I did fine on it. But let me tell you about Effexor. It has one of the highest rates of side effects than any other depression med. I took it about 5 years ago and after a terrifying night, I got off it immediately. (I was at, my now husbands, house and I started developing a tremor in my jaw. It was as if I was freezing cold, but it was July. I could not control it, and it started becoming a violent shake. I was freaking out, as was my husband, and finally it stopped after about 2 hours. Needless to say I was off it with a quickness!)
If you want to talk or email, or talk on facebook (if your on it), please let me know. I feel like you and I have had a similar ride and I think we could probably help each other. I will Private Message you my email address and if you want then we can connect that way, or we can connect on facebook. I hope you have a good weekend, and just know that you are not alone in this . we've all been there!