Community› The Bump Local Boards› Northern California Babies
Northern California Babies
New Discussion

extended bf'ers (2y+), come on in

alibee09alibee09 member
in Northern California Babies

I've gotten to the point with my little gal that I'm no longer getting any "joy" out of nursing. Mentally, I'm totally into it still -- I enjoy the concept of nursing her; however, in practice, I do not enjoy it at all (she gets very demanding about how I touch her while she nurses and the teeth dragging, etc.... oof). So, I'm attempting to wean her from her 2x/day... and it's SO HARD.

What worked for you? Did you go cold-turkey, or drop sessions? If she was younger I think this would be different but because her communication skills are more advanced it seems harder because she is articulating how much she wants to continue our nursing relationship, which makes me feel sad/guilty :(

Any tips/tricks appreciated.

Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

the secret blog

Report Reply to Post

Re: extended bf'ers (2y+), come on in

  • ashleyhuneyashleyhuney member
    When does she nurse?  Is there anything that ques her wanting to nurse?  With J he pretty much only wanted to nurse as part of his normal bedtime routine.  While I wanted him to self-wean and wasn't going to refuse, I did shake up the bedtime routine so that nursing wasn't just the next step.  Instead of daddy giving him a hug and me snuggling him in the rocking chair in the dark we switched so that daddy got the last snuggles and put into bed.  He never once asked me to stay and nurse.  He did continue to nurse from time to time if he came to snuggle in our bed weekend mornings.  I realized that when I wore tank tops he asked to nurse and if I wore t-shirts he wouldn't, so I stopped wearing tanks to bed.  Eventually he just stopped asking at all.  He was the same age as your daughter.  We also had some talks about "mama milk" and how when he was a baby (course, we are getting ready for a baby and you guys have already passed that point) he drank lots of mama milk and ate no food.  Then he grew bigger and drank only a little mama milk because he ate a lot of food.  And then I'd end up with talking about what a big boy he is now (dressing himself, pottying himself, etc) and talked about how now he can eat all sorts of food including treats that babies can't have.  Those talks were not when he wanted to nurse because it's not like he would listen then, it was just for him to think about.
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • futrkingsleyfutrkingsley member

    My boy is still nursing and I have no idea when he'll want to stop in all honesty. I did not think we'd still be nursing at almost three years old and certianly not as much as we are.

    I'm not enjoying all sessions as he nurses more than I'd like right at the moment (he's sick and not eating much food as his his habit when he's not feeling well).  He's very communicative and has lots of words to make his wishes known.  If I wanted to stop it entirely I think I'd put limits on how and where more sternly than I have and then once that part was okay eventually I'd start limiting how long he was able to nurse.  I use both of these tools with some success but all bets are off when we are home in our usual nursing spots. 

    I've tried not to use " It's not necessary in our case as there is no other baby on the scene.  babies do this and you don't because you are a big boy" reasoning with him.  It doesn't feel true for our experience or the stuff he's been exposed to by his other family members, and I don't want to shame him into doing something or giving up something just because other people think he's too old for it. 

    This is a long winded way of saying I wish I had more or better advice.  It's tough when the child isn't ready and can say in words.  :(

    Report Reply
  • alibee09alibee09 member

    A funny thing about the "this is what babies do" -- I was thinking about that back when you posted about potty-training, that you didn't use that as a differentiator because kids at daycare who were the same age weren't potty-trained but they weren't babies, either. At the point I read your post K was already potty trained and considered herself a "big kid" who uses the potty, and I was like... oh crap, I can't really say now that only babies nurse, because she considers herself a big kid that nurses!

     

    She nurses 2x a day: cuddling in bed with me and during her bath. Since I bathe the kids together I usually jump in too so I can control the situation and make sure that M doesn't drown, since he loves to wiggle and stand up. Since access is easier for her there, I figured I would cut out the morning session, meaning that I didn't cuddle with her in bed -- but she constantly requested nursing every 2-5 minutes while we got ready this morning. It sucked and I felt totally guilty. (I am sort of a sucker for guilt so it's pretty easy to make me feel it, heh.)

     

    Anyway! It feels good to not be alone in the process, at least :D

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    the secret blog

    Report Reply
  • ashleyhuneyashleyhuney member
    imagefutrkingsley:

    I've tried not to use " It's not necessary in our case as there is no other baby on the scene.  babies do this and you don't because you are a big boy" reasoning with him.  It doesn't feel true for our experience or the stuff he's been exposed to by his other family members, and I don't want to shame him into doing something or giving up something just because other people think he's too old for it. 

    I get what you are saying but it doesn't have to be a shameful discussion.  Yes, "nursing is for babies, are you a baby?" would be.  From about 2.5 from time to time I'd talk to him about nursing in a story format.  We talk about how when he was a baby that he drank LOTS of mommy milk because he couldn't eat any food.  And we'd discuss why, because he didn't have any teeth, etc.  And then I'd talk about how when he was bigger he was able to eat but he still drank mommy milk too.  And we'd talk about why.  And then I would end up the story by going over all the ways he is such a big boy now, the treats he gets (we've only recently been letting him have sugar more regularly so that's new to him), how he uses the potty and dresses and helps, etc.  I wouldn't end by saying that he was too big for nursing.  And if he asked to nurse I'd let him.  I just wanted to prepare his brain for the end of nursing the same way I'd prepare him for any change, with lots of discussion.  Of course, part of the discussion is also to help him understand what babies can and can't do because we are getting ready for a baby.

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
  • ashleyhuneyashleyhuney member
    imagealibee09:

    She nurses 2x a day: cuddling in bed with me and during her bath. Since I bathe the kids together I usually jump in too so I can control the situation and make sure that M doesn't drown, since he loves to wiggle and stand up. Since access is easier for her there, I figured I would cut out the morning session, meaning that I didn't cuddle with her in bed -- but she constantly requested nursing every 2-5 minutes while we got ready this morning. It sucked and I felt totally guilty. (I am sort of a sucker for guilt so it's pretty easy to make me feel it, heh.)

     

    Well, I would try to best eliminate those situations as best as you can.  J did request nursing out of the routine a few times but it petered out over time.  Really, I think any self (even guided!) weaning process is going to take some time...

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
  • futrkingsleyfutrkingsley member

    Nursing while bathing two kids is genius.  And it would be so so hard to give that session up without changing your whole routine. The morning snuggles is going to be hard too if that's her association.  It is for DS too. He rarely wants to set his feet on the floor if he hasn't had nursing first. 

    And in reading back to my first post, I cut and pasted it and mangled it in the process. Oops!  It should have read that I don't use "babies do..." and then the part about since we don't have another baby around it isn't necessary. 

    Report Reply
  • futrkingsleyfutrkingsley member
    imageashleyhuney:
    imagefutrkingsley:

    I've tried not to use " It's not necessary in our case as there is no other baby on the scene.  babies do this and you don't because you are a big boy" reasoning with him.  It doesn't feel true for our experience or the stuff he's been exposed to by his other family members, and I don't want to shame him into doing something or giving up something just because other people think he's too old for it. 

    I get what you are saying but it doesn't have to be a shameful discussion.  Yes, "nursing is for babies, are you a baby?" would be.  From about 2.5 from time to time I'd talk to him about nursing in a story format.  We talk about how when he was a baby that he drank LOTS of mommy milk because he couldn't eat any food.  And we'd discuss why, because he didn't have any teeth, etc.  And then I'd talk about how when he was bigger he was able to eat but he still drank mommy milk too.  And we'd talk about why.  And then I would end up the story by going over all the ways he is such a big boy now, the treats he gets (we've only recently been letting him have sugar more regularly so that's new to him), how he uses the potty and dresses and helps, etc.  I wouldn't end by saying that he was too big for nursing.  And if he asked to nurse I'd let him.  I just wanted to prepare his brain for the end of nursing the same way I'd prepare him for any change, with lots of discussion.  Of course, part of the discussion is also to help him understand what babies can and can't do because we are getting ready for a baby.

    I'm glad you found a way to do it that works for you.  We also talk about him growing and changing and things he used to do that he doesn't do anymore and things he's learning how to do as he grows.  Since his exposure to tiny babies is quite limited right now, as I garbled above, we don't need to get into the finer details with him (teeth and no teeth, etc). 

    In our larger family there is a lot of shame attached to baby/big kid comparisons and I find them common in conversation with strangers out and about too.  If our familes had their way, DS would be shamed into not nursing because others don't believe he should or should need to because he's not a baby.  And I don't agree nor do I want him exposed to that idea.  I have to be forceful when around others if it comes up and I have to choose my language very carefully when speaking to him directly.  He is very perceptive, sensitive and he picks up on even unintended messages.

    Report Reply
  • ljlkmljlkm
    I just wanted to thank you all for the discussion. We're still nursing and while I'm way over it, DS still loves it. I'm willing to let him keep going or a while, but I am totally dreading even the thought of weaning. This whole conversation gives me hope that it doesn't have to be horrible.
    Report Reply
  • kittylovekittylove member

    We are in somewhat of the same boat. I am ready to be done but not quite ready to force the weaning issue. I guess my advice would be to switch up who bathes the kids and gets them ready in the am if you can. That is how we droped the am/wake up nursing. It took some of the guilt out of it for me to just have DH deal with it. Good luck with droping those last two.

    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"