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ldcoffel
member
Visitation of infant?
ldcoffel
member
My husband and I are not separated, but he has threatened me many times with divorce and has even worked out a visitation plan for dd. He says he would get her Sunday and Monday's because those are his days off. But I am due in September and do not feel comfortable letting him keep an infant too. At what age would you let xh take the baby over night?
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Re: Visitation of infant?
Rule of thumb is 18 months for infant overnights to begin.
The caveat:
1. Breastfeeding would strengthen the case to prolong the start of infant overnights
2. Your H's is already a father and a judge "might" see that as perfectly able to care for an infant.
3. If you pump/formula feed, especially if the infant goes to day care the judge might take that into consideration and allow overnights earlier.
I highly doubt that any judge would allow overnights to begin anywhere before 3-4 months old.
ALSO dont' sign anything regarding visitation for either child until you and YOUR lawyer goes over it. You don't want to give away any rights you didn't know you have b/c you trusted someone who is looking out for HIS OWN interests and not yours anymore.
I have fought tooth and nail to prevent 50/50 physical custody AND overnights with my baby before he's a year old (I am losing on both points... our older boy goes on a 2/2/3 schedule for the past few months and has had overnights a couple times a week since STBXH moved out when he had just turned 2). I was originally under the impression that 18 months was the rule of thumb for overnights and that bf-ing would stall it out, but that's just not true in my state (NV). I breastfeed (and pump when I'm at work and for visits with dad) and never supplement with formula.
It's going to end up being a couple of overnights a month starting probably next month (he will be 8 mos old), then up to once a week when he turns one, then stepped up from there and finally joining big brother on the 2/2/3 when he is 18 months. I plan to breastfeed until 18-20 months (self-wean, his brother weaned at 20 months) but the court doesn't see that as a preventative to dad having overnights, unfortunately. At least he's a decent father... but it seriously sucks for me. Baby doesn't even sleep through the night yet and probably won't for a while, so I'll just have to get up a couple times in the middle of the night to pump, just so he can sleep at his dad's apartment.