Anyone ever think it might not ever happen for them?

Ms H13 · June 2011

Maybe I'm a Debbie Downer, but after 24 cycles of trying, I just feel like it might never happen for us. Of course we are about to start IUI and if that doesn't work we'll go on to IVF and statistically our chances are not bad... but we're certainly not guaranteed anything in this process, and recently I've started to believe that we'll never get there. My DH is an eternal optimist and is almost counting on getting KU with twins with IUI #1, he was less than happy to hear that I don't expect good news any time soon. Anyone else feel this way?

STL34 · June 2011

Yes. I think that frequently. But, we've already had 2 failed IVF cycles. And since we are OOP for IF treatment and meds, we aren't going to have many more shots at having a family. With everything we've spent on IF, adoption is likely out of the question, too.

girlofsummer78 · June 2011

Honestly? No. I really try hard to keep positive. Sure there are moments where I think "Why is it taking so long?" I try not to let it get me too down. It's like I let myself be upset for a period of time (an hour or so) and then that's it. I'm a full believer that positive thoughts and vibes help more than negative. We are being extremely positive with this IVF cycle.

JennPierog · June 2011

All the time, very much so in this long disappointing cycle I'm in now

Good luck and try stay strong!

CluckyEV · June 2011

Yes! I am in the 2ww for cycle 24 & IUI #1. MH is the same way. I say "next month" he says "what happened to this month?" & "what if we are not?" he says "what if we are?" I feel grateful that MH is an optimist; it comforts me. Don't you love that Mr H13 is so positive about all of it?

Sweets11 · June 2011

I've felt this way for awhile. I'm due to start cycle #23 any day now. I've even started telling myself it won't happen and preparing for the inevitable (my sister announcing she's KU shortly after her wedding, my good friends pregnancy announcements, missing out on 'family' events, etc.)

Since this is my first IVF cycle I'm having waves of hope, which is refreshing, but also terrifying.

I found this quote today, and I think it applies to this situation (sorry if this is cheesy):

"Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength."

Ms H13 · June 2011

I am grateful that Mr H13 is an optimist, I just wish I could share in his optimism! Some days are of course easier than others, I've just started to notice that my days of pessimism are starting to overtake my days of optimism lately...

STL I am so sorry to hear about your unsuccessful treatments. Hugs to you and anyone else that needs one.

Ms H13 · June 2011

Sweets11:

I've felt this way for awhile. I'm due to start cycle #23 any day now. I've even started telling myself it won't happen and preparing for the inevitable (my sister announcing she's KU shortly after her wedding, my good friends pregnancy announcements, missing out on 'family' events, etc.)

Since this is my first IVF cycle I'm having waves of hope, which is refreshing, but also terrifying.

I found this quote today, and I think it applies to this situation (sorry if this is cheesy):

"Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength."

I'm stealing this and keeping it in my purse for when I need to look at it. DH also just suggested writing a list of everything I'm thankful for/ways in which I/we have been blessed. It is a very long list, even if a baby is not on it (yet).

AKB090609 · June 2011

I was right there with you for like six cycles (from our one year mark until or referal), but once we starte treatments and testing I started to get my hope back. My DH is the same way as yours, I told him I had three good follies and he says "Do we have room for triplets?"

freeman2121 · June 2011

I feel the same way. We have been ttc since march of 2005. 3 fertility clinics & alot of $$ later & still no little one. Had I known how much was going to go into this, I would have skipped the other steps & just done IVF. That is definetly my advice to anyone who has been ttc for a long time. My thoughts are with you - good luck

jbeck78 · June 2011

I absolutely feel this way, and unfortuanatley it keeps getting where I think more and more like this. It makes me really sad, because I am just not one of those people that think I would be okay without kids, I know that I want kids.

I think its really sad for the parents that want them and the kids that need it, that adoption is so expensive, because there are some really great people that would be awesome parents, and they just dont have the funds, its sucks and its sad!

speckledfrog · June 2011

In my darker moments, yes. On a day to day basis, I'm a bit more positive. With the boom of BFPs recently I've started to get a bit panicky that it won't happen. Like there is a finite amount of BFPs and if it doesn't happen right now we'll miss the magical window. I know it's totally crazy! I don't really believe it, but the thought does pop in there.

adoruhbul · June 2011

I do too, but more of an OOP perspective. I can't go on to IVF any time soon because we don't have those kind of funds, or have credit cards with a high enough limit, and we don't own a house to take equity from. For us if the meds and TI or IUI don't get us pregnant, than we are off to adopt most likely, and it's heartbreaking for me to think about the fact that we may not get pregnant because my body doesn't want to cooperate and we may run out of money before I get my BFP .

It's a hard journey, and since you are only just starting treatments, it's still a very high probability you will get pregnant. Though I just started my treatments as well, and feel that way . I hope IUI does work for you and you get your BFP

Ms H13 · June 2011

Thanks ladies, don't know why, but for some reason knowing other people have felt the same way makes me feel better. Hope we all get our BFPs soon.

Gregermis · June 2011

Even after getting a BFP I worry I will never have a take home baby and will have to turn to adoption. If that's the case, I will embrace it with a happy and hopeful heart, but I'm just not there yet mentally.

Ms H13 · June 2011

Gregermis:
Even after getting a BFP I worry I will never have a take home baby and will have to turn to adoption. If that's the case, I will embrace it with a happy and hopeful heart, but I'm just not there yet mentally.

I agree - I am sure that if having our own baby is ultimately not in the cards for us that we will discuss becoming parents through adoption. When/if we get to that point, I'm sure I will also have a happy and hopeful heart, but I am nowhere near there emotionally at this point. Part of me wonders if in some way my pessimism is my own psyche's way of preparing myself for the worst.

inlovewithB · June 2011

YES!! Ever since our miscarriage last September I have had an overwhelming feeling that I will never be able to carry a pregnancy to term. It took a long time for MH to get on the same page, but we just submitted an application to an adoption agency. We are going to continue to TTC and will be over the moon if we end up becoming parents to a baby through adoption and or through my womb.

I feel so much more at peace about this cycle knowing that my body isn't the only way we can be parents.

Ya Never Know · June 2011

I'm the type of person who always assumes the worst.... that way if it actually happens then I won't be disappointed right? It's probably not the healthiest way of thinking, but I've been this way forever. For the most part, I believe that we will get there, but then there's another part of me who prepares for the possibility that it won't.

renee3n2008 · June 2011

My H is the same way. Even after 3 failed IUIs he still thinks I'll be pregnant with twins with this IVF. Don't get me wrong I am really holding hope that this cycle will work but in the back of my head I feel like I need to be prepare for a BFN. I don't take BFNs well (like any of us do) and if this fails we have one more shot with a fet and we are done. The thought of being done and not getting my take home baby just freaks me out. Make me tear up every time I think about it.

Sigh..... I HATE YOU IF!!!

wordslikeswords · June 2011

I absolutely feel this way. I feel like there are just stumbling blocks everywhere. And I was so confident in our first IVF cycle, which was a bit of a mess at first, so now I'm freaking out because I see so many people with successful first IVFs, and I feel like I see so few with success on 2 or 3. Which is probably in my head, but still. It sucks so much. I keep getting kidney tests done and at some point I'm going to have to stop for that if not money. I hate IF. I hate it.

SmlTownGirl87 · June 2011

inlovewithB:

YES!! Ever since our miscarriage last September I have had an overwhelming feeling that I will never be able to carry a pregnancy to term. It took a long time for MH to get on the same page, but we just submitted an application to an adoption agency. We are going to continue to TTC and will be over the moon if we end up becoming parents to a baby through adoption and or through my womb.

I feel so much more at peace about this cycle knowing that my body isn't the only way we can be parents.

This is exactly how I feel. I just had my second miscarriage and I just have this overwhelming sadness that we wont have a child on our own. I have this gut feeling that it wont happen for us. DH and I are also going to start looking into adoption . I feel a little overwhelmed at this point as far as that goes as well. I am not even sure where to begin......

mrshurley10 · June 2011

totally, especially when i finally got KU and then miscarried at 5w3d. i feel like its never going to happen. although i havent been at it as long as you, (im only on cycle 13) it is still so hard. Although i have my doubts, i do try to be positive (when i can) usually comes and goes thru the month. good luck to you! unfortunately all we can do is continue to try, (and waste our baby savings account on IF) Tongue Tied

Ms H13 · June 2011

Thank you so much ladies. You don't know how much it helps to know that it's not just me that feels this way - seems like the message I get from everyone IRL who knows about our IF is that it's wrong or vulgar of me to not be super optimistic about our chances.

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