Situation with Evie - WWYD?

MLvK · June 2011

I posted last month about how Evie had a playdate with her friend, who ran off and made a new friend then they were mean to Evie and told her she couldn't play on the slide...

Well this girl is my best friends daughter. Evie loooooves her. Asks for her all the time. Except they don't play well together. So this past weekend, we had a joint garage sale and the girls were playing together during the sale - inside and outside the house. Ella's friend from across the street came over too. Ella and Nicky totally ganged up on Evie. She came to us crying because they played a game called "Ghosts" and trapped Evie on the bed and wouldn't let her leave the room. Ella's dad gave her a time out (although to be honest, I didnt see any of this incident, so I wasn't sure on what grounds...He seemed genuinely PO'd at the situation though.)

Tonight at bedtime Evie told us that Ella and Nicky tied her up on a chair with a jump rope. Ella is known for tying things up with jump ropes. But never a person, as far as I know. Evie was very specific about what happened, what chair, etc. I have no reason to believe Evie is making this up, mostly because Evie isn't at that age yet of telling fibs. For God's sake if Nico gives her apple juice she tells me right away.

Anyhow, I think about how they were upstairs and how hurt Evie could have gotten. They could have wrapped it around her neck. Ok, so they didn't. They still tied my little girl to a chair. I am furious.

Do I have a right to be? Should I talk to Lisa? Should I ask that Nicky not play at the house when Evie is there and therefore not have Evie ganged up on? I know I am going to ask that they not play upstairs unsupervised. I don't let kids play in my second floor, but every person has their own rules. I am just going to tell Evie not to play up there. Am I over-reacting? WWYD?

UGAbride · June 2011

I'd be worrying myself sick about the what-ifs, too, tying her up with a jump rope is no joke. I'd definitely mention it to your friend, and ask that they not play unsupervised for a while (ie. always within earshot). I'm sorry Evie has been getting ganged-up on, it's hard to think of our kids feelings getting hurt, even though I know it happens. She's 3, you can still protect her.

ebearwife · June 2011

I am so sorry this happened. I would be so angry. The jump rope thing would make me so upset. I don't think you can let this go since it seems these girls play unsafe games, not to mention mean and hurtful. If your friend does not respond well then maybe its time to put some distance unfortunately. Definitely no more unsupervised play. Your friend will "get it" when you are visiting and you follow the girls around the house wherever they go - the message being that your child is not safe around her child.

ally-cat · June 2011

So sorry. It just breaks my heart that Evie's good friend is treating her this way. I would put some distance between yourself and the best friend. I know it will be hard to explain, but if this woman is your best friend, she should understand that your children come first. I am not in this situation so it is hard to say how I would react, however, reading your post made me angry. Is your friend not aware of her child's behavior when she is in the presence of her other friends? I don't know. The whole jump rope thing would have worried me to the point of no more play dates.

ally-cat · June 2011

Let me add that I don't mean distancing yourself from your friend. Just maybe the girls? Good luck Michelle, very tough situation.

tracigator · June 2011

You are not overreacting and I would be absolutely furious too. I would definitely talk with Lisa about it. I'd ask that they would not play unsupervised and I would definitely insist that Nicky is to be nowhere near Evie, meaning not come over when she is there.

Is Ella mean to Evie when they play by themselves or just when Nicky is over or there is another kid around? If they are fine together with just themselves, then I wouldn't limit their interaction although I would make sure they don't play unsupervised for awhile.

If Ella is being mean to Evie all the time, then I would say no more play dates until Ella is out of this phase. I know how hard it is because it's your best friend and she's like family to you but you definitely need to watch out for Evie. If I remember correctly, Ella is a little older than Evie too, right?

Good luck with everything and I hope Evie's feeling aren't hurt too much by her friend. I feel so sad for her!

MrsL1022 · June 2011

That is terrible! I am so sad for Evie. I think it's time to have a heart to heart with Lisa. This is just one of many incidents. Ella's behavior always seems to get brushed off as 'oh they are just kids'. Well tying someone else's 3 yr old up with a jump rope is dangerous, not to mention mean. I would be horrified if C did that to another child. I would definitely ask that there be no more unsupervised play. I would also try to make sure other kids aren;t entered into the equation b/c that seems to be when Evie gets singled out. I know you can't control that at open play somewhere but you can at each other's houses. GL I am sorry you are in this situation. It's a tough one but you are not overreacting at all.

missmlp · June 2011

This is so awful! If you are uncomformtable with approaching your friends I just would not let Evie play with her daughter unless you are there. I have this golden rule with my kids "if there is any doubt in my mind, or if I'm not 100% comfortable with the idea/situation" the answer is no, no, no. Luckily DH and I both on the same page about this golden rule. We feel that we can give anybody a 1% chance to put our kids in danger or f*** up when it come to our kids especially since they are so small and can not defend themselves. This rule applies to friends and even family which has been hard but we have stuck to our guns on this one. We are so strict about this that certain siblings of ours will never babysit our kids or even drive them down the street to the park because of some of the bad choices they have made or lack of responsiblity and we will not give them a 1% chance to put our children in harms way. Yes, it is awkward and we have been called out by our parents but it is what it is and we don't give a sh** what anyone thinks even our parents because it only takes a hot second for a mistake to happen. We are a bit extreme but it makes us comfortable knowing are kids are ok and in good hands.

maykat · June 2011

I would definitely express concern to your friend.

I would also encourage Evie to play with Ella without Niki and watch how they interact together. Are the other girls the same age as Evie? Those games seem really mean for 3 yr olds and I would really have my guard up.

so sorry that Evie is going through this.

donna&ed · June 2011

I am furious at this! How traumatic it must have been for Evie! Sorry, if I'm emotional, I'm probably not helping you any.

I dont know what's the perfect remedy for this but if I am in this situation, I will never feel comfortable leaving my child out of sight with your friend's kid anymore.

Mrs.Guz · June 2011

MrsL1022:
That is terrible! I am so sad for Evie. I think it's time to have a heart to heart with Lisa. This is just one of many incidents. Ella's behavior always seems to get brushed off as 'oh they are just kids'. Well tying someone else's 3 yr old up with a jump rope is dangerous, not to mention mean. I would be horrified if C did that to another child. I would definitely ask that there be no more unsupervised play. I would also try to make sure other kids aren;t entered into the equation b/c that seems to be when Evie gets singled out. I know you can't control that at open play somewhere but you can at each other's houses. GL I am sorry you are in this situation. It's a tough one but you are not overreacting at all.

This exactly! You are not at all overreacting! Even if this was the first incident with Ella, I would be livid!

mingaling2 · June 2011

How horrible. I don't think you're overreacting at all. I would be furious, too. Poor Evie

noyoucomehere · June 2011

What is it about strings and tying things up? A&E love tying things up; even each other. But they're not mean. They're just having fun.

Do you think that being tied to the chair was upsetting to her? I'd think she would have cried to you or something much earlier than bedtime. You didn't say whether Evie was upset by that particular incident.

Regardless, playing that way is dangerous and I'd definitely make sure Lisa knows it happened and supervise their play from now on. If other kids aren't usually there when you guys are, I wouldn't say anything about only having one-on-one play dates. If someone else comes over and you're already doing a supervised play date, I'm guessing the second kid would be a non-issue.

I'm sorry she's having to go through this. On the one hand, you don't ever want your children to hurt, but it's through those experiences that they grow and learn.

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