Leaving your kiddo

jsugrin · June 2011

Ok, I tried to make a clicky poll but apparently I'm incompetent :::sigh::::

I know all the "experts" say to make it quick but say your goodbyes and let your child know you'll be right back. That's ducking out when they can't see you is like the holy grail of no no parenting.

Well, both of my kids do far better if they don't see us leave and they always have been like that. From the time Andrew was 5 months old if we said goodbye to go to the Grocery store he'd be a mess the entire time but sneak away and he was fine be it for a short time or overnight. With Cooper we started off with the say goodbye move but it immediately became apparent he's like his brother and fares better if they don't see us walk out the door.

So I ask you, what do you do with your child and how do they handle it?

hersheykiss · June 2011

E seems to be indifferent either way. When we drop her off at DCP she will give out hugs & kisses and then run over to an activity. That is her way of dismissing us. At home, we are quite blunt and open and say, "Bye bye," give kisses & hugs, and she continues out her business. Sometimes she even follows us to the door. On rare occassions we have to distract her and sneak out. We have basically let her control the goodbyes, to a point. She in her own way dismisses us with kisses and hugs and then goes back to what she was doing.

futrkingsley · June 2011

I try not to ever sneak out. He doesn't always do well with goodbyes, but it feels honest to me and that is important in my dealings with him. We are apart a lot as a family and I want him to know, even when it's hard, and even when we wish we could be together, that I love him and it's okay to miss each other.

But that's my kid and our life. He did well when I went to work for the first 2 years I think? And then he suddenly started not wanting me to leave. And preschool drops offs were a MESS for way too long. I think the headmistress hated me and my method, which was never to leave him while he was in distress. Which wasn't working well. She really wanted me to just leave even when he was sobbing. And it's just not in my DNA to do it.

The only time I am okay to leave him without saying goodbye is when he's asleep and about half the times I've attempted to do a nap-time Target run or meet a friend for coffee after he's down for the night, I've gotten a super crazed teary call from DH that he woke up and is in serious distress that mommy isn't there.

Smuches4u · June 2011

Mason for the most part has been one of those kids that says, Later & expects you to leave without much fuss. I do make a point to get him to acknowledge saying goodbye/Love you/have a good day. Once I've got acknowledgement, I'm outta there. Too much lingering results in fits.

pkw · June 2011

EJ is fine pretty much any way the goodbye happens. DH leaves for work before he gets up in the morning so perhaps that is why he doesn't worry and knows we will be back. He also is a pro at being dropped off at a grandparents and throwing a waive over his shoulder and running off to go play and leave me wishing for a longer bye bye.

kittylove · June 2011

We tell him we are leaving and then try to distract him with a game toy or movie so that he doesn't watch us leave. Like your kids he does 100X better if he doesn't watch the door close behind us.

KellyMRocks · June 2011

Grey went through a phase where he freaked out anytime someone left, but thankfully it was short lived.

At school, we set up a routine. Wash hands, play in the sand for a few minutes, then hug, kiss, say goodbye and leave him with a teacher. The routine helped a lot because he expected the same thing each day. Eventually he didn't need the routine anymore and we could break it...or rather, HE would break the routine.

AvaLikeLava · June 2011

S2 doesn't care yet.

G now (and for the last few months) we say good buy to. He helps "push" us out the door at daycare. It's actually pretty cute. Then he stands and the ledge for me to lean over and kiss him. After his kiss he turns around and runs off to play and I shut the door. But there are days when it's hard. If he's having a hard/clingy morning I do have to get the teachers to distract him while I leave. Sometimes I say good bye and he cries, and sometimes I just sneak out.

There was a period where I HAD to sneak out. I had 3 possible routes and ran like the devil when he'd be distracted with something. Boy am I glad those days are gone... for now.

love22 · June 2011

It really depends. In the morning for work, my DS could care less that I am leaving so I goodbye it up. However if I want to run an errand or go to the gym after work in the evening it is horrific so I usually sneak out and it is better. Sometimes if I even talk about going anywhere be it the bathroom or the store he freaks. It is best if he is into something else and doesn't notice I have left.

I think it is better to read your child than worry about what experts say.

spicy-mustard · June 2011

I'm pretty lucky in the fact that my kids really never cry when I leave them. Anywhere. But I do say good-bye, we actually have a little routine that DH and I do with them if either of us are leaving the house or dropping them off. A kiss, knucks & a hi-five. Silly, but they love it and ask for it if we forget!

alibee09 · June 2011

It entirely depends on where we leave them. K and M both will flip out if I leave them anywhere but daycare or with a few different friends. K is shy in unknown situations so she rarely isn't looking at me when I leave, and usually cries for 5 or so minutes before she calms and carries on.

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