TTC After a Loss

God is just spiteful...that's it...(long, pg mentioned)

I have been on this kick the past two weeks, where when my mom tells me "this happened for a reason"  I have told her it's bull sh!t.  You take my mom and my sister, both wound up pregnant twice when they didn't want to be, couldn't afford to be for that matter.  You can't tell me their is a reason why they wound up pregnant when I have to align the planets to wind up pregnant.

Well, maybe their is...and it is that God loves to make people really angry.  When I got my BFP, it was while I was on a "dress shopping" weekend with my BFF who is getting married in August.  We were with her mom, sister, and FSIL.  I get this BFP while I am around FSIL who just had a radical hysterectomy due to endo. 6 months prior to this trip.  She is dealing with the fact that she will NEVER have children.  They didn't even spare her ovaries so even a seregot (sp?) can't give her a biological child.  It was heartbreaking and I felt so bad.

I would have been one of my 3 friends to be pregnant around the same time, the other two are having unplanned ones, and I was the one to have a loss.

Then yesterday, I had to give myself a trigger shot, DH and I are finishing BDing, I am laying on the bed with my feet up in the air (gravity worked last time) when I get a text from a friend of mine, she wants to know if I can bring her over a pregnancy test because she is late.  She is dating someone who is older then my dad and does not want kids, she is sick with lymphoma and a pregnancy would be the last thing she wants to go through, not to mention she doesn't want kids....she gets a positive.  NEITHER HER OR HER BF WANT THIS KID!  GUESS WHAT IS GONNA HAPPEN!!!!  She takes the last pee stick I have in the house to confirm an unwanted, soon-to-be-aborted pregnancy.  WHY IS GOD DOING THIS TO ME?!?!?!

SO I have graduated from "there is no reason for what happened" to "it was so perfectly timed to piss of as many people as possible".  I hate being in this boat, especially which all this sh!t surrounding it...

TTC since June 2009 DX: PCOS October 2010
6 medicated cycles, 2 pregnancies, 1 ectopic April 2011, Early Miscarriage August 2011
7 more cycles, 1 IUI, No success after last pregnancy
7/1/2012 No more fertility coverage
8/17/2012 started pursuing domestic infant adoption!
11/26/2012 HOME STUDY APPROVED!!!
Lilypie Waiting to Adopt tickers
When relaxing didn't work is my new blog!

Re: God is just spiteful...that's it...(long, pg mentioned)

  • I don't have any advice as I am still in that bitter/angry/self pitying stage. I just wanted to say that that sucks. I am really sorry you are going through that right now.
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  • *hug*I don't think any words will make you feel better right now. But we're here to listen and support anyway.
    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers
    Married 9/22/07, began TTC 8/10
    Diagnosed with DOR, LP defect, mild endometriosis and cysts
    BFP #1 EDD 9/10/11, natural miscarriage at 6w
    BFP #2 Medicated cycle, twin boys born 4/4/12 at 29w4d
    BFP #3 EDD 8/8/14, D&C for missed miscarriage at 8w, baby boy with triploidy
    BFP #4 June 2014 CP
  • Yikes, that is bad news all around. If I were her, knowing all that you have been through and going through, you would have been the last person I called knowing what her outcome would be. Thoughts, prayers and big hugs your way.
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  • I'm so sorry and I understand how you feel. God Is not spiteful though. I found comfort in this: my mom miscarried three months before she got pregnant with me. Point being I was supposed to be here. Just like your take home baby will be. I hope that helps. Even a little. **hugs. And prayers **
  • I am so sorry. That is hard. I am not religious, so take this with a grain of salt, but I don't believe in things happening for a reason and think that things just happen and there is no point to it. That is how I can justify such difficult losses happening to such great people. Hang in there.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    DD #1 passed away in January 2011 at 14 days old due to congenital heart disease
    DD#2 lost in January 2012 at 23 weeks due to anhydramnios caused by a placental abruption
  • I don't have much to say, except:  You are not alone.  I often have the same thoughts about how unfair all of this is and I try to make sense of it all.  But it doesn't make sense.  It never will.  I've accepted that, but it doesn't really make me feel any better.  I have to believe that, with time, it won't hurt as much and I won't be so angry about the unfairness of it all.
  • "The dawn is darkest just before the night"....it's usually very true.  *hugs*  This stage is necessary.  And it's OK, even healthy, to be angry.  I have one sided yelling matches with God all the time.  But I figure, if you really believe God is the creator, then he understands and has experienced every emotion.  He gets the anger.  Sometimes, being justified in your anger is enough :-)

    *huge hugs* I'm sorry, sweetie.  I feel like people who say "everything happens for a reason" are the very people who truly do not know how you feel.  Even if everything does happen for a reason, that's for you and only you to decide for yourself.   

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  • imageClaraEarlene:
    I don't have much to say, except:  You are not alone.  I often have the same thoughts about how unfair all of this is and I try to make sense of it all.  But it doesn't make sense.  It never will.  I've accepted that, but it doesn't really make me feel any better.  I have to believe that, with time, it won't hurt as much and I won't be so angry about the unfairness of it all.

    That's a good thing to hope for. Even over a year since my last loss and over 2 since my first, I'm not AS mad/angry about things. Things still sting and when people get their BFP (irl mostly) it still stings for a bit, but I'm not as upset on a daily basis about all of it.

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    BFP #1 12/13/08 - mc 12/26/08
    BFP #2 12/2/09 - emergency surgery for ectopic 12/5/09

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  • imageMjmksb04:I am so sorry. That is hard. I am not religious, so take this with a grain of salt, but I don't believe in things happening for a reason and think that things just happen and there is no point to it. That is how I can justify such difficult losses happening to such great people. Hang in there.

    Good to know I'm not the only one on this board.   

     

  • I am so sorry you're going through this--especially in the atmosphere you're in.  I don't really have any advice, other than it's normal to feel this angry when you have all the people around you who are just not being supportive in the least.  Hearing about unplanned BFPs is always hard.  I'm so sorry.  {{hugs}}

    mm 2/17/11 * dd born 4/20/12 * bo 1/3/14 * edd 1/211/15 

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  • I am so sorry for your stinky time with your mom.  The quote "this happened for a reason" is not comforting.  God didn't take your baby away from you, He is not an angry person or spiteful.  You cannot compare your experience with anyone else's experience.  Imagine how much your some-day baby will be loved and appreciated.  Pray for those people that think that the baby is unwanted that they will be humbled and appreciate life for the same reason that you want to have a child. 

    I have told people that this didn't happen for a reason and that saying everything happens for a reason is a bullsh*t statement.  A lot of people would be better off saying "I don't know what to say and I feel really bad that you are going through this, I will be here for you." 

     Good luck!

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  • I am so sorry for your loss. It truly doesn't seem fair.
    BFP 3/14/2011 m/c 3/18/2011 @ 6w BFP 8/15/2011 Beta #1 12dpo 8/16/2011 61 progesterone 29 Beta #2 14dpo 8/18/2011 143 1st ultrasound 9/6/2011 117 bpm 2nd ultrasound 9/12/2011 142 bpm Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • I am so sorry you are having such a hard time right now  I don't buy the "it happened for a reason" bs either.  It's perfectly normal to feel this way.  It does seem to pour down constantly and the weight of the world gets heaiver with every piece of bad news.   I just recently pulled myself out of the anger stage and I'm quite content with the way all the bad things in my life are playing out.  I"m not going to be a preacher, but God is not spiteful.  Prayer is the only thing that seems to make my problems go away.  I honestly just said "God I cant take this anymore I need help" and everything seemed to get better.  But I'm so sorry I know how it feels to have all of your friends be pregnant and get to keep theirs and you can't figure out why you didn't get to.  I hope you find peace and can start to feel better.
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  • Ugh... this just sucks.  It really bothers me when people say that everything happens for a reason.  Both of my husbands parents told us this.  As a non-religious person, this explanation seems so strange to me, especially when thinking about all the people who SHOULDN"T have babies, just as you said.  I'm sorry you have to deal with this all around you.  This just totally sucks.

    BFP#1 EDD 11/8/11 - MC @ 9w6d, 4/15/11 we said goodbye
    BFP#2 DD arrived 5/7/12
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    *big hugs* I am so sorry
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    No longer trying to conceive at all.
    BFP #1 12/1/02 DD born 7/25/03 
    BFP #2 7/23/10 EDD 3/30/11 m/c 8/17/10 We will always miss you Angelique Marie! 
     BFP #3 4.13.11 EDD 12.18.11 m/c 5/13/11 d&c 5/18/11 We will always miss you Sprout Ryker! 
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  • Thanks everyone.  This rant was done at 4:30 am after hours of homework, so I know it is a little childish.  I still hate what life has thrown into my path, but I realize it happens.  You ladies are all great for understanding!Drinks and Pizza all around for being awesome!!!
    TTC since June 2009 DX: PCOS October 2010
    6 medicated cycles, 2 pregnancies, 1 ectopic April 2011, Early Miscarriage August 2011
    7 more cycles, 1 IUI, No success after last pregnancy
    7/1/2012 No more fertility coverage
    8/17/2012 started pursuing domestic infant adoption!
    11/26/2012 HOME STUDY APPROVED!!!
    Lilypie Waiting to Adopt tickers
    When relaxing didn't work is my new blog!
  • imageMarxieVonTrapp:

    I am so sorry you're going through this--especially in the atmosphere you're in.  I don't really have any advice, other than it's normal to feel this angry when you have all the people around you who are just not being supportive in the least.  Hearing about unplanned BFPs is always hard.  I'm so sorry.  {{hugs}}

    This.  I'm so sorry and sending big ((hugs))

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