I have been on this kick the past two weeks, where when my mom tells me "this happened for a reason" I have told her it's bull sh!t. You take my mom and my sister, both wound up pregnant twice when they didn't want to be, couldn't afford to be for that matter. You can't tell me their is a reason why they wound up pregnant when I have to align the planets to wind up pregnant.
Well, maybe their is...and it is that God loves to make people really angry. When I got my BFP, it was while I was on a "dress shopping" weekend with my BFF who is getting married in August. We were with her mom, sister, and FSIL. I get this BFP while I am around FSIL who just had a radical hysterectomy due to endo. 6 months prior to this trip. She is dealing with the fact that she will NEVER have children. They didn't even spare her ovaries so even a seregot (sp?) can't give her a biological child. It was heartbreaking and I felt so bad.
I would have been one of my 3 friends to be pregnant around the same time, the other two are having unplanned ones, and I was the one to have a loss.
Then yesterday, I had to give myself a trigger shot, DH and I are finishing BDing, I am laying on the bed with my feet up in the air (gravity worked last time) when I get a text from a friend of mine, she wants to know if I can bring her over a pregnancy test because she is late. She is dating someone who is older then my dad and does not want kids, she is sick with lymphoma and a pregnancy would be the last thing she wants to go through, not to mention she doesn't want kids....she gets a positive. NEITHER HER OR HER BF WANT THIS KID! GUESS WHAT IS GONNA HAPPEN!!!! She takes the last pee stick I have in the house to confirm an unwanted, soon-to-be-aborted pregnancy. WHY IS GOD DOING THIS TO ME?!?!?!
SO I have graduated from "there is no reason for what happened" to "it was so perfectly timed to piss of as many people as possible". I hate being in this boat, especially which all this sh!t surrounding it...
Re: God is just spiteful...that's it...(long, pg mentioned)
DD #1 passed away in January 2011 at 14 days old due to congenital heart disease
DD#2 lost in January 2012 at 23 weeks due to anhydramnios caused by a placental abruption
"The dawn is darkest just before the night"....it's usually very true. *hugs* This stage is necessary. And it's OK, even healthy, to be angry. I have one sided yelling matches with God all the time. But I figure, if you really believe God is the creator, then he understands and has experienced every emotion. He gets the anger. Sometimes, being justified in your anger is enough :-)
*huge hugs* I'm sorry, sweetie. I feel like people who say "everything happens for a reason" are the very people who truly do not know how you feel. Even if everything does happen for a reason, that's for you and only you to decide for yourself.
That's a good thing to hope for. Even over a year since my last loss and over 2 since my first, I'm not AS mad/angry about things. Things still sting and when people get their BFP (irl mostly) it still stings for a bit, but I'm not as upset on a daily basis about all of it.
PAL/PGAL Welcome
My TTC Chart
BFP #1 12/13/08 - mc 12/26/08
BFP #2 12/2/09 - emergency surgery for ectopic 12/5/09
<a href="http://s24.photobucket.com/albums/c13/mmperea/Decorated images/?action=view
Good to know I'm not the only one on this board.
I am so sorry you're going through this--especially in the atmosphere you're in. I don't really have any advice, other than it's normal to feel this angry when you have all the people around you who are just not being supportive in the least. Hearing about unplanned BFPs is always hard. I'm so sorry. {{hugs}}
mm 2/17/11 * dd born 4/20/12 * bo 1/3/14 * edd 1/21/ 1/15
I am so sorry for your stinky time with your mom. The quote "this happened for a reason" is not comforting. God didn't take your baby away from you, He is not an angry person or spiteful. You cannot compare your experience with anyone else's experience. Imagine how much your some-day baby will be loved and appreciated. Pray for those people that think that the baby is unwanted that they will be humbled and appreciate life for the same reason that you want to have a child.
I have told people that this didn't happen for a reason and that saying everything happens for a reason is a bullsh*t statement. A lot of people would be better off saying "I don't know what to say and I feel really bad that you are going through this, I will be here for you."
Good luck!
BFP#1 EDD 11/8/11 - MC @ 9w6d, 4/15/11 we said goodbye
BFP#2 DD arrived 5/7/12
6 medicated cycles, 2 pregnancies, 1 ectopic April 2011, Early Miscarriage August 2011
7 more cycles, 1 IUI, No success after last pregnancy
7/1/2012 No more fertility coverage
8/17/2012 started pursuing domestic infant adoption!
11/26/2012 HOME STUDY APPROVED!!!
When relaxing didn't work is my new blog!
This. I'm so sorry and sending big ((hugs))