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Update: Bio Dad contact and "the birthday that sucked hard"
So after thinking about it and praying about it, I decided that if I was him, actively dying, I'd hope that someone would have compassion for the fact that I had a HORRIFIC childhood, teen hood, and was in no way shape or form in ANY position to be a dad or husband. And when I found myself having made those decisions and failing miserablly, I bolted. I'd hope that someone would have compassion for my end-of-life need to be forgiven and hear that I was not eternally hated.
So, I emailed back just asking what I could do for him. He threw out a measly "Welp, I'm sorry so.....now lets have a relationship. Tell me EVERYTHING about you" with a laundry list of questions that I was to answer. Ummm, no. We're not just going to jump into having a relationship. That's not why I replied.
I wrote back to him: "While I don't want to go into the details of my life, know that I have created and built a wonderful and amazing life from the ground up in spite of my circumstances. I hope you've found happiness in your life. Goodbye."
He replied with "Well. I tried. I guess that I don't blame you for anything, but as the saying goes : YOU GET WHAT YOU GIVE. i WISH YOU THE BEST OF EVERYTHING IN ALL YOUR EFFORTS. It hurts me to say this, but, this is what you want...Goodbye"
Today's my birthday. My 30th. My husband gave me a 130.00 set of hot rollers for my hair (WTF) along with an hourly barrage of "What do you want to do today?" and the only thing I can think to say back but haven't is, "I want to not have to f*cking plan everything - especially my own birthday!"
So instead, here I sit pumping and crying all day long. I even told my mom to just give me the gift of leaving me alone (she told me she was going to call me back with my brother, sister and step dad and sing to me).
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!
So, I emailed back just asking what I could do for him. He threw out a measly "Welp, I'm sorry so.....now lets have a relationship. Tell me EVERYTHING about you" with a laundry list of questions that I was to answer. Ummm, no. We're not just going to jump into having a relationship. That's not why I replied.
I wrote back to him: "While I don't want to go into the details of my life, know that I have created and built a wonderful and amazing life from the ground up in spite of my circumstances. I hope you've found happiness in your life. Goodbye."
He replied with "Well. I tried. I guess that I don't blame you for anything, but as the saying goes : YOU GET WHAT YOU GIVE. i WISH YOU THE BEST OF EVERYTHING IN ALL YOUR EFFORTS. It hurts me to say this, but, this is what you want...Goodbye"
Today's my birthday. My 30th. My husband gave me a 130.00 set of hot rollers for my hair (WTF) along with an hourly barrage of "What do you want to do today?" and the only thing I can think to say back but haven't is, "I want to not have to f*cking plan everything - especially my own birthday!"
So instead, here I sit pumping and crying all day long. I even told my mom to just give me the gift of leaving me alone (she told me she was going to call me back with my brother, sister and step dad and sing to me).
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Update: Bio Dad contact and "the birthday that sucked hard"
Ohh I am so sorry that you are having a terrible birthday. I am sending you big hugs.Just so you don't feel so bad. My 30th birthday also S*#KED donkey balls.
Jake was about a month old, he was born in August and my birthday was September. DH was working a tone cause it was both football season and basball season and he was supposed to come home early from a baseball game and just hang out with me. Well his B&$C of a boss told he he couldn't leave that he HAD to stay. Mind you that there were less then 2000 people in the stadium for the stupid game. I was so mad! He did feel bad but it still sucked. SO, I basically spent my 30th alone with 1 month old. And I can't even remember what he gave me as a gift (other then the baby of course)...
I promise that tomorrow will be a better day.
hmm. can i have your bio dad's e-mail address so that i can write and tell him to go fvck himself? "i guess i don't blame you for anything"? WTF?
i'm sorry you had such a crappy day sweetie. as for the rollers . . . maybe he thought you'd really like them? i didn't know rollers that expensive existed . . . at least he went all out with it! :P
i hope tomorrow is a better day. (((hugs)))
I think I have missed an earlier post about your bio dad contacting you. I'm sorry today sucked so bad. My 30th birthday (this past Jan sucked too). My bio dad had a little to do with it as well, thank goodness it was though my brother and not as direct. I also got written up at work for total and complete BS. I can take it if I know I fudged up but, I did not and she could have done it the day before but, no, she waited until my 30th birthday...I'm still super pissed about it ( I wrote a 2 page letter disputing it).
I also feel your pain on just wanting somebody else to figure out all on their own how to do something nice for you w/o you having to handle things! I have not talked to my dad in about 10 years and I would have likely had they same response....I don't hate you anymore but, I have a good life, I really don't have much else to say. It is a hard situation to be in and I'm sorry you are in it especially on your 30th birthday. ((((big hugs))))
I'm sorry that your birthday has been such a miserable bust. My husband is also pretty bad at planning birthdays/events... I say that you designate next Saturday or Sunday as your make-up birthday, and do something really nice for yourself!
I don't know what to say about the situation with your bio dad- it sounds like he is a very self-centered jacka$$. I'm sorry the lousy email came on your special day.
Hey! I just wanted to say that I hope you feel better! I think you NEED a couple of hours to yourself. I hope you can get them!
But... I thought you wanted your Dad to leave you alone. ??? You got what you wanted. What am I missing?
Tell your DH that you don't want to plan everything instead of making him guess. He's asking. Tell him. Men are stupid and that probably won't change much.
Sorry your birthday sucked.
@ Dad: I did get what I want, he's just characteristically an a$$hole and this all had to go down around my birthday.
@DH I did tell him I didn't want to plan anything - so we did nothing.
I am sorry it all sucked. I have been there and had my dad make my big life moments all about him. I hope he does infact leave you alone as that is what you want. ((((HUGS)))) I don't know if you have done any counseling about your dad but it really helped me. It just helped me sort through that 1) it really wasn't my fault 2) I couldn't make him change and that is okay 3) he really is a selfish bastered and it was okay to kick him out of my life and lastly that it is okay to morn the father I never had.
As for DH and your birthday. I try to be really specific about what I want. Yes it sucks having to plan yet another event in our lives but it is better to get the day that I want than to sit at the house wishing he would have planned something. Same with gifts, an amazon gift registry helps A LOT!