- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Childless not by choice
Hello & a question
There was a time in my life where I didn't want children. It's not that I didn't want them, but all of the reasons to have one seemed selfish.
Nature may have been preparing me, because my DH has severe MFI. He desperately wants children, which would mean going the IVF route. Clearly I love my DH and know this is a huge thing to him, which is even more compounded by this diagnosis.
He's willing to dive into the IVF head first, where as I have lots of reservations. Knowing it's that or adoption, both of which are fraught with more heartache and financial obligation make me have a heavy heart.
I know I need to talk to a counselor, but I live abroad, so I have to even find out that speaks English and we haven't told anyone IRL.
I'm curious how you came to your decision to be child free, especially if you and your DH had differing views. Thanks!
(Live in Europe) TTC since 1/2010
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Hello & a question
We decided to stay childfree when we can out of ttc options that were right for us. We tried a lot of things, went through ART cycles, etc, but we knew how far we were willing to go. We exhausted those options. We can't foster or adopt in our current home and we have no desire to move, so that is off the table.
Through the process of ttc we talked a lot about how far we were willing to go, with the understanding that it could change at any time during the process, but it was an on-going conversation. I'd recommend lots of conversations and lots of research for both of you to try and reach a place that is comfortable for both of you.
Would online counseling or counseling through skype be an option for you? I did a little bit of online counseling before I found someone close enough to be that was a good fit.
Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle!
April 2011 CP @ 5 weeks
IVF/IUI is not possible for us as I was born without a cervix or uterus and disformed ovaries that were removed when I was 18.
I am not comfortable with adoption as it just makes me angry. And I'm not sure we could afford it.
So, really....we don't have much choice but to be child free.
Thank you for your reply. I'm hoping our pieces will fall into place sooner than later, because I too want to get on with my life. Adopting from a third country is another complexity, so the end of the rope might come quicker than I expect.
I'm coming to terms with it, because I really love my life as it is. I just hope my DH doesn't take this more personally than he already has.
I didn't even know that skpe or online counseling was an option. I'll have to look into that more.
Having a fickle teen decide they'd rather parent after going through months of thinking you'd have a child is also something I'm not sure I could bear and in the US people can decide they want their child back. It's all much more difficult than wanting a baby and helping to give one a home.
Yeah, that and the idea that someone is going to judge me, my H, my bank account, my house, my life, my job....everything just bugs me. I would have to jump through so many hoops to prove that I could be a good parent, but any 14 year old can get pregnant and nobody makes them prove a thing? Ugh.
Welcome.
I can (kinda) relate to where you're at in that, for most of my life, I didn't want to have kids. As DH and my relationship grew, so did our mutual desire for kids.
I think because of that it's been slightly easier for us to revert back to the mindset we had when we first got engaged/married. It's still hard and I still mourn my children lost to m/c and the children I'll never have - but the idea of a future without kids isn't totally new to me and for that I'm grateful.