Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
courtneydyan
member
Re: Dr says not a good candidate
I would get a second opinion, preferably from someone with a good reputation for supporting VBAC. If you want to have a large family, I think VBAC is definitely worth exploring more--like you said there are limitations to how many cesareans you should have and the risks of c-section increase as you have more of them.
The doctor who did my c/s told me I wasn't a good candidate for VBAC. She said my pelvis was too small and unless I had a preemie there was no way a baby would fit. And this was from a doctor who had a reputation for being natural birth friendly. I got second, third, fourth opinions and they all said I would be a great candidate for VBAC. I delivered my second child vaginally with no problems and he was even bigger than my first baby.
From all the reading I've done, you are a better VBAC candidate if the reason for your cesarean was because of the baby and it sounds like that is what happened with you--your baby went into distress and happened to have a tight nuchal cord. That isn't likely to happen again.
GL!
How many children would you like to have?
I would like 4 and my doctors have said that is no problem. And they said that no matter how many I choose to have, they will always work with it...it can get riskier depending on the person, but they cross that when they come to it.
However, I know it is usually safer for mom and future pregnancies to have a VBAC, so I am still giving it a chance even though I do have a c-section scheduled for my 40th week. (that I can cancel)
From what you have said, though, you sound like a good candidate for VBAC. Usually, if they think your pelvis is small, etc, then they will consider you less of a candidate (like me and the previous poster), but my doctors still say it is possible and there are definitely people who do succeed at it.
Get another opinion. Look on ICAN https://ican-online.org/ for local groups to get recommendations. Ask your local Bump board if anyone's had a vbac.
Also, ask your doctor (or any doctor you interview) about multiple c/s. Tell him you want 10 kids and is he willing to do 10 c/s on you and does he think it's a good idea? If he just agrees and mentions no increased risk, run like hell.
I switched OBs 2x for my second pregnancy and have no regrets about doing so. I had a lot of strikes against me and still had a successful vbac. They aren't always successful, but it is worth trying IMO.
But here's the hardest part... you have to keep asking questions, keep pushing, keep finding out WHY they are telling you these things. And you have to be willing to keep talking to other doctors, even if it means switching OBs at 30 weeks. Just because of their fear of being sued, it can be HARD to find an OB who really does vbacs even when some things are not textbook perfect. If you find an OB who says we'll give you a trial of labor if you spontaneously go into labor at 38-39 weeks and only if I'm on call, then they don't really do vbac. They're just willing to catch a baby if it decides to fall out of you. They're not making hard decisions and they're not really supporting you. ...um, ok, maybe I'll stop ranting and go to bed now. Sorry for going off on a tangent.
At my 6 week PP checkup after DS, my OB told me that I was a great candidate for a VBAC next time. Fast forward to my first appt. with him this pregnancy, and he went on and on about the risks of VBAC, how it was likely to fail, and that I am not a good candidate because DS got 'stuck' (he flipped sunny side up and I stopped progressing - in hindsight, I wish we would have tried moving positions and waited it out) and because I'm a bit overweight.
He totally changed his tune regarding VBACs in the past 2 years and I'm incredibly bummed. I'm looking into switching to a MW practice (with OBs on staff too) that is incredibly well known for VBACs. They deliver in a hospital that is very med-free and midwife friendly, and although I have no intention of going med-free, I am incredibly excited at the prospect of changing.
All of this to say, I agree with the others. Get a second opinion! Good luck!
Blog Chart
HAHA - I think I will steal this line.
Between kids I moved to another state, so I'll start by saying that neither practice I saw with DD2 was the one that delivered DD1. But the practice that gave me a section mentioned the chance of VBAC but that I wasn't a good candidate at my 6 week check up. Then the first practice after getting pregnant with DD2 also told me I was not a good candidate based on my history (2 hours of pushing and DD1 was stuck plus pre-eclampsia). Finally I went to another practice, one that's very natural birth and VBAC friendly and was told the same thing, but unlike the other two they would be very happy to try a VBAC with me. They had had two VBACs in their practice in the two weeks before my first visit, which was a good sign IMO.
I did end up having an induced VBAC due to high blood pressure and a history of pre-e with my first. After pushing for 3 hours they needed forceps to assist my birth, but I did get my VBAC. So, none of the 3 practices that said I wasn't a great candidate was wrong or exaggerating as it was not an easy birth and many practices would have sent me for a section rather than using forceps (very few doctors are trained in using forceps these days and you don't want someone who isn't well trained delivering that way!). The important part to me wasn't the final result (although I truly hoped for a VBAC) but rather the knowledge that if I had a repeat C it was truly medically necessary. With the practice that delivered DD2 I knew with my whole heart that they would go above and beyond to assist me in my hope for a VBAC. After all I went through I would have trusted the medical necessity of a repeat C because they worked so hard to avoid it.