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Parenting after 35
Anyone have a loud child?
My 3 yo DD is loud. She talks constantly and frequently it is in a loud voice. She will also yell for me or DH if we are in another part of the house - something that I also do so I'm sure that's where she learned it from because DH isn't the shouting type at all. She also screams - she screams with joy and she also screams when she is frustrated or angry. She is just a loud boisterous kid.
We have some fairly good friends who were DH's friends before we met, but now we all have kids around my DD's age. Apparently a couple of the dads have commented to my DH about how loud my DD is and asked whether we are "going to do something about that" when she was screaming in joy one time at their house. I also recently had one of the other moms reprimand my DD for yelling for someone as she walked through the house looking for him and they have otherwise told her to quiet down on various occasions. So I'm pretty sure they think she is loud and they don't like it.
Is this a big deal? I kind of thought it was just her personality and that she would eventually outgrow the more socially inappropriate aspects of this. I do always remind her not to scream unless she is outside playing, but it honestly isn't a huge deal to me unless she is screaming in defiance. I just think of young kids as being naturally sort of loud and inclined to yell and scream and stuff, especially when happy. But these friends are making me wonder if being loud is one of those universally inappropriate things that I should be actively working to prevent (like not sharing or hitting). Am I being inconsiderate of other people by not teaching my daughter to be more demure?
Just wondering if I'm clueless...
Eleanor Paige, born 3/27/08
Noah Christopher, born 10/2/10
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Re: Anyone have a loud child?
I do agree.. some kids are just naturally more loud than others. But that being said, it's probably time to help her learn to use her "inside voice." And you need to set the example. (I'm also guilty of yelling for my husband in our house.. he hates that!)
A 6 month old can get away with that kind of thing. But a 3 year old should be able to understand the difference. "We don't scream in church/restaurant/store, etc."
It is probably time to curb her a bit and learn more boundaries.
Margaux is practically a church mouse. Even when she's boisterous and happy, she's just not a shrieker. LUCY, her friend, is OMG so loud. She's almost three, and I swear that child never stops talking, or yelling, or screeching, and has a ton of energy. I figure it's just a personality thing, but yeah, for those of us with quieter dispositions it can be pretty grating. I really like this kid, but I will be so happy the day she figures out the right times and places to be loud.
I don't think it's wrong of her to be the way she is, though!
My kid can be loud, either when happy or sad, but I've always made it clear to him that it's inappropriate to yell when we're out. He doesn't get it yet, but he will eventually.
I mean yeah, kids make noise, but I don't think that they should think it's okay to yell indiscriminately. Not to sound like my mother, but it's never too early to teach good manners, right?
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I have to agree with pps. Think it's time to focus on her "inside voice." In general, people don't like to hear kids screaming and yelling inside, especially when the kids aren't theirs! We have friends with twin boys who are crazy loud, and I always thought it was just because they were "at that age." But when I started to pay attention, I noticed other boys the same age who were much more quiet. Unfortunately, I think when people observe a loud child, they tend to think that the child isn't well-behaved (right or wrong).
It's good to practice at home, so that she learns to speak more softly at other people's homes as well as other public places where it might not be appropriate to scream at the top of her lungs.
Have you had her hearing checked? I was apparently a rather loud speaking child and I have slight hearing loss in both ears. Even still I sometimes have trouble speaking at a normal pitch if things are loud around me.
Or she could be just an loud kid.
She would fit in here!! E was like that (ugh, and can still when she forgets), she thinks that the louder she is the more in charge she is. And she likes everyone to notice her (and she shriek screams when she is mad or hurt). K is loud too, very loud. They have two options, go outside and make noise - our house is too tiny for noise, it makes it seem super loud. Or they can sit in time out, after they've been warned to turn down the volume. Right now it's dead silent in here. They are outside playing and laughing. And the neighborhood kids are out too, they are having a blast!
K seems to struggle with turning the volume down, but we're working on it. She's a typical 3 though, she's pretty unaware of how she affects the world around her. It will come, kids are usually more aware at 5. Gentle reminders and redirection will be your friends until she's developmentally at the stage where empathy kicks in (that whole awareness of effect on others).
I just finished lurking on another board (maybe one of the tri boards), snickering at some very young 1st timers who were seething about how others "let" their kids behave and they should "make" them behave properly. Wow, are they in for a surprise. We have little humans with minds of their own!! Ellie is being three and enjoying autonomy over her actions, you get to teach her what's appropriate and expected. And the consequences. I've left places because E & K were loud and wouldn't quiet down (tired, hungry,etc) and put them in time out in public to calm them down.
Oh, and T and L were never loud and still aren't - a totally different set of personalities. And I'm getting K's hearing checked...I think she doesn't hear me all the time.
Yes, I have one. Older DD is an extreme extrovert and tends to be very loud. She's five years old now and while still very boisterous, she's come a long way since she was three.
I think your daughter will eventually outgrow some of it, like you said. If it's her personality though you'll just have to gently redirect her when you can. Having a spirited child can be challenging. Those with less aggressive children may not understand what you're dealing with. Our younger DD is her sister's opposite. I'm thankful she came along after DD because it would have been a shock had they been born in reverse order!
Thanks Timmies and KKMMex - it's nice to hear from others who's children are similar! We have been trying to make more effort to be consistent about reminding her to keep it down. Today in Target her voice was rising as she was telling me something and I told her we were inside at the store and she needed to use a nice, quiet inside voice. She didn't say anything for a bit, then she asked, "Mommy, can we talk in here?" LOL - I told her yes, but in a nice quiet voice. And she did! She's a smart kid, she is going to figure it out as long as DH and I are consistent.
I love her exuberance and zest for life - but we will try to help her with expressing it in an appropriate manner depending on where she is.
ETA: Oh, and she did have her hearing tested at her last pedi appointment, I think, and it was fine. Although she definitely seems to have trouble hearing me sometimes - selective trouble, that is!