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Preemies
"I can't wait" and "I'm so uncomfortable" posts
I am sure the girls on my month board are as uncomfortable as hell, but they seriously don't know how lucky they are to still be pregnant. They still get to be with their baby 24/7 and will get to take them home after they have them.
I don't want to be a downer to them (because they don't understand what hell it is to leave your baby in the hospital). So, I say nothing. But, I do wish they realized how lucky they are to still have inside babies!
Born at 31w3d due to severe IUGR & Placental Insufficiency--2lbs 3ounces
We'll miss you sweet Debbie Girl (4.21.12) and sweet Cindy Girl (8.9.12)
This discussion has been closed.
Re: "I can't wait" and "I'm so uncomfortable" posts
It's reaching a peak on the July board, isn't it?
I've had a hard time going over there since the babies were born in March. The pictures of the big bellies, the showers, the "I'm so uncomfortable" posts all just made me too sad. I'll probably start lurking over there more in August, after everyone's baby is on the outside and I feel a little more "normal".
Honestly, yes, you offended me a little. The "I'm so uncomfortable" posts make me sad not just for me, but for all women who have to deal with this. Which is why I said they don't know how lucky they are. I get I am "lucky". But really, in this situation "lucky" is still pretty hard.
I do however think it is normal to be jealous. We all want our babies to come home. We all want them to come home as fast as possible. I follow Addyson's story every day and you are constantly in my thoughts and prayers. I wish you nothing but the best.
We'll miss you sweet Debbie Girl (4.21.12) and sweet Cindy Girl (8.9.12)
I didn't say it wasn't normal to be jealous. I am too. I've greived the loss of my pregnancy. I was there at one point. I guess my point is... if you don't like to post stay off the board until you can handle it. If that means you need to wait until August to go over there and read their posts then do that. Go over to update on Gabe and get support but don't open other posts.
And yes I understand that "lucky" in our situation is still hard but look at the statistics between when I (and alot of women on this board) went in to PTL (21 weeks 5 days) and when you were told you had to deliver (31 weeks 3 days I think). When I went in to PTL I was told "You are probably going to have this baby today and we will do nothing to intervene and save it." Every time they went to check her heartbeat I held my breath because I didn't know if I would hear that sweet swooshing sound. I'm the LUCKIEST mom ever to have my sweet baby growing and thriving. Even when she was born the odds were against us and we didn't know if she would live.
Like I said... you are on lucky momma to be taking your beautiful little boy home soon. I can't even breast feed yet and she is almost 10 weeks old.
I'm jealous of the July11 mommas for having inside babies still. I'm jealous of you for knowing your LO will go home before mine.
Do those still pregnant have the right to complain? Of course they do! You and I both would be complaining if we were still pregnant. You and I can both complain that they are still pregnant and we aren't. BUT We have healthy happy thriving LOs and that is what counts.
Jealousy is normal in everyday life. I would never wish a preemie on anyone! They aren't wishing for preemies and they follow us so they know how hard it is. It does however hurt their feelings when people they have been supporting for weeks on end put them down.
I'm sorry I offended you but it is our reality right now. I hope you see where I am coming from.
BTW is your blog link in your siggy? I can't get on blogs at the hospital and would like to follow you and Gabe a little closer.
Take care!
Marissa
Wow, this isn't where I saw this thread going. I know this board isn't ALWAYS puppies and rainbows, but generally it is about this shared preemie/NICU experience. Yes, there is always someone who has it "harder", no matter what situation you are in. The fact that someone else has had a different path (maybe not as long/intense/scary as what you have been through, but still the most difficult thing in their life), does not negate your bad experience. Because that's what it comes down to.
For probably 90% of us, this preemie/NICU experience will be the single most difficult event of our lives, regardless of what shape that experience takes. I can tell you without a doubt that despite the fact that my daughter was relatively healthy, it was still the hardest thing I've ever done to walk away from that hospital without her. And I know that there are women on this board who have only had to do it a few days and women who have had to leave their children in the NICU for months on end - but it's still the hardest thing they've done. And don't even get me started on the women here who never get to bring their children home. There is always someone who is walking a more difficult path than you.
Same is true of katie4253 and anyone else on this board. This board is one of a very few places where you can connect with other women who have had the shared experience of checking out of the hospital and leaving their babies behind - regardless of how long the stay is. So I think we should all be thankful that our children are still with us and try to offer support where we can. If you feel you can only relate to women who have had the micro-preemie experience (which, I won't argue with you, is VERY different from the "normal" preemie/NICU experience), you may want to look for other message boards or support groups.
katie4253 - I highly suggest staying off your BMB for a while. It's only going to get worse from here, and you'll probably have a hard time relating for a while. I remember checking into 0-3 after DD1 was born (this was before BMB existed) and it was surreal for me to be dealing with things like finding clothes small enough to fit, getting a failure to thrive diagnosis, running tests to check her for cystic fibrosis and assess her reflux while all the other girls were just enjoying their newborns. And yeah...my current BMB is already doing posts like this. And we aren't even in the 3rd tri yet! Makes me nuts, but you have to remember that they do KNOW the alternative is worse, but it just isn't on the radar for them (well, except for the random girl who's like "OMG, I'm 34 weeks, close enough, induce me now!!!", but those girls are just either ignorant or selfish and aren't the norm).
Thank you for negating my experience and telling me to basically get lost. This is a public forum and I can express my opinions. I wasn't being snarky so please back off. I was trying to put some other people's feelings in perspective for her. I know she is having a hard time and I feel for her....
I relate to alot of preemie moms... even mom's who end up in the NICU with full-term (37 weeks) babes who are having HUGE issues (Pulmonary hypertension).
No one is saying it isn't hard....
I agree with this. AND I understand where Katie is coming from. AND I understand where Mefunkho is coming from. Being a preemie mom is HARD and no more so than when you are right in the middle of the NICU. It's hard not to play the "pain game" but it really does no good.
My son is almost one, and trust me, there are still days that I can't handle posts on my home board and sometimes even this one. I've rolled my eyes more than once. Those days I simply just don't reply. I let others offer their support when I can't. And, I remind myself all the time that no matter how bad my day was, there is always someone having a worse day. If there is one thing my preemie/NICU experience has given me is much, much more empathy.
Not sure what the point of my post is, but just wanted to lend support to both of you.
I am absolutely not negating your experience (did you see where I said I agree with you that your experience is very different from the "norm"?). Nor do I think you should "get lost". But you are basically telling the OP that because her child is healthier than yours, she doesn't have a right to complain. Or, at least, that is how it's coming off (darn lack of tone in message boards). In fact, your second paragraph here seems to reiterate that (ie. I relate to only parents of children with "HUGE issues"). This board is for all preemie/NICU mamas - considering the majority of preemies are born between 34-36 weeks GA, you're going to encounter a lot of women who have had a shorter NICU stay, fewer complications, etc. than you. I just don't understand the need for the pissing contest.
OK, so basically this was the intent behind my post, I'm just more of a bull-in-a-china shop than njdcgirl is ;-)
I did NOT say I relate to ONLY preemie moms with HUGE issues. I was giving an example of a poor mother I met in our NICU who is having a really rough time. I said I relate to ALOT of preemie moms and she was my example of the diversity. I relate to Katie 1. because she is from my month board 2. because she is a preemie mom 3. because she feels horrible about Gabe being in the NICU and 4. for many other reasons.
I wasn't trying to start a pissing contest. I was trying to reitterate my point to Katie in a less unpleasant manner. I'm sorry if it sounded like I wanted a pissing contest. I feel for any and everyone who ever has a child early and has to leave them in the hospital.
Thanks for your support. I also see mefunkho points, though I do think the internet translation made my comments seem worse than were meant to be. I just wish my comments hadn't been brought to birth month board. I was venting and I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I am sad that some of the girls over there think I was implying that they weren't grateful for their babies.
Gabe is 3 weeks old today and it was kind of a dark day for me. Most days I am okay, but some days are harder than others.
I probably do need to steer clear of the birth month board for the next month. I love seeing a lot of it (most of it actually), but some of the posts are getting harder for me.
Thanks to you all.
~Katie
We'll miss you sweet Debbie Girl (4.21.12) and sweet Cindy Girl (8.9.12)
i said to DS's nurse today " i cant wait to take him home and hold him with no wires, no nurses, no doctors, just the peace, quiet and privacy of my own home" she says 'its the little things in life you take for granted when they arent there and when they do happen you appreciate them so much, but remember appreciate what you do have and enjoy it because it could ALWAYS be worse, be lucky for what you have"
if im ever to get pregnant again, i will be taking a much different approach and enjoy everyday of being pregnant.
I just caught up on this whole drama (yay for pumping at 12:30a
).
Katie, your post is justified, and you vented in the appropriate forum. I like the July 2011 BMB, but there have been times when I get a "head meet wall" mentality at some of the posts (thankfully, while these were rampant in 1st tri, they seem to have settled down a bit, but there's always one or two that sneaks in). You vented in the appropriate area, and it is what it is. We all want the perfect (or at least good) get KUed/PG/birth experience, and when it doesn't happen, we see other people who seemingly, take it for granted (even though sometimes they don't, but it may appear that way from the outside).
I honestly think that is why there are so many boards on the bump. When I read about the "Crap, this is bad timing for a PG" posts, I went over to the PAIF board. When I read about the "ZOMG, I wanted a boy/girl!" posts, I went over to PGAL for a break. And when 3rd tris are complaining about "still being PG and miserable", the preemie board is a nice haven. I still enjoy the majority of the posts on the BMB/tri board, but when it gets too much, I hop over to one of my other "safe places" for a bit.
For anyone who hasn't had a normal get KUed/PG/birth experience, I think it's safe to say that we all wish we could get some of that naivety back. I don't really understand why this was C+Ped to the BMB. If this was drama-able, it should have stayed within this thread. And selfishly, it just makes it harder to catch up on all the drama when I have to jump from board to board. Make it easy on a semi-lurker, people!
BFP #3 via cancelled IUI ~ C (2lb 3oz; HELLP) 5/16/11
BFP #4 via the natural (free!) way ~ E (8lb 11oz) 9/13/12
Well, that's a first. I don't think I've ever seen drama from here posted on any other board before. I guess that could be because drama happens here once every year or so, but still.
Katie, I'm sorry you've had to deal with this, and I hope you won't be afraid to come to this board and vent in the future. You have every right to vent in the appropriate venue. Which this is. Or, I suppose, was until it was C&Ped to the BMB. Feel free to PM me if you ever want to talk. Just make sure you page me, too, I suck at checking my PMs ;-)
I think it is normal to be jealous and sad. I do think it is very important to keep everything in perspective though.
It is very normal to be uncomfortable at the end of pregnancy. They are venting on the month board - where those kinds of vents belong. The end of pregnancy can drag and be very tough. I had a full termer (9 pounds 11 ounces) after my preemie and, while I was SOOOOOO THANKFUL and RELIEVED to be pregnant for so long, there was no denying how much I wanted to just have the baby already. I personally had the perspective being a preemie mom and kept my complaints to a minimum.
Remember, we all fight battles. Right now I am one month in to a 7 month deployment. If I got "mad" every time I read a post from someone complaining about their DH being out for the night with friends, on a business trip, etc. I would be a pretty miserable person. It is impossible to censor every whine we have based on other people having it harder. Someone ALWAYS has it worse. Always.
Hang in there. I found that I started feeling a lot better after my due date with DD had passed. Until then I just felt pure guilt and couldn't look at other pregnant women without being very very sad.
Married 6/28/03
Kate ~ 7/3/09 *** Connor ~ 11/11/10
4 miscarriages: 2007, 2009, 2013, 2014
*~*~*~*~*
No more TTC for us. We are done, and at peace, as a family of 4.
"Suffering has been stronger than all other teaching, and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be. I have been bent and broken, but – I hope – into a better shape.” — Charles Dickens
Ok, I wasn't going to post but it drives you nuts when people "claim to have 'preemies?'" Last time I checked, preemie was a term based on facts. A baby born prematurely is a preemie. I would think that most of the time when someone says they had a preemie it's because their baby was born prematurely, yes? I had a late term preemie and I am eternally thankful for that. I had to leave her in the hospital but not for very long and I am eternally thankful for that as well. But I shouldn't acknowledge the fact that she was a preemie because she was a "lesser" preemie than others? That seems kind of harsh. I think anyone who has ever left their newborn child in the hospital has a different perspective and an increased empathy for others and that's the shared experience. My experience was more like a full term pregnancy than most on this board but I think that I have an extra part of my heart that will always be set aside for preemie moms because I had just the smallest taste of what so many have suffered and that changed me forever. A friend of mine had her baby at 25 weeks and I sat on my family room floor clutching my daughter and sobbing for hours when I heard the news. I had gone through just a little of what she was facing (.0001% of what she was facing) but I still think I felt for her just a little more than most other moms she knew did.
I hope that most people don't just consider me and other late term preemie moms to be poseurs or something. Those of us on this board are here because we feel some kind of connection with others out there and share some of the same concerns. I would hope this board wouldn't become a "who has suffered more" contest.
Sorry if this wasn't the place for that but that made me kind of sad and I've never before felt like I wasn't welcome on this board.