Alchris said it best when it comes to gender of a 2nd/last baby

Germanwife2b · June 2011

This is our last child through ART. We will not pursue more treatment for #3. After dreaming it was a boy last night, I am now really thinking that it is indeed another little boy.

DH really wants a second son. I would LOVE to give Patrick a little brother. I picture myself the mother of boys. I just know my "boys" will be very close to me.

But I would also LOVE the opportunity to have a daughter. To go the girl route this time. To buy pink and purple dresses. To experience a girl.

But I know when we find out the gender, I will be thrilled for what it is and I will mourn the loss of what it isn't. Regardless of the gender, this will be my reaction. Alchris said it first and those are my feelings exactly.

Lord, just give me a healthy baby in my arms and we'll call it a day :-)

Just sharing my thoughts. That's all.

kme930 · June 2011

Well said!

cmw&tdm · June 2011

I was the same way when I found out the gender of #2 and #3. I was excited about having a daughter and then a son, but at the same time it was a little sad losing the possibility of the opposite gender.

LisaMarisa · June 2011

I had the same exact thought. We ended up with a girl and while I am thrilled and love her to pieces, I am kind of sad that DS wont have a brother and that DD wont have a sister but when you have 2 kids, you cant have it all! I love my little family though!

sasa625 · June 2011

This was really well said! I feel the exact same way... We are pretty set on 2 kids. I know I will feel a bit sad if I don't give DD a sister but I would also love to have a little boy and give DH a son. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who feels this way.

alchris · June 2011

LOL, I had to read that twice to see what I said! But yes, I'm surprised anyone remembers, but that's EXACTLY how I felt, for both pgs in fact. Honestly I don't even remember posting it, but I thought those exact words every day last summer so I guess at some point I said so here too. I was just much more prepared for it the second time; I couldn't understand why I was a bit sad the first time when I truly had no preference. And of course the second time, as excited as I was that the clothes Kira never wore may actually get some use in this house and the ones she did wear could get used again, I did -- and do -- get a bit sad knowing that I'll never have mother/son dance, or be the mother of groom, you know? For the first 18 weeks either sex is possible, and then suddenly one no longer is. (I had to have repeat u/ss at 22 weeks both times so then it was *really* confirmed, and more u/ss later too. )

And the funny thing is that DH was really sad the second time, since, as I pieced together later that day, DH didn't want to share his daddy/daughter things with someone else...he wanted those to be just him and Kira. It wasn't that he really wanted a boy as his face seemed to say a second after learning she was a girl; he just wanted his relationship with Kira to be unique. He's an only child -- I had to tell him that it still would be!

(But the second time I was really happy that I wasn't going to have to get rid of all of Kira's baby clothes, hee hee. I was in a panic about getting ready for a new baby and I had a 50/50 chance of avoiding a big clothes swaperoo...phew for one less thing to do! I'm too practical. )

Meanwhile all we want is a healthy baby. Indeed what's what the anatomy scan is all about. Big u/ss are stressful, even when surrounded by plenty more u/ss.

I'm glad that my words helped, or at least stuck with someone!

Germanwife2b · June 2011

alchris:

LOL, I had to read that twice to see what I said! But yes, I'm surprised anyone remembers, but that's EXACTLY how I felt, for both pgs in fact. Honestly I don't even remember posting it, but I thought those exact words every day last summer so I guess at some point I said so here too. I was just much more prepared for it the second time; I couldn't understand why I was a bit sad the first time when I truly had no preference. And of course the second time, as excited as I was that the clothes Kira never wore may actually get some use in this house and the ones she did wear could get used again, I did -- and do -- get a bit sad knowing that I'll never have mother/son dance, or be the mother of groom, you know? For the first 18 weeks either sex is possible, and then suddenly one no longer is. (I had to have repeat u/ss at 22 weeks both times so then it was *really* confirmed, and more u/ss later too. )

And the funny thing is that DH was really sad the second time, since, as I pieced together later that day, DH didn't want to share his daddy/daughter things with someone else...he wanted those to be just him and Kira. It wasn't that he really wanted a boy as his face seemed to say a second after learning she was a girl; he just wanted his relationship with Kira to be unique. He's an only child -- I had to tell him that it still would be!

(But the second time I was really happy that I wasn't going to have to get rid of all of Kira's baby clothes, hee hee. I was in a panic about getting ready for a new baby and I had a 50/50 chance of avoiding a big clothes swaperoo...phew for one less thing to do! I'm too practical. )

Meanwhile all we want is a healthy baby. Indeed what's what the anatomy scan is all about. Big u/ss are stressful, even when surrounded by plenty more u/ss.

I'm glad that my words helped, or at least stuck with someone!

You said it before your big ultrasound and I remember reading it going "That's EXACTLY what I was thinking and could never articulate". I did not feel this way the first time because I always "knew" I would get a second go at it (that was presumptuous of me). But this time it is bitter sweet. I would prefer to go Team Green again, but alas, DH is dying to know and I got my way last time. So, I guess next month we will know!

alchris · June 2011

Germanwife2b:
alchris:

LOL, I had to read that twice to see what I said! But yes, I'm surprised anyone remembers, but that's EXACTLY how I felt, for both pgs in fact. Honestly I don't even remember posting it, but I thought those exact words every day last summer so I guess at some point I said so here too. I was just much more prepared for it the second time; I couldn't understand why I was a bit sad the first time when I truly had no preference. And of course the second time, as excited as I was that the clothes Kira never wore may actually get some use in this house and the ones she did wear could get used again, I did -- and do -- get a bit sad knowing that I'll never have mother/son dance, or be the mother of groom, you know? For the first 18 weeks either sex is possible, and then suddenly one no longer is. (I had to have repeat u/ss at 22 weeks both times so then it was *really* confirmed, and more u/ss later too. )

And the funny thing is that DH was really sad the second time, since, as I pieced together later that day, DH didn't want to share his daddy/daughter things with someone else...he wanted those to be just him and Kira. It wasn't that he really wanted a boy as his face seemed to say a second after learning she was a girl; he just wanted his relationship with Kira to be unique. He's an only child -- I had to tell him that it still would be!

(But the second time I was really happy that I wasn't going to have to get rid of all of Kira's baby clothes, hee hee. I was in a panic about getting ready for a new baby and I had a 50/50 chance of avoiding a big clothes swaperoo...phew for one less thing to do! I'm too practical. )

Meanwhile all we want is a healthy baby. Indeed what's what the anatomy scan is all about. Big u/ss are stressful, even when surrounded by plenty more u/ss.

I'm glad that my words helped, or at least stuck with someone!

You said it before your big ultrasound and I remember reading it going "That's EXACTLY what I was thinking and could never articulate". I did not feel this way the first time because I always "knew" I would get a second go at it (that was presumptuous of me). But this time it is bitter sweet. I would prefer to go Team Green again, but alas, DH is dying to know and I got my way last time. So, I guess next month we will know!

Yes, the LAST time thing is always there. EVERY day I know this is the last time I'll have a baby 7 days before turning 6 months, for example. It's insane. I shouldn't be typing now since it means I'm not looking at my baby at 11:18pm 7 days before she turns 6 months. And then I think she was born at 1:10am so really we're just over 6 days from 6 months and I get even more weepy. It feels like it's the last time or last opportunity for everything -- it's just pitiful.

You win my all time (vain) award for best subject line though. Thanks.

ETA: And I didn't want my pg to end early like it did. I wanted to be pg every second I could be, pukiness, etc. and all...it was all for the last time. So enjoy enjoy enjoy, as I know you are.

choco_lab · June 2011

I feel this way, too. I want to know but don't want to know at the same time because I want to keep the dream alive of having a little girl to take to dance class, dress up in pink and play dolls with! Of course, I'll be thrilled if it's a boy and DS will have a brother.. but I will mourn the opportunity to have a daughter since this is it for us. DH really wants to find out .. we have our US in about a week. I'm going to have them write it on a piece of paper to take home and open when it is the right time. I know whatever happens is meant to be and I will just be thankful to have a healthy baby in my arms.

alchris · June 2011

Exactly how I felt, choco_lab.

I would have considered not finding out with #1, but the whole logistic thing got in my way with #2, so I definitely wanted to find out. But, having found out with #1 as well, and remembering feeling so guilty for feeling somewhat sad when I was so open about what #1 was, going into my anatomy scan with #2 I knew to expect a twinge of sadness despite my excitement upon finding out. That's not to put too much weight on finding out the sex -- that's not what made me so nervous leading into the anatomy scan, after all -- but the sex of our kids will affect the rest of our lives as well and I think it's OK to admit that and to be prepared for missing the one that doesn't happen while celebrating the healthy one that does.

pandabearlover · June 2011

I read this post last night and it still has me thinking. Of course I am mourning my son and wondering if we will ever have a little boy. But at the same time, I know even if we do have more kids, they will get older and someone will be my last baby-maybe it's Carly or maybe it's not.

Thanks for the thoughtful insight.

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