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LGBT Parenting
Hair
Spinning off PIP responses, can we talk about hair? One of my favorite instructors wrote a book on hair and my committee chair wrote several articles on Black hair. Hair is quite an interesting sociological "phenomenon."
Growing up I was a very tender-headed kid and HATED getting my hair brushed. As my hair grew longer my locks turned into waves and my father believed in the 100 strokes forward and 100 strokes backward EVERY night...hated it! Today I have very short hair, one because I don't know how to style it (go figure...LOL!) and two because it now frizzes out as it gets long.
There are so many different types of hair that I am curious on how you approach hair and how you do or plan to address your child's hair. For those who have children with hair different than yours, what are your techniques? For instance, I adopted my DD when she was 5 and the one thing I did not know how to handle was her hair. Let's just say she wore two "poofy" pony tails for awhile. Then we both agreed on cutting it short...as she grew perms and braids followed (which can be expensive).
So, my curiosity is peaked...mullets (sp.) or no-mullets...let's have some hair talk.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Hair
as a foster parent, they had us take an "ethnic hair care" class (stupid name) which was kinda helpful, but was too focused on teaching us how to do and care for "black hair" as if there was only one kind and one way to care for it. Well, I have 3 black children with 3 very different hair types. They all need way different care.
Sprout has gorgeous curls that are medium-maintenence but they get wild if his hair grows too long (like now b/c his mom doesnt want us to cut it...she wants it to grow long so he can get braids). When his hair is shorter, a leave-in conditioner and a touch of gel and he's good to go.
Daisy has gorgeous, baby soft curls that take nothing more than a wash, comb, and leave-in conditioner. We're waiting to see if her hair changes...RB's started the same but changed to its current texture around 3/4 months old. Daisy is showing no signs of change so it just may stick!
RB's hair is much like her skin - dry and tempermental. With tons of product we can get her mini-fro looking nice, but it really needs to be done every day (not practical!) to stay looking perfect. At this point I dont try to "do" her hair more than just keeping it moisturized, combed out, and healthy since she *hates* it and its not worth it to me to hear her scream. Someday, though, i have visions of poofy pony tails
Blogs: Our Growing Family - CT Working Moms
Aww...Sprout in braids. I can't imagine that!
My kids hair is pretty much like mine - fine and straight. For a couple of kids who didn't need haircuts until 2y+ *they were bald forever* their hair grows incredibly fast. We are having to take them for haircuts every 4 weeks or so. They get pretty crazy bedhead that I tame with J&J detangler every morning.
i do admit that i miss being able to put bows in hair. I love bows in little girls.
lol, me too
except, RB is obsessed with this one particular bow that she insists on wearing every day and, truth be told, i'm sick of it! lol
Blogs: Our Growing Family - CT Working Moms
Oh this is a topic I like!
A's hair is just like mine, straight and thick. She generally wears her hair back in a ponytail or else her hair will be knotted and sticking out every which way at the end of the day. I will not perm or color or do anything chemically to her hair, she can choose to do that when she turns 18 if she wants. I don't curl or straighten her hair either, it's just not good for the hair. A loves her hair, especially when I cornrow the front and throw a few braids into her ponytail. She washes her hair every 2-3 days and we condition twice a month (more often if she is in a pool during the summer).
Iz's hair has been a learning experience but it's been a pretty smooth learning curve so far. She has type 4 hair, very tight/small corkscrews the diameter of an ink pen refill. Everything I've learned about her hair has been learned online, except my trial and error of course. Her hair is thinner above her ears and hairline and really super thick on the back of her head. I wash her hair once every week to week and a half and condition during that time, I rinse her hair when needed and cowash (wash with conditioner only) if she gets grass or dirt in her hair between washes. I use a deep moisturizing conditioner daily as a leave in and styling aid. I detangle and brush her hair once a week using the Tangle Teezer (LOVE this thing) and a detangling product. I generally try to keep her hair in a protective style (braided or twisted) but also like to give her hair some loose time and will leave it in an afro for a week. I just bought a jar of coconut oil and am beginning to experiment with that for moisturizing her hair. I use all sulfate free products on Iz's hair, they are much gentler on her curls and don't cause the breakage that regular hair products do. I will not chemically treat Iz's hair, that's her decision to do so at 18 if she wants. I've learned to braid just so I don't have to spend the money going to a salon all the time for Iz. Each time I do a new hairstyle on her I add the pic to my Mommy's Salon album on FB.
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I regularly tell both of the girls that they have beautiful hair because I think it's important for them to love their hair.
Two Mommies Healing Hearts
Well I have very thick curly/wavy hair that is past my shoulders. DW loves it, I hate it. If I don't brush it at least three times a day I develop huge knots under my hair. Now DW has "black" hair. But she (I) takes very well care of it. Perms ever six weeks, regular cuts and washes ever 3-5 days. She has thick hair for a black person..(apparently..) and its kind of curly.
We decided that our children would be mixed black and white so that they're all the same race and not my white children and her black children. According to DW mixed children can come out with all sorts of hair. I'm curious to see how ours will end up. One thing we know for sure..it'll be thick and it'll be curly lol
As a child my mom would often sit and put my hair in those pink foam rollers, taking what seemed like hours! I remember the pain of sleeping on them. But I always had adorable ringlets! Growing up my hair was straight but held curl very well. I was allowed to get a few perms along the way. As I got older I realized my hair actually had a lot of natural wave. I can wear it in pretty much any style, and when I have the time to treat it right I really love my hair.
As for DD, I expected her hair to be much darker an courser than it appears to be. She defintiely has curly hair for now. The ringlets are so adorable! Actually the curls that are coming in remind me of SSG's Ella and her curls. We'll see what happens when she gets more of them but I love them and hope they stay.
As for when she gets older she can choose any hairstyle she wants (within reason I guess). I've always been of the "hair grows back" mindset so she can change it often if she wants.
Oh, and no bows or big flowers on her head. Maybe eventually but since they are more for the parents than child I don't see the attraction.
I have really thick, dark brown hair, which I dye randomly. It is straight as can be and one side will hold a curl while the other side falls flat....and which side that is depends on the day. I have had bangs, no bangs, perms, red, blonde, brown, long, short...you name it I have probably done it at one point in time. My mom had the hair grows back mentality but I live with the consequences and WILL go to school with whatever I do to it.
DW has very thin hair and she usually keeps it VERY short on the sides (a one I believe) and then finger length on time which she styles messy. Right now she is in desperate need of a haircut. It has reached the length that I refuse to do it even though I will maintin it after it has been done to avoid every three week haircuts. So we joke she is rocking the Beiber look lol. Growing up it was kept long until she graduated high school (per her mom's request) but was died who knows how many colors...
As for our children it is a toss up, it will depend if the future offspring are mine or DW's and since we have changed donors... We both kind of feel hair will grow back so I do not think once they reach middle/high school we will be too strict. With girls I will say if it is long and they are old enough to brush it then it needs to be kept neat and brushed or it will not stay long. I suppose if our boy would want long hair then :eh: same rule applies. As of right now I am just excited Ky has hair! I like to put it up in little bows. When she was a lot smaller, she always wore a headband but now she yanks them off so she goes without anything. It is starting to curl a bit in the back and if it is damp then it curls more. My bio father has THCIK, curly hair so it is a possibility that she will have some too.
I have northern European white person hair. It's medium thickness, medium brown (lighter in summer), somewhere betwen straight and wavy, and excessively frizzy, and I've had it long for almost all of my life. I cut it to shoulder length in 3rd grade after a power struggle with my mom over brushing it, and again to shoulder length just before I left for college. It was blonde until I was 4-5ish.
DW has Scandinavian hair (incredibly straight and thin, and a very light shade of brown). People in NJ/NY always tell her that she is blonde, and she is constantly disagreeing. We don't see a lot of her hair color here. However, when we went to her sister's high school graduation in her (small, Midwestern) home town I looked at her and was like "Becky, EVERYONE here has your hair!!"
A former client had a young African American daughter who had very dark skin and kinky hair that was not frequently done. This little girl always stared at my hair and told me it was pretty and was fascinated to watch me pull it into a ponytail. Knowing a bit about the cultural weight behind this issue, it made me feel incredibly self conscious and concerned about how to deal with it. I made a point of telling her that her hair was pretty and that I liked it too, but I still think about that little girl and her fascination.
IVF Oct/Nov 2012
Beta #1 = 77, Beta #2 = 190, Beta #3 = 1044
Cautiously optimistic.
I have curly to wavy hair. I do nothing to it but wash it condition and put some Moroccan Oil in it and leave the house. I am so thankful that i have hair that I don't need to do much to. My mom kept my hair short as a kid and I hated it.
As you all know I have a curly top as a daughter. Her hair makes mine look straight. I actually have to work pretty hard to make her look like a little girl and not Einstein. We use a multi pronged approach with E. We use J&J 2 in 1 extra conditioning shampoo with conditioner to wash her hair.https://www.amazon.com/Johnsons-Conditioning-Shampoo-Packaging-18-Ounce/dp/B001E96O88 We have tried different shampoos and conditioners and find this one gets her tangles and knots out best. After we towel dry we put in a leave in conditioner and detangler that we found at whole foods. https://www.beautifulcurls.net/store/pc/viewPrd.asp?idproduct=13&idcategory=4
It helps to prevent frizzies and bed head when she goes to sleep. In the morning we use the Johnsons and johnsons no more tears detangler spray and sometimes a little leave conditioner.
Yup my kid has high maintenance hair! It is also really cute so I guess I can't complain. I do dream of when her hair will go in cute pony tails and french braids (although I don't know how to do them!). Believe it or not it actually is well past her shoulders when wet. E just pulls out barrettes and head bands so we have not invested too much into them. I wish she wanted to wear some bows but I think they may pull too much on her hair at this point. Some day maybe.
Annie's hair is very thin and pretty straight, with just a little wave at the bottom. I still have never cut it, and when wet it goes almost to her waist.
Around the house when it is just us I pretty much let her hair hang loose. I don't want it to break from being pulled back a lot. When we go out it is either pulled on the front and sides in a little pony at the top, or else in two pig tails. She doesn't mind the ponys ( she calls them her piggies) or the bows. The only thing she won't leave in is if I just put in a clip with no hair binder.
Pretty typical "piggies" for us.
I have long straight/wavishy really dark hair which I keep layered and wear down or back in a pony tail or messy bun or french braid - complete with headband! My mom died when I was young and so, to keep things easy, I had a bowl cut with bangs my whole life. The second I was allowed to grow it out I learned how to french braid and 'do' my own hair in every direction possible. K has absolutely beautiful hair. It is the thickest hair I have ever seen. It is brown with blond highlights, naturally wavy and hangs to her shoulders. When she will sit still, I straighten it or braid it and it is gorgeous. She doesn't care too much about it, just wash, blow out and go so it is kind of frizzy, which she hates. She could have stunning hair, if she wanted to spend a little more time on it in the morning. Mine is a lot thinner, I have hair envy
Ironically she envy's my layered, thinner hair. Her hair is so damn thick if she layered it, it would be.. hilarious!
Our kids.. I am of a similar mind set as TwoTrue. Hair grows back. If my kids want to cut it, wear a mohawk or color it purple - eh. It is a sign of (harmless) self-expression. Fine with me as long as they are polite and try their best in school. I not-so-secretly loooong to have a little girl with bum length hair I can braid. I love pretty hair do's!
Ah... hair.
My hair is fine and straight (that's the Danish part of me). My mom kept it short (pixie cut) when I was growing up until one day when I was 12 or so I got frustrated and told my dad "it's my hair, it's not Mom's pet, it's MY HAIR!" Apparently my dad thought that was pretty funny, so he made me repeat it when we got back home. I would have been way too nervous to ever say something like that to my mom on my own. After that, though, I was allowed to grow it out, which I did for a few years.
As an adult, I've mostly had short (as in, 1-2 inches long) hair. I grew it out for our wedding in 2008-- a long and painful process, but worth it in the end (I liked my hair on our wedding day). Since then it's been long because I don't know what to do with it. I need something more professional than the boyish style I used to wear, and I do kinda like the ability to french braid it for big work events, so I'm hesitant to cut it all off. I mostly dislike it, though. Not that I spend much time on it-- I wash/condition it every morning and put a little volumizing mousse in it, then point the car's air vents at my hair as we drive to work to dry it.
We had no idea what we'd end up with for our kids hair (I'm white, donor is black). Little Man has cute curly hair that's a good robust texture. The tightness of his curls comes and goes with the weather, but most of the time his hair looks ok without us doing anything to it.
Peanut has the curly-ness of the donor and the crappy fine-ness of my hair. If I don't put it up, it looks like she has bedhead all day (no matter how organized it looks when I brush it in the morning). I would prefer to let it be, and we typically do leave it alone on the weekends. I have to put it up every morning during the week, though, because if I don't, the daycare workers do it while she's at daycare. When I do it, I give her two little pigtails, but when they do it, she ends up with 4 to 6 pigtails. Peanut HATES the process of taking the rubber bands out (even though we just cut them out). I try to explain to her that if I do her hair in the morning (which she doesn't particularly like, but usually will tolerate), it means less pain/anxiety in the evening, but I know she doesn't understand me.
I have no intention of torturing her with her hair for all of her formative years, though, so if she ever seemed stressed about me messing with her hair, I'd leave it alone. I think when she's a little older we'll probably do just one ponytail and leave it at that.
IUI #3 gave us the best 2nd anniv. gift ever: 2 babies! (born 03/09/10)
Peanut and Little Man are getting so big! 2 years old already!
finally blogging again at This Will Be: An Adventure