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Food Allergy
Echowysp
member
Do you guys sometimes feel like the family Food Nazi?
Echowysp
member
in Food Allergy
Ds is allergic to peanuts and possibly hazelnuts. So, all nuts are avoided at this point. It was hard for dh and I to come to terms with the allergy because he didn't have reactions right away to pb and peanuts and then it was just a few hives along his jawline. But now we realize with testing that it can be serious.
The problem is with our family. They will often times still have nuts around. Most likely he's not actually allergic... the doc said it could possibly be an echo from the peanuts, but just to make things less confusing, to avoid all tree nuts. I always have to scour the desserts they serve at family dinners and often times will find nuts. It hurts me because I'd think that after months of us reminding them, they'd remember he can't have them. Try explaining to a toddler why everyone else can eat the dessert and he can't.
One dinner I came in to find dishes of nuts and peanuts right at his level. I quickly told dh's cousin that he might get them and can we put them away. Then my SIL, who we see weekly, brings over a dessert made with pb. I hated feeling like a freak, but it got me really upset. They ended up making everyone eat at the table away from ds and then put the dishes away. Make me feel like ds was a freak.
So, how do you handle it? We've told them again, but I think people don't take it seriously because maybe we still don't feel it as seriously since he doesn't have huge reactions.
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Re: Do you guys sometimes feel like the family Food Nazi?
This happened all the time when DS was allergic to wheat. I obviously didn't expect people not to eat wheat around him (it's in practically everything!), but they would often offer him food that would have made him majorly react.
We also went to a family get together and SIL had bowls of mix nuts around on all tables - most were within DS's reach. We knew he was allergic to tree nuts and peanuts at that point (although, didn't know how bad until he had an ana reaction this February), so I strapped him in a carrier so that he couldn't touch anything/be touched by anyone, and we left after just a short bit of time.
The only thing that really sealed the deal for them understanding how severe his allergies are, was when he had a severe anaphylactic reaction to a peanut exposure this February (didn't even ingest any). We had to use his Epi-Pens, call 911, etc. That finally made everyone really realize how severe things are.
At this point, if we were someplace with a bowl of mixed nuts sitting out, we would immediately turn around and leave since his allergy is now so severe that the dust from them would trigger an ana. reaction.
It's frustrating, but I think I've come to embrace the Food Nazi status.
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I am very fortunately that simple exposure to nuts won't cause a reaction, it would have to be ingestion. I am in a different boat thanks to the adult onset, but I haven't had to be food nazi with my family. I just don't eat the foods with nuts. My dad is partial to all things pecans, so there is inevitably a pecan pie, oatmeal pecan cookies, or something else around. My family does forget that I can't eat them and I will occasionally be offered something. I just decline and remind them.
When it comes to my kids it would have to depend on the severity of their allergies. If they were severe I would definitely be a food nazi. Controlled food and environment or we don't come over. If it is more on par with my allergies I would just be sure to monitor what is given to him/her and what foods are within reach. I am used to constantly having my food radar on, so it wouldn't be that big of an adjustment. I would probably irritate the piss out of my relatives by reminding them at every function that LO can't eat certain foods, so run it by me or DH before giving anything out.
As a parent you are the best advocate for your child with allergies until that child is able to advocate for themselves. Keep up the good work with this even if it is isolating -- keeping your child alive is more important than being liked.
People don't understand food allergies/intolerances in general, so don't feel too bad about having to be a "nazi" about it. Think of it as a way of re-educating the world, which if food problems continue to multiply will be a necessary evil. Once again, you're just on the cutting edge of the phenomenon.
In handling it with family it is difficult because they often don't understand the severity. The seriousness is not in the severity of the reaction, but that multiple exposures over time create more severe reactions each time. If you can prevent those first few reactions from happening (and having long stretches between them when they do happen) then you have the possibility of the allergy going away.
Honestly, if people we see all the time refused to "get it", I would stop going to their home. And I would be very honest about why. To a degree, they are choosing to not "get it". But if they see a consequence (you all not coming around), they may actually start to think about it more.
However, when it comes to people you don't see often, and/or big events - I think it's less realistic to expect people to remember. And thats when you simply have to be on high alert and take food that you know DS can eat.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
One thing I have to add, though, (having been on the other side of the fence w/ friends whose DS has a severe nut allergy too) - is that you also need to talk about the issue and educate them. You can't just expect them to "know", so to speak.
These friends of ours never really talked to us about the issues or what it was that he could and couldn't have. They would only react in the moment.
We all tried to work w/ them - but when they wouldn't make the effort to educate us and LET US understand, and we were only made to feel guilty if a wrong food were around, it was frustrating to be around them.
So - this is why I now try to talk to people about DS's celiac past "oh, he can't have wheat or gluten". I tlak more specifically to the foods he can't have, and what will happen if he eats something he shouldn't.
Just something to think about - if you haven't REALLY talked about it, do so. NOt in a confrontational manner, but in a "Hey, we just want to explain to you more about what his allergy means" and talk about what he can and can't have and be very clear about what will happen if he gets something he can't have.
As I said in another post recently, I think a great "line" to use is "While we do everything we can to protect him, we can't do it alone. We need your help to keep him safe. It DOES take a village.".
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Oh yes. There was a time last year, when DS was still allergic to dairy, that my mom was having a bagel with cream cheese and jelly. I had to ask all sorts of questions to find out how she prepared it and found out she used the same knife on both and did the jelly second. She felt horrible, but it didn't even cross her mind that there was a problem until I explained it all to her.
We haven't run into your scenario too much yet. Generally we host or I feed DS before we go, since that is more of his meal time anyway. I'm on some email lists from food allergy sites that will send good educational articles sometimes. I forward those to family members as another way to reinforce what I've already told them.