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Austin Babies
timing of TTC/having a baby
ok DH and I are coming to terms with the fact that our original savings goal before TTC is probably not realistic, certainly not in the time frame we had though. after asking about this before, I feel more comfortable with the idea of not having as much saved but i'm not at a point where i'm comfortable going off BC and just winging it. i'm also not comfortable waiting 2-3 years before TTC. i mean nobody plans to have trouble conceiving. i have no reason to believe i will but you never know!
a lot of you said before that you just make it work. honestly, what does that mean? you learned to eat Ramen noodles every night? you've stopped buying anything other than the bare minimums? you took on second jobs? you're deep in credit card debt? hubby finally grew balls and asked for a raise? lol.
i'm sure if we had a baby now we'd somehow make it work but I can't figure out how. the thought of having a baby and not being able to support a baby scares me. i know i'm far more conservative than i probably need to be when it comes to our financial situation. maybe i'm thinking about this too much... but hubby and I started talking last night about it and neither one us can figure out what the right time is for us to start. will we feel better in a year? will we feel like we're in the same position in a year and will regret not just having jumped in feet first sooner??? emotionally/mentally we're both ready to start next year sometime but financially we just don't feel ready. i know people say you never are but... agh. i'm just repeating myself now.
advice anyone? thoughts?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: timing of TTC/having a baby
I agree that it's very difficult to have a concrete number in mind that will make you "ready" to have kids. And not knowing anything else about your financial situation, I do know this: you and your DH sound like you both have good, secure jobs. That's a HECK of a lot more than many many people can say when they start having kids, and they make it work.
Things to think about, re: cutting back/making it work. 1) Coupons and sales are your friend. Couponmom.com always has great deals and offers. It takes some research, but it's worth it. 2) baby does not need the absolute best, brand new model of everything on the market. Second hand nursery furniture, clothes, even bedding and gear (except a carseat and crib, unless you know and trust the previous owner) are absolutely the way to go, IMO. 3) breastfeeding, if you can will save you LOADS of money on formula. If you can't bf, refer to #1 for formula coupons! 4) Cloth diapering (from what I hear) will set you back a little in the beginning, but will more than pay for itself. 5) making your own baby food, again while more time-consuming, will save $. 6) going out to eat less, buying clothes/things for yourselves less often or being more vigilant about sales will become second nature, you won't even think about it.
DH and I don't use credit cards, and even with paying for full time daycare, we are able to make it work without getting extra jobs or living on ramen noodles, and we even are able put $ into savings each month. Sorry I can't be any more detailed than that, but that's our experience in how we make it work.
When 3 Became 4
Someone said to me the other day that there's never really a "right time," you just make it work. Kinda like what you've heard. It seems to be that way for us. I don't know how you'll feel in a year, whether you'll feel more stable/ready or not. We didn't know for us either, so we figured, now's as good a time as any.
Our "making it work" has really been getting our acts together and re-prioritizing. We should've re-evaluated the budget a long time ago and gotten serious about paying off debt amd saving for house DP. Baby was a really good push for us and set a definite goal/timeline. When I got the BFP, we figured - ok, we've got 9 months or so to get it done and we're just working toward that now. J took on a second job for a while (maybe not necessary if no baby on the way, but it will speed up our payoff/savings and benefit us in the long run, baby or not) and he applied for a better job. He probably would've kept coasting without this little push.
I guess we've just made changes we should have already anyway.
Maybe it's not that you're never really ready, but more like, once you have to, you get ready. Does that make sense? That seems to be how it was for us. We finally have the motivation to get things done before she gets here. I'm sure I'm no help at all, so GL with whatever y'all decide!
One thing that might help is to figure out a realistic amount of $ it will take to have a baby. This includes estimated medical costs of pregnancy and delivery based on your insurance, as well as what you think it would cost to get nursery ready to go. DH and I called that our "Baby Start-Up Fund." Then we opened a separate savings account and started putting $ into it every month. Whether you can save $100 a month or $1,000, it helps you feel like you're working toward a concrete, attainable goal.
Also, you just have to remember that babies don't HAVE to be expensive. Poor people have babies all the time. You just can't get hung up on expensive new nursery furniture or new designer baby clothes (which never made sense to me anyway...they're just going to get barf on them). As long as you're ok with hand-me-downs or maybe second-hand stuff, you can save tons.
GL!
As you probably know, our baby was a complete surprise...we've had no choice BUT to make it work! For us, that has meant cutting back in lots of areas. We spend max of $75/week at the grocery store. We only eat out about once a month. We dropped our dig. tv/roadrunner/phone down to just roadrunner and are using rabbit ears/watching our shows on TV. We plan to stick around home more often, or go for a picnic, or watch old moves at home. And to top all that off, we do have some CC debt, but we're REALLY limiting it. Making it work has also included buying second hand baby stuff when we can, trying not to want all the other baby stuff, and leaning on friends/family for support (both emotional and financial!) It's been a huge blow to our pride, but we're so happy that it's worth it.
And to be honest, I don't think you can EVER be financially ready to have a baby. If you're waiting for that time, then it will never happen. If you're comfortable with the idea of having a baby and are ready to make the sacrifices it takes to afford the baby, then I'd say you're ready to TTC.
We had one major financial goal pre-TTC: pay off my student debt (aka the credit card I lived off of during college). We figured out the maximum amount we could pay towards that each month without eating ramen and got it knocked out pretty quickly. Once it was paid off we sent that extra money to savings. So that has helped build up a bit of a baby fund.
It might also help to do a monthly expense tracker. If you pay for a lot of stuff with cash (as opposed to a debit card/check/online bill pay) it can be a bit of work. But it's the only way to really see where your money is going every month. I started doing for us a long time ago and when TTC came around we sat down, looked at the info and made some choices on where we could cut back. Any money left over at the end of the month went into savings.
Also, if you're contributing above your company's 401K match, consider cutting back to the minimum amount necessary to get that match. You can always bump it back up once BabyFly gets here and you know just how much money you'll really need.
FWIW, my BFF and her DH lived off of less than $40K with one kid for over 2 years and then with a second kid for about another year so that she could stay home. Their girls never look like ragamuffins, they never live off of ramen and they're not in debt up to their eyeballs. Everytime I worry about whether or not we can afford BabyFroggi, I think of them and know that if they can do it we certainly can.
I agree with everything rssnlvr said.
Also, I think it depends a lot on your situation. There are people who are barely scraping by as it is and people who are counting pennies, but doing it so they can save as much as possible as opposed to spending it on whatever they want. If you are already doing everything you can to limit expenses (like eating Ramen, no cable, carpooling, etc.) then you'll have a harder time. But chances are, if you have enough money to not fret about money every second of the day, you'll figure out how to make it work.
For us, we were primarily focused on medical expenses, because our insurance sucks and that was by far the biggest expense related to having a baby. We got a few things from friends, we had great shower gifts and we really only paid for the crib and matress at first. Formula isn't cheap, but $100 (which is on the high end) a month to feed a member of your family isn't that bad when you look at the big picture. Diapers are a big expense, but cloth is one way to save there. It doesn't have to break the bank.
We spend a lot on baby clothes, but that's my main splurge. And even then, I use coupons and find deals all the time.
Also, I think a lot of it is about commitment and willingness to make it work. We have an emergency fund, in case we find ourselves unable to pay on the house one month or whatever. I never thought much about it until I came within inches of quitting my job while 3 months pg with #2 and DH was a SAHD with no income at the time. But, we came up with something that worked for both of us, which made us reduce expenses but made us happier people. I guess my point is, you really do make it work. That's going to mean something different for everyone, but don't need $10k in savings to have a baby and there are almost always things you can do to cut back on spending to have room for new baby expenses.
I don't have a lot of insight, but DH and I have been talking about this more and more lately and it's been on my mind a lot the past few months. So thanks for bringing this up, Ash! I'm really interested in all the responses.
We've been putting ourselves on a budget for the past few months and saving a nice chunk of change every month on top of our emergency fund and our 401k/403b investments. However, that money is earmarked for travel (big trip to Italy next year) and stuff we "need" like furniture. I guess we're still in the selfish mode of wanting to spend money on ourselves and it's hard to think of that chunk going to daycare every month instead of into our savings. Emotionally/mentally, I think that we (at least me anyway) are ready to welcome a child into our lives... just trying to figure out the logistics now. Scheduling logistics too, especially with me wanting to BF and CD and not really wanting to cut back on my travel for work. Who knows though... maybe once a baby comes along I'll want to cut back or cut out travel all together... that would be a GREAT time to move to back to Austin!
All hypothetical of course.
BFP 12.20.2010 :: missed m/c 1/2011 around 8 weeks
BFP @ 9dpo 5.24.2011 :: missed m/c 6/2011 around 7 weeks
positive for ANAs (1:40) with a speckled pattern
MTHFR c677t mutation (heterozygous)
*folic acid, baby asprin, Prometrium, acupuncture, Lovenox*
BFP @ 9dpo 2.1.2012 || HCG = 8 : Progesterone = 19.2
2nd HCG @ 11dpo = 40 || 3rd HCG @ 21dpo = over 5000!
Stick, little one, stick! EDD October 15, 2012
you are very right and i need to be reminded of that sometimes. i tend to plan a little too much when it comes to life (thus the reason why i started a 101 list in the first place).... sometimes i forget to just LIVE cause i'm so busy planning!
we already do some serious budgeting. i track all of our expenses monthly, i never buy non-essential items like clothes or decor at full price... i'm the queen of finding bargains so I know I'll always be able to handle that aspect of doing things on the cheap. and i do have to say that lately we have been spending more on ourselves/the house than we typically have in the past and that's certainly one area where we could cut back more to help beef up the savings. i do need to go back and maybe draw up a more realistic baby budget that makes us feel more comfortable and just work towards that rather than the dream budget (i mean i don't NEED two professional photography sessions. lol). that's $1k off the baby budget
if we don't get PG right away than that gives us time to say more above and beyond the basics to get towards that dream budget.
thanks again for all your thoughts. i feel a lot better about making the leap even though we may not feel as financially there as we'd hoped. and i know we're still probably 6ish months away... but the planner in me can't stop thinking about it so i appreciate everyone humoring me and putting your 2cents in
I'm with the others in that from what I have seen, most sensible people tend to re-prioritize after having a baby in order to make it work financially. They just put the kids' needs before their own luxuries and make it work. Now, you probably don't want to be drowning in debt and add a child to the mix... but worse things have happened.?
It seems to me that a lot of financial concern just depends on your expectations. If you want the nursery decked out in PBK, Bugaboo stroller, new mom car, etc., then you probably want to save for those things. Let's face it, you can go high-end or low-end with pretty much everything baby-related. ?
Would it help to meet with a financial planner??
I think you got some really great advice and your second (response - the one you wrote) post is dead on. The biggest "cut back" I've noticed with us is that we don't go out to eat (or out at all really) much anymore. And that's fine ... we are enjoying staying at home.
Knowing you .... my gut says you guys are ready and have nothing to worry about. I say go for it!
I don't have anything to add to all the wonderful advice, but I wanted to share that even if you do wait for the perfect time it doesn't mean things won't change.
We waited until we were exactly where we wanted to be before TTC. By the time I was PG with Hadley it was still perfect timing- DH had a really great (read: high paying) job, we were in the "forever house", we had no debt and minimal bills, etc. Couldn't have been better, but then when I was 7 mos PG the subprime mortgage market started to collapse. That great job of DH's? Yeah, guess what industry he was in. By the time DD was born there were a lot of changes in the economy that had a direct (and huge) impact on our lives. DH's income is probably about half of what it was so you know we had to make some big changes! But, we've made it work and to be honest I hardly even notice. To be honest, I'm surprised how *inexpensive* having a baby is. I BF, which is close to free (pump, a few bottles, lactation tea and tinctures are still a fraction of formula); we use cloth diapers, which doesn't even come close to what you pay for sposies (even getting the Kirkland brand from Costco, at $.20+ per diaper, is more than cloth). She needs far fewer clothes that I anticipated and resale shops are a great place to look to save money. Most of her toys come from Family Connections for free. Also, I have less desire to spend money on myself now, so what used to be for me I now prefer to spend on her which really balances it out.
So what I'm saying is that even if the perfect time miraculously happens, it may not stay that way. You may waste half a decade (or longer, since you guys are young enough to not be in a biological rush) waiting for something that may never happen, or if it does then it may be pulled out from under you by circumstances out of your control.
I agree with the pp. I think it's rare to find a couple who was 100% financially ready for a baby. But, from everyone I've spoken to regarding this issue, you will make it work. For DH and I, we have had to cut a lot out in order to stash away more for this baby. We pulled out money we had in stocks, which was difficult to stomach, and we are cutting back on a lot of things we used to love. We only eat out together 1x a month, we carpool to work when we can, I try to bring my lunch to work at least 3x a week. We rarely go out to movies, etc. We just took a long hard look at our budget and cut back where we could. However, we still live comfortably!
I feel like as long as we have each other, we will be fine and we are both excited to welcome this baby boy into our family. He may not have the best of everything while DH is in grad school, but he will receive a lot of love and attention and I know DH and I would sacrifice anything we need to in order to ensure he is taken care of.
In addition, I have been shocked with how wonderful and supportive my family has been - in as much as SIL and mother are both going to watch our baby because I'm going to have to work. It's going to be a lot less expensive than day care and we are thrilled that he will be in our family's care.
You might be surprised with the support from family and friends you will receive, which you never knew to be possible!
Honestly, I would just try to save up for the actual delivery of the baby and any money you'll need to take time off and buy him/her the initial items s/he will need. After that, I truly think things will work out. That's just my .02 cents.
i think that's the point that we're at. Save for a few bare minimums and the rest will work itself out!
We had a bit of credit card debt before we TTC. We just put a large amount of money towards that every month and once it was paid off we started TTC and put the money that went to the CC's into savings. We put together a number that we were likely to spend every month on baby (day care, diapers, clothes, medical). We used that number to put that amount into savings every month. We knew we'd be able to manage once we didn't have that money to count on since we put it straight into savings and didn't touch it. It really helped to give us a realistic idea of how much we needed to have a baby and it helped to have that money in savings once DS came.
Maybe you and your DH could sit down and come up with an number on what you expect to spend each month on a baby. Then start socking that away. Then you'd have at least a year of savings by the time baby comes. We started saving in January of 2006 and had DS in January of 2007. The best part was that we still pretty much have what we saved in tact since we now use what we were putting into savings to pay for daycare and whatnot and we haven't had to touch our savings much.
Liam is 5!