SO not pleased...

~Lynchie~ · June 2011

Dh just informed me that his brother has decided to move his August Seattle wedding to Mexico, and that dh will be going as his best man. I am not pleased because...

A) I am going to be 31 weeks pg with twins, and I'm sure taking care of Holden is not going to be easy at that point.

We cant afford a last minute trip for him to Mexico (uh did he forget about the extra baby that just got sprung on us that we now have to pay for??)

C) I want to go to mexico! I feel like if he's going to use OUR money and OUR airline miles then they should be spent on a trip for US!

D) Did I mention that I am going to be 31 weeks pregnant with twins?? What if something happens while he's gone??

The whole situation sucks, but its his brother, so I cant just say no I suppose...

Not. Pleased. Blar.

keri1013 · June 2011

Oh that is not good at all. I agree wholeheartedly with all your reasons for being upset. I understand the brother aspect, it is hard to bail on your own brother's wedding. I don't suppose BIL is interested in moving it earlier? It still wouldn't be fair to you but at least you wouldn't be quite as far along. If he does go he owes you BIG time. Sucky.

LauraLynneC · June 2011

I'm usually on "team bride/groom" but NOT in this case!! Good heavens....I'd be TICKED!!

1 - I'm not sure I'd 'let' him go. The chances are high(er than he realizes) that these babies will be born early.

2 - It's also likely you'll be on bedrest or modified bedrest at that point with no help for Holden...

3 - and what if they babies come early and you're pumping, going back and forth to the hospital and not able to drive because of a c-section (thinking specifically of a friend of mine in that exact situation right now). He will NEED to be here.

I just don't understand how his brother didn't take any of this into consideration (or are they not close?!). I'm shaking my head at the decision...and DH considering going? No. No way. I don't see it as even possible.

(and not saying that you won't go full term, have 2 happy healthy babies, and a non bedrest pregnancy...but the what-if's warrent some serious consideration, especially with twins!)

skenyon · June 2011

UH! Yeah, not cool AT ALL! i get that it's his brother but what about his wife and his kids! I would have some very choice words for my DH.

Seattle_JiLLn · June 2011

LauraLynneC:
I'm usually on "team bride/groom" but NOT in this case!! Good heavens....I'd be TICKED!!
1 - I'm not sure I'd 'let' him go. The chances are high(er than he realizes) that these babies will be born early.
2 - It's also likely you'll be on bedrest or modified bedrest at that point with no help for Holden...
3 - and what if they babies come early and you're pumping, going back and forth to the hospital and not able to drive because of a c-section (thinking specifically of a friend of mine in that exact situation right now). He will NEED to be here.
I just don't understand how his brother didn't take any of this into consideration (or are they not close?!). I'm shaking my head at the decision...and DH considering going? No. No way. I don't see it as even possible.
(and not saying that you won't go full term, have 2 happy healthy babies, and a non bedrest pregnancy...but the what-if's warrent some serious consideration, especially with twins!)

ALL OF THIS!!

dawnies79 · June 2011

Ugh! I would not be happy either. I'm sorry. I can't believe no one (dh, bil) is thinking about the fact you will be 31 weeks pg...with twins. The whole thing sucks!

doublem · June 2011

Ugggg - why are men dumb about things like this? I agree with you and everyone else! I wouldn't blame you if you told your DH that he can't go. I'd be nervous about it!

cmcmillan · June 2011

Wow, I would be pissed to. Did dh have any reservations on what might be going on with you and the twins/H?

KameronLee98 · June 2011

My best friend was in this same situation when she was about 31 or 32 weeks pregnant with twins too. Her DH's sister was getting married in Mexico but she made him stay home b/c her Dr. kept telling her that she COULD go into labor at any moment. Thanks goodness she didn't go into labor, but he did stay home b/c he would have been really upset if he missed his babies being born. Are they having a reception at all for people that couldn't go to Mexico?

~Lynchie~ · June 2011

When I brought up the fact that I could have these babies early he said "You're not even due til November!" I was like "Uh.. whos pregnancy are YOU following?? Im due in October and The latest we will be having these babies is Oct 17th.. remember??" Its not worth fighting over, although I may say something to his mom about it on Sunday, maybe she can be voice of reason My plan = be passive agressive, Plan B is pray that BIL's plans fall through since they've already changed the wedding location and date 4 times.

Is it wrong that I would be way more understanding if this wasnt both BIL and his FI's second weddings?? and if they weren't nearing 40? Plus Dh and bil aren't even that close...

Seattle_JiLLn · June 2011

Could your mom stay with you while he's gone? I'd say there's a better than 50/50 chance you'd be on bedrest by then. It seems that a lot of twin pregnancies end up on bedrest at that stage... So even if you don't actually HAVE the babies then (and I hope you don't!), you might need some help.

Bring him to your next OB appt and bring this up with your doctor - maybe he/she can be the voice of reason!

p.s. Nearing 40 isn't *that* old!

Mama_v2.0 · June 2011

If my mom could stay with me the whole time I would be okay with that....but otherwise....hell no. Life and priorities change, you can't just pick up and run to Mexico for a long weekend leaving your wife at home PG & taking care of the kids.

Mrs.Kiltlifter · June 2011

As someone who has been through the twin pregnancy, his attendance would not even be a consideration. When I hit 28 weeks, DH told his work that he would not be leaving the Seattle Area until he returned from his paternity leave. No way in hell would I feel comfortable having DH out of the country at 31 weeks. No effing way. And if K needs to be slapped just let me know.

I agree with Jill that there is a 50/50 if not more chance that you will be on bed rest by then. And even if you are not on medical bed rest you are going to put yourself on bed rest because you cannot freaking move without pain and utter exhaustion.

Zista · June 2011

Just commiserating. That sucks, I'm sorry.

TwinMommy09 · June 2011

Yikes - I would be upset too! When I was pg with the twins I was on bedrest at that point, actually for about 2 weeks at that point, and I had the boys at 33 weeks. you will definately need help, maybe a family member can be there for you. I'm sorry - I hope they change their minds you don't need that added stress! My OB told me not to plan on going anywhere after I hit 29 weeks because "you never know" our goal was 34 weeks and I didn't make it that far...

Ciaram22 · June 2011

I would be pissed an letting him know that. If H tried to do that I would be putting my foot down and not allowing it at all.

MOHjen · June 2011

You should definitely have him come to your next appt. Maybe give the OB a hint ahead of time to bring it up. Then it can be doctor's orders for him to stay local starting at 28 weeks and not you telling him.

kristalovesjared · June 2011

I'd feel the same way! Quite honestly if it is his second wedding and they aren't that close he shouldn't go!!! I hate when people make their wedding party pay for things that they don't know if their wedding party can even afford! I'd also have dh come to your next appt and ask the doctor how likely you'll be on bed rest or about the possibility of having the babies that early so he can hear from the dr. Ugggg... I hope they change plans again, and maybe call off the wedding???

angieez · June 2011

Yeah, there is no way I would have let my DH leave town when I was that far along with the twins. Like everyone mentioned, There are just too many things that could happen. I would have been really worried about him potentially missing the birth, you just never know with twins. If your DH does go I would make sure you have someone as backup to help you, just in case.....at that point I was so uncomfortable and caring for a toddler 24/7 alone would have really been difficult. Hopefully they will change their plans again!

JRS72206 · June 2011

Wow - I would be totally pissed! You got some great advice and I hope it works out in your favor.

newmommy74 · June 2011

Oh J I would be peeved too! I would definitely be telling him that he can't go.

When I was living in Seattle and pg with Coop my DH was meant to be his bf's best man for his wedding back in Australia but we decided it was not going to happen as there was no way I was going to deliver a baby in a country without my husband there! I can't imagine what it would be like with 2 on the way - you definitely have a right to be annoyed, especially as you said it's a huge added cost for you guys when you have 2 babies on the way and I am sure you have more things you want for the babies than a trip to Mexico for your DH on his own!

Good luck with it all!

Jas*sGirl · June 2011

I dont have any advice just sending you hugs! I can not imagine DH gone while I was that far along with twinks!

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