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February 2011 Moms
monkey_pants
member
need some advice (long)
monkey_pants
member
This is my fourth week back at work and while the first day was super hard and each Thursday I've been back has been bad (maybe just a coincidence?), today I feel like things have taken a turn for the worse. I thought it was supposed to get easier...
A little background: I chose to go back to work rather than stay home with DD as I really love my job and am hoping to get promoted in the next year or two. My job is super hectic and stressful but it's the first job I've had where I've wanted to progress to the next level.
Last night we came home from a long weekend away and I wasn't really thinking about work but about 10 mins after I fell asleep, I woke up with a start and ended up being up. all. night. Like I slept from 5:30-7am and that was it. My mind was racing. I emailed my boss at 4am to tell her I'd come in for a meeting but wouldn't be able to stay the whole day because of insomnia. I did end up coming home around 3 but I couldn't even take a nap because I'm still so worked up. I think maybe this is a panic attack? I need it to stop but I don't know how.
When I was up all night I was just lying there thinking about how much better our household could run if I stayed home. DH works A LOT. A huge shoutout to all the military wives as I don't know how you manage. My DH leaves btwn 7 and 7:30 in the morning and comes home around 9 at night. That leaves me with DD alone while I'm trying to get ready for work and leave by 8:30 when the nanny arrives, and then when I get off the subway at night I get home around 6:30, play with her for 45 mins or so, feed her, bathe her, feed her again, and put her to sleep, usually at 8:30. So between the baby and a super stressful day at work, I'm on for 13-14 hours straight and it's making me nutso.
I *could* choose to stay home instead and we are fortunate enough that if I did I could even have someone in to help a few afternoons a week. Because DH works so much and is about to start traveling again for work (will be away next week and then again 2 wks later for another wk), I feel like he's so stressed about all the things he has to take care of around the house and running errands. If I stayed home I could hopefully take a lot of that off his hands and it would probably be good for our relationship because we wouldn't be so stressed on the weekends.
I really do like my job but I'm feeling so stressed about how to get it all done in less time than I used to have. Prior to the baby, I worked about 9-6:30 or 7 and it was pretty much insane all day long. Now I'm working 9:30-5:30, plus pumping 3x/day. I don't want to just to an ok job at my job. I want to be great at it but I feel like things are slipping through the cracks and I'm losing control. I try to hold it together but I feel like I'm faking it. I feel like I'm constantly rushing and it's so stressful -- rushing to get to work, rushing to meetings, rushing to pump, rushing home from work, etc.
I'm just so scared that if I quit my job that I won't ever be able to go back to work if I wanted to, or that I won't find a job I love as much. This is the first job I ever really liked so I feel like I'd be a fool to give it up, however if it's keeping me up all night then I can't stay. I really wish I could do something with a flexible schedule or work from home or something so I wouldn't get so stressed. I like being around adults -- I worry about being home all day
with DD, although there are tons of other moms in my bldg. Never in a million years did I think I'd want to be a SAHM but it's sounding like it could help me relax a bit. I know it's hard in other ways but the grass does seem greener from here.
Anyway, I could go on and on, but this is already super long. Does anyone out there have any advice for me? I'm totally exhausted at the moment so I'm probably not thinking straight. TIA (and thanks to anyone who actually read this whole thing!)...
This discussion has been closed.
Re: need some advice (long)
Well I am kind of in the same boat as you right now. I just went back to work 2 weeks ago and I am into week 3 back and I am really hating it. I am attempting to just work part time but it isn't really working out. I have a pretty demanding job and the summers are the busiest for us so this is really me working almost as much as before--I;m just home some of the days working here AND taking care of LO. I am good at what I do and people really like me! But at the same time I wonder if it's worth me having heart palpitations and anxiety pretty much all the time..... I actually emailed my boss today to let her know the PT arrangement isn't working out for me and offering to helop out in another area--we shall see what she says.
I feel you b/c working is important, especially if you like it and you want to advance. I also worry about quitting and being out of work for an extended period of time and trying to explain that to a new employer down the road. DH says employers understand but IDK. I wonder if they really do. Plus I do not have a college degree so that is another thing that worries me about trying to find another job if I quit this one when I am ready to return to work.
I can tell you that I am just trying to think about this a week at a time. I am really trying not to get too much ahead of myself in the way if wondering what will happen when I quit. I do have pretty decent child care lined up for LO and leaving her isn't an issue for me. But going to work is the issue!!
Sorry I don't really have any advice. My mom told me today that I sounded WAY too stressed out for a "PT" job and that LO comes before work and I have to do what I have to do--so I am just trying to remember that. It's still a HUGE decision!! So good luck! Just know you aren't the only one going through it!!!!
A Frog, A Monkey and a Ladybug
Thanks, glad to hear I'm not alone. Similar to your concern about the college degree, I found my way into my job a little circuitously so I'm in a more advanced position at my current company than my resume really warrants. So it might be hard to find another job at the same level in the future.
Also, I'm the same way -- not worried about leaving DD, just overwhelmed at work. And lately when I'm tired, I get super hormonal and weepy. That didn't happen to me before so I'm sure it's post-partum hormones. So like today I was exhausted and it made me miss DD way more than I usually do. She's totally fine and happy and I love our nanny, which is yet another issue for me, because if I quit my job I don't think she'd stay if it's only part-time.Is there any way that you could ask for less hours or for you to work a little bit more at home? That could give you the time and space that you could need to help H as much as you can and be closer to your LO. Might even help you feel less stressed.
I wish I could SAH, but we'd never be able to pay rent if I did lol That and I love going to work (part time) because I can get away from my household responsibilities and be into slightly more adult social interaction at work. Helps me to clear my mind.
I have to say...depending on the type of work you do (and if its anything like mine) working PT or from home isn't really that great!! I am constantly unorganized when I work from home since my job does rely on lots of physical paperwork and files. And I never know what the heck is going on! I am attempting to WAH and work PT and I find that I am really working FT and going into the office way more than I had planned. If you DO have the option to WAH then I'd suggest a mother's helper or a nanny b/c if baby is fussy--FORGET IT.
What does your DH say? Is there any way he can maybe work less one day a week or more to help out? It does seem like you are taking on A LOT alone! And maybe you need some alone time or some time out with your girlfriends to regroup. Is that a possibility?
As a working mom as well I totally understand how you feel. Although it would take a bit of sacrifice for me to be a SAHM, I don't think I would want to since I love my job and worked very hard to get where I am in my career.
It's so hard working all day and then trying to to spend valuable time with your LO at the same time as doing all the chores and things to get ready for the next day. It is very overwhelming.
I don't want to speak out of line, but have you considered going to your doctor. I know sometimes the pregnancy hormones can cause anxiety and insomnia. Maybe there is something they could do to help. I would suggest that you not make the decision until you have had more sleep and some time to reflect.
A few thoughts...
I'm a firm believer in doing what your gut is telling you to do. From reading your post, it seems like your gut is telling you to stay at home.
If you choose to stay at home, that does NOT mean that you will never work again, or that you won't be able to get to that level of career again. Let's say you stay at home raising children for 10 years, and you're 30 now (just for argument's sake). That means you have from age 40 to retirement at 65ish to re-establish your career. 25 years! And as for your resume not warranting your current position, I'm going to call BS. You wouldn't have gotten the job and kept the job if you weren't qualified. And now, your resume includes your current job, so there's no reason why you shouldn't expect to re-start your career in a similar position.
Give it some deep thought, talk it over with DH, and don't make this a quick decision. I'm sure you will make the right choice.