little rant
ne14pez
member
I always find it difficult to get into conversations with my in-laws who are all super fertile myrtles and brag about how fast they get pregnant and they can't understand why I can't. I'd like to say, "good for you" then proceed to get up from the table, get my keys and purse, and walk out the door...but I smile and nod because I know they don't know the actual pain it causes when those things are said. I feel like an outcast, like I'm a spectacle to be seen. Who is this girl who can't have kids? Where did she come from and how do we avoid her so as to not have to deal with this difficult coversation while I continue to dote on my children and brag about them...lovely feelings.
But on the flip side, these women have given you nieces and nephews and cousins and how can you not love them for that? How can you not love them for creating miracles in front of you? So when they say those comments, I can sit back and smile and nod because I know they hurt for me in the only way they know how, and because I am having difficulty, maybe they can be a little bit more thankful and compassionate to their own children.
DX PCOS in 2000 TTC since April 2010 DX Hypothyroidism 6/2010 Referred to RE 9/2010.
BFP in June 2011, DD born in 2012
Joined the baby train again 8/2013. First month, out due to re-diganosis of Hashimotos.
Sept 2013, 2.5 letrozole and trigger, low progestrone and using supplements = BFN.
Oct 2013 2.5 Letrozole, trigger, and IUI = low progestrone (8.9, using supplements) and BFP 11/6 Beta 26.9, Beta 2 @ 30, Beta 3 @ 25.3, Beta 4 @ 25.2 CP 5w1d
Nov 2013: ? waiting on AF
Re: little rant
I couldn't agree more. I am convinced that most people just don't get it and are not trying to be hurtful at all. I look back on some of the things I said to people before IF that probably could have stung like, "when are you going to give DS a brother or sister?" Now, I'm like, "what if they have IF, you moron." It really is impossible to understand until you've been there, but we all understand and are here for you, so vent away.
Two C/P and Lots of Tests
Me = LPD + cancer survivor, DH = low count and morphology
IUIs #1-5, January 2011 - June 2011 = BFN
IVF #1 in July/August 2011 = BFP!!!!!
"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear."
Well said!
There are so many things we want to say to people, but we just have to bite our tounges and be nice. Which is so not fair! IF sucks on so many levels.
Have you thought of saying something to them (or having DH say something to them)? Not like, oh don't talk about your children . . . but maybe please don't talk about how easy it was to get pregnant or to be considerate about what questions they ask, etc. I know, easier said than done!
My Journey to Motherhood
Me 36, DH 42
7.5 years of TTC ... It never gets any easier.
Baby Girl # 1
TTC Since January 2009
Reproductive Endocrinologist diagnosed us "Unexplained Infertility".
After 3 years . . . 3 IUIs . . . and 3 IVFs . . . our miracle GIRL arrived on August 6, 2012.
Baby Girl # 2
TTC Since June 2013
Got pregnant on our own without Fertility Treatments - January 2016! Thank you snow storm Jonas!
EDD 10/15/16
At 20-week anatomy scan found IUGR (Intrauterine Growth Restriction), and very low Amniotic Fluid. Now, I'm High Risk and have weekly ultrasounds to monitor fluid and growth. If baby runs out of room or is too growth restricted, they will deliver ASAP. My current goal is to make it to 28 weeks!
I would have to say something to them. Honestly, they sound very insensitive. I understand that you love the nieces and nephews and cousins that they gave you - and while you don't have your baby yet but still love the kids - they should be able to better understand your struggles. My reaction would be to compose a letter to each and every one of them explaining what you are feeling. A letter has always worked for me because it gives me time to be calm and erase the words I really don't want coming out and also can give them time to read and re-read what you are saying (maybe allowing it to sink in).
I am sorry you have to deal with that. I hope it gets better for you.
Hugs
Hysteroscopy 3/2011 2 Polyps removed 4/2011
DH on Clomid / Arimidex to address hormonal issues - Sperm found July 2011!
IVF #1 September 2011 - ER 9/8/2011- 8R, 5M - icsi - 1 made it to transfer - BFFN :-(
IVF #2 Lucky November 2011 - ER 11/25/2011 - 15 eggs!, 13 mature, 10 fertilized with isci - 7 made it to transfer! Transferred 1 - 8 cell and 2 - 7 cell. BFP!!!!
1st U/S - Twins! 2nd U/S - 3 heartbeats!!! - HOLY COW!!!
Prayers for our take home babies!
2 babies born on 3/27/12 and lost. Last baby born on 3/29/12 and lost at 20 weeks.
My angels grew wings shortly after birth.
Ahava Raisel, Matisyahu Nissim & Zev Chaim - Mommy and Daddy will always love you.
IVF #3 July 2012 - ER 7/17/2012 - 10 R. 5 F. 4 made it to ET
Transferred 2 on 7/20/2012 no snow babies :-(
Beta on 7/31/2012 = BFMFN
A miracle gift expected to come to us through adoption around 9/2012
Baby girl adopted - Birth Mother changed her mind and took the baby back
IVF #4 October 2012 - New RE. Doing PGD Testing. 8 R, 7F, 2 made it to 5 day blast for PDG testing. Both Normal (Thank you G-d!!!) 1 boy and 1 girl
transferred one beautiful 5day blast (girl)
Please G-d the almighty one - let this be our take home baby!
Beta #1 158, Beta #2 318, 1 Absolutely magnificent HB at 175! Thank you G-d!!!
Baby Girl born August 5th. Thank you G-d for our precious miracle.
AMA. PAIF & SAIF always welcome - I need all the prayers I can get!