To Doula or Not to Doula?

sdolce · June 2011

(Also posted this on the 3rd Trimester board)

Hi ladies! I?m a FTM and I?ve been planning a natural birth since day one. I have a midwife and I?ll be delivering in a hospital. I?m also planning to use a birth tub to labor in and or birth in. My hospital offers free doula?s to anyone who would like one. I haven?t considered using one until recently when I learned their services are offered at no cost. DH has been very supportive and comforting throughout my entire pregnancy and has a paramedic background. In my heart I know he will be an excellent birth coach and I?m looking forward to us sharing the labor/birth together. Yet I?m starting to panic a little because I didn?t take any birthing classes. I did read a few books such as Ina May?s Guide to Child Birth and HypnoBirthing. I?m beginning to wonder if using a doula will help me have a better natural birth experience. The only reason I?m hesitant is because I don?t want DH to get lost in the shadow of the doula, I?d really like DH to be my main supporter and the doula to help as needed. Is this possible? Has anyone been in the same boat? Also I?m pretty sure its not possible to meet with the specific doula prior to the birth, so I wouldn?t be able to discuss my concerns with the doula. I think the hospital uses a doula service and I would get whichever doula is on call. I plan on confirming this with my MW during my next appointment. TIA!

bluerevolution9 · June 2011

Can I just say, that as a Doula myself, I know its never my position to over-shadow anyone. Your husband is probably the most important person in that room for you. Your doula knows and respects that. She is there to support you both. Your midwife will mostly be focused on the more clinic aspects of the birth, check heart heart rate, catching the baby, ect. Your doula is there just for you and that can be a great help to DH too. It takes the pressure off of him, and he doesn't have to worry about being a great birth coach, just a great source of love and support for you. Also, if at any time you feel like the doula is crowding your intimate space you can always ask her for some time alone. Thats always your right!

Happy birthing!

Temp76535187505890 · June 2011

You say that you have prepared by reading but has your husband? If not, then I'd recommend getting the doula just as a resource to guide your husband in helping you. They should be there to assist, not take over. Its always better to have one there and not need then than need one and not have one there.

MawrtyrB · June 2011

Doula! Definately doula. I had a midwife for my twin birth and she was amazing. Spent alot of the last 2 hours with me, even accompanying me to the bathroom which just blew me away. However I don't regret having my doula there. We had her at both births. It was nice having someone on call to talk to when I needed support before hand and before my induced labor kicked into gear she was fun to hang with at the hospital. gives DH a break to step out and eat or go to the bathroom when he needs to. She's there just for me, no matter what.

My other consideration was especially considering the C-section risk wtih the twins, that if it became necessary, I would have someone who could stay with me while DH stayed with the babies. I was fanatical that one of us be with our babies at all times. I'm a nut like that.

And the best part of havng my doula was sending her out for a hoagie sandwich, tea, and milkshake at midnight after I delivered. I'm always starving after I deliver.

pinksweetpea2 · June 2011

I would get the doula. She can help your husband to support you. When we were planning a hospital birth, DH wanted a doula to help direct him to the best method of helping me.

sdolce · June 2011

Thank you! Based off all your replies I'm going to talk to DH about using a doula.

novlove11 · June 2011

I am not using a doula, but that is because I am not fond of having an extra person in the room & get shy when I have to deal with strangers. I find I will be more comfortable with my husband as my coach.

flyer23 · June 2011

novlove11:

I am not using a doula, but that is because I am not fond of having an extra person in the room & get shy when I have to deal with strangers. I find I will be more comfortable with my husband as my coach.

No offense, but I've never understood this line of reasoning. During my labor with DD, I had 5 different nurses and 2 different OBs -- and I had only met one of the OBs ahead of time. (Part of a practice with 7 OBs, and I only saw two of them for prenatal visits.) The rest of them were complete strangers.

My doula, on the other hand... I had met with her prior to the birth and talked to her over the phone/in email a ton as well. She was less of a stranger to me than anyone else in the room! (Besides DH, of course.)

I actually think a doula is more important for people who don't like dealing with strangers, because you can discuss your birth preferences ahead of time, in a relaxed, non-confrontational manner. And then, if something comes up during labor, your doula can advocate for you -- saving you from having to deal with the "real" strangers (OBs, nurses) when you're already dealing with labor!

To the OP, I would request a doula in a heartbeat. Worst that happens, she's awful, and then you can choose to kick her out of the room. Best that happens, she helps you a TON. She will not replace your husband; my husband is an even bigger fan of doulas than I am, because he understands that he's at his best supporting me when he has someone supporting him. He's absolutely my main supporter -- a doula helps that, rather than hindering it.

star173 · June 2011

I think having a midwife, a supportive dh, and a natural birth friendly hospital will be enough, however, I don't think it can hurt in any way to have a doula. My doula (and her student) were great...they helped when needed and knew when to sit back and observe. My dh was definitely my main support person, but my doula would remind me to relax my shoulders, which was SO helpful. She also had peppermint and other EO's on hand that helped when I felt a bit nauseous. I said all that to say, if it's free, I'd get one!

tokenhoser · June 2011

I loved having a doula, and so did DH. She helped him know what to do and just generally kept the stress level down through the whole process. She was never in the way or more important than DH - she was just helpful in giving him ideas of what to do to help me, and in physically taking turns on things like hip squeezes. Knowing how to deliver a baby isn't really the same as knowing how to make you more comfortable. I'd take the doula for free, no question about it.

haleymay18 · June 2011

Doulas DO NOT replace your dh or SO during labor. But they do take a lot of pressure away from them. My dh was my sole source of support but I couldn't have done it without a doula!

skyejo · June 2011

I delivered naturally in a hospital without a doula. I did it, but I had a very hard time. My Hypnobirthing flew out the window and while DH was doing a great job, it was the first time for both of us so we didn't know what to expect. For baby number two I'll definitely be getting a doula. Not to replace DH, but to assist both him and I.

greenmtbride · June 2011

I loved having a doula and think it is the single most important decision that I made during my pregnancy. And we decided on a doula late (30 weeks). A doula is there to support you AND your husband. My husband is an amazing partner but he had no idea what to expect of labor and what was normal. He was worried about me and it's a lot to ask your husband to provide all the support you need. Labors can be long and a doula can be great to give your husband a break to grab food or go to the bathroom. Doula's are trained to not overshadow your partner and you and your husband will be involved in discussions with the doula prior to labor on how involved you want each to be. Our doula was invaluable for helping me labor at home as long as possible which is a really important part of a successful natural birth in the hospital. Given that my husband had never witnessed a birth he really welcomed the extra support and instruction. You will not be able to (or interested in) giving instructions to your husband when you're laboring.

At the very least you should interview a couple of the doulas...you will want to find one that you and your husband click with! Good luck!

Texas77again · June 2011

YES to the doula!! if it's not working out, you can just ask her to leave.

where do you live? i'm interested in hearing more about a hosp that provides doulas for free to those who want one.

thepeach80 · June 2011

You can often find student doulas as well that charge less fees for those who are interested but have a budget. I'm biased since I'm a doula, but I think it's just great to have 2 sets of hands. Mom can hang on and lean on dad while I'm doing counterpressure on her back and squeezing her hips. I'm there if dad needs a break and vice versa. I'm there so dad can be w/ baby if baby has to leave mom for some reason. I'm there to remind them they have a voice. I can't be that voice, but I can remind them. Doulas are generally not strangers that just show up. I generally do 2-3 prenatals w/ the couple, I'm available via e-mail and text. I went to a Dr's appt w/ my last couple to meet their OB before the birth etc.

sdolce · June 2011

Texas77again:

YES to the doula!! if it's not working out, you can just ask her to leave.

where do you live? i'm interested in hearing more about a hosp that provides doulas for free to those who want one.

I reside in N. California and will be giving birth at Sutter Davis.

smw123 · June 2011

thepeach80:
You can often find student doulas as well that charge less fees for those who are interested but have a budget. I'm biased since I'm a doula, but I think it's just great to have 2 sets of hands. Mom can hang on and lean on dad while I'm doing counterpressure on her back and squeezing her hips. I'm there if dad needs a break and vice versa. I'm there so dad can be w/ baby if baby has to leave mom for some reason. I'm there to remind them they have a voice. I can't be that voice, but I can remind them. Doulas are generally not strangers that just show up. I generally do 2-3 prenatals w/ the couple, I'm available via e-mail and text. I went to a Dr's appt w/ my last couple to meet their OB before the birth etc.

If you don't mind me asking.....do you have a rough estimate on what a doula costs? I live in an area that only uses hospitals to deliever and we only have 1 doula in the entire area and she is new. I am thinking of getting one but since it's something new to our area I'm going to have to convince my DH.

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