Toddlers: 24 Months+
Long post, really need advice. Please help!
Hi everyone,I am new to this group, but I could really use some advice on what's been happening lately. I have a (almost) 3 year old and a 7 month old. I also work full-time as an Executive Chef and am currently in the middle of an EEOC investigation that I filed against my company (where I still work) for retaliation due to pregnancy related issues and FMLA discrimination. This all started back in March and since then my life has been non-stop stress, pain and embarrasment. I am not the type of person to ever stick up for myself, so filing this charge was an extremely difficult decision for me. However, I was in serious fear of losing my job, and my husband also works at the company so all of our eggs are in the same basket. We also live on property (required) so if I, or we, lost our jobs we would be without jobs, a home, insurance, etc.. with two small children.This is where the advice begins, I am usually a pretty happy person. All of the circumstances that are occuring have turned me into a monster. I have taken my frustrations with my husband, and also on my children. Mainly my 3 year old, who is the sweetest little girl in the world. I grew up in a household where my mother was verbally abusive to my sisters, myself and my father and I decided not to have children in fear of repeating the cycle. Well, at 34 years old I got pregnant with my first, and it was (and is) the greatest gift that God has given me, then at 36 got pregnant with my seconf greatest gift. When I just had Maggie (my first) we had an amazing and special relationship. Truth be told, she is my heart and I haven't bonded with Lola (yet) the way that I have with Maggie. I have done everything in my power to reverse the abusive actions that my mother bestowed on us, and vowed to never act like her. But lately, I am feeling like I am slipping into that role. I am losing my cool and yelling at my baby for things that normally I feel as if I would overlook.Today was the final straw, though. She hasn't been feeling well since Saturday and has been crying, screaming, not sleeping (me, either) and just doing all of the normal things that children do when they are sick. She has a terrible case of thrush that has caused her terrible pain and because of the holiday weekend we weren't able to get her into a doctor today. Well, due to the pain, she hasn't eaten, barely has had anything to drink, and hasn't spoken for 2 days. She's usually such lively, talkative and sweet little girl, and I was trying to get her and her sister packed to go to her Mimi's house for the week and I was trying to get her to talk to me and of course she didn't (because it hurt her to talk) and I completely lost it. I yelled at her that is she couldn't talk to me then she wasn't going to her Mimi & Pawpaws, to which she crumpled and started crying. Which made me even more angry and I went and put her in her room and shut the door to her crying.. Shortly after, I realized how much I had hurt her feelings and was crushed at my behavior to her. I love her so much it hurts my heart, and I now she is at her grandparent's house and I can't tell her how sorry I am and kiss and hug her. Am I going through PPD? Is is stress overload? How can I change? Is this normal? Please give me any advice that you can, try not to judge me. I am not a mean person, and I don't understand why this is happening. I am literally never mean to ANYONE, I can't understand why I am taking it out on Maggie, who is the love of my life. Thanks so much, sorry for the long post
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Re: Long post, really need advice. Please help!
This could totally be PPD, and the difference between you and your mom is that you're going to change what's happening, and not let it continue...right? Call your doctor and make an appointment tomorrow, and taking that first step will be one in the right direction.
If your daughter isn't eating or drinking, that's scary. Kids can dehydrate FAST and really, really bad things happen when they do--one of the fastest ways to get a kid admitted to the hospital is to let them get dehydrated. Please, please get her to consume any liquid you can: nonstop Popsicles, 7Up, crushed ice, whatever, and get her to a doctor ASAP.
Taking stress out on your family can be normal, but obviously isn't good. Try to think about how you want your kids to remember you and their childhood, and do what you need to do in order to make those happy memories. They'll thank you for it someday!
Kiwi Fruit, 10.2.06 & Ellie Bug, 4.5.09
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Ideas on Teaching Your Toddler/Preschooler at Home
Since your daughter is 7mo, it could be PPD. IMHO it sounds like your under a great deal of stress too.
You need to manage your stress better. However i could tell you its easier said than done. I have a journal where i just write thoughts...scribble...just write it all down. Its not organized. However when I write, its almost cathartic, and I feel better afterwards. Do I do this all the time? No. When I don't you could tell in my attitude...also when I'm exhausted, I get ubber grumpy. I could take on 1-2 small stressful things, or one major one.
I am not justifying my issues at all, I am trying to say, I know where your coming from. I also grew up where verbal outbursts where a part of family life as a child. I don't want DS to do the same, and thats why we have to find ways to handle it better...manage it.
Definitely, at the least, stress overload. That is a lot to have on your plate right now. And sometimes, we just can't take it anymore and take it out on the ones we love, because they are there. Call her and tell her you're sorry. If not, when you see her tell her. tell her that you just went "crazy" and do a little crazy dance.
And you are not your mother. You realize that you messed up and are sorry for that. That shows you care. As long as you don't give up, everything will get better. it may take forever but just never lose sight of what your goal is.
Also, i think if this job is causing you that much stress, look elsewhere, Its going to be a pain in the butt to find somewhere else to live and another source of income but you cannot stay this unhappy forever. You owe it to yourself and your family to get out of that situation~ to make you all happier in the long run.
Hope this helps. And keep your head up. You're obviously a GREAT MOM if you're asking for advice. Good Luck momma!
You are under so much stress right now, I can't even imagine having to parent while dealing with so much outside stress. I would suggest calling your doctor and be open to the idea of medication. I had to go on zoloft toward the end of my pregnancy due to some anxiety issues and have remained on it. What a difference it has made and honestly I know I am a better mom to my daughter because my anxiety and stress are managed with the help of the zoloft. For me when I am anxious I really tend to snap at people and now it hardly happens.
Hang in there!!!!
"Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..."
Also - especially considering your concern that you are following in the abusive patterns of your mother - I would consider seeing a counselor as well. In fact, your Ob may be able to recommend someone if you don't already know of one.
GL! and good for you for seeing that there is a problem here, and reaching out. Best wishes!
All of this. And I would also start looking for another job/place to live...it sounds like a stressful situation that isn't going to change much soon unless you take action...you are a great mother who just needs a little help right now...with all you are dealing with I am sure I would too. GL!
You are under an incredible amount of stress right now. Your whole life could potentially change dramatically if things with the lawsuit don't go your way. If its at all possible, I'd say find a new job. Both you and your hubby. To start, most employers don't take too kindly to lawsuits filed against them, even if there is a valid reason. Since your husband and you both work there, the retaliation post-lawsuit may be worse than it is now and probably will have an affect on your whole family. That type of worry can bring out the worst in even the most even tempered person.
My mother was verbally abusive as well and it is so hard to break the cycle of abuse, let alone when you're so stressed out like this. Kudos to you for keeping it under control up to this point. You can't do this alone right now because you are overwhelmed and you should definitely seek some form of counselling for the time being. A lot of insurance companies cover some form of therapy and this will help you to cope with the stress of what you're going through. It will also give you a better understanding of whether or not its stress or PPD.
I truly hope that things turn around for you. Try to keep a positive state of mind and tell yourself that this is temporary and that you will get through this. There may be some more obstacles in your path, but you will get through it regardless.