Losing friends and sense of self....

jmartin882008 · May 2011

Hey ladies. I haven't posted in a while but things have not been that good lately and I thought that this was the only place where I could talk and people would really understand. Last month I really thought I was pregnant because I had made it 16 dpiui and had not started. I went in for my beta and it came back negative. I still didn't start my period for another week!!! DH and I started going to a marriage counselor because he just doesn't understand my sadness. In the past few weeks I have had people whom I thought were close friends tell me that they need space from me because I am too emotional. I feel so alone. I am on CD 6 of my 6 IUI and we are doing the SAME exact thing (femara and ovidrel). I feel like it is time to switch things up. I told my husband we are doing this IUI and one more then we are moving on to IVF. I feel like I am hitting my head against a brick wall. I feel so sad. I feel like I am never going to get pregnant. Have any of you been this depressed? What have you done? I need some advice please and thank you in advance.

BeeBee08 · May 2011

Big ((Hugs)). I'm really sorry you are going through this and that IF causes so much heart ache. I completely understand your sadness and it's a battle a lot of us face every day. Even though we all show our emotions in a different way, they are bound to surface and be shown to the world at some point.

I think it's great that you and DH are going to counselling together to work through this. YH probably will never truly understand the sadness you are experiencing, so having a third party involved will be a help to both of you. I have done the same. It will really help him help you (not to be a cliche).

Your friends that need space? Are not really friends. That's really lame of them. You might want to consider counselling on your own as well to help with dealing with some of this. That way you can be more yourself around your friends and let the experts help you deal with your feelings. I'm really sorry that you don't have the support from them that you need so badly right now. Again, counselling is a very good idea to help with this.

Finally, I completely understand about banging your head against the wall with IUI after IUI. You will know when you have reached your limit and it sounds like you're almost there. I hope that DH will support that decision when the time comes. He may not be ready to move on right away, and you will have to understand that as well, but eventually the two of you will make a plan that works for both of you.

Huge punch in the face to IF and a huge Hug for you. You're not alone.

Temp590840000005378 · May 2011

Oh hun, I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. Broken Heart

I can imagine how upset you were to think you were pregnant last month when you really weren't. Dealing with IF is so painful and a lot of people, including best friends, just don't get it. I think that is really hurtful that your friends are distancing themselves from you because you are too emotional, sounds like they might not be good friends. With me it's the other way around, I am distancing my own self from people as I feel like I'm such a debbie downer and don't want to expose people to my negativity. Regardless, it sucks and dealign with IF is just a hard road to be on. I'm like you and told my DH last month after my 4th IUI that I am done with IUI's and now I'm hoping to save up for an IVF shared risk cycle. I hate waiting, but don't have much of choice. IF sucks!! ((BIG HUGS)) I hope you get a BFP this cycle!!!

jmartin882008 · May 2011

Thank you so much ladies. Your kind words are so refreshing.

tootlebug · May 2011

im so sorry you are feeling so sad. you are not alone. it's just unfortunate that women with IF seem to be pretty spaced out...no one in my circle of friends is dealing with IF either. BUT they are very supportive and they certainly dont need space from me. i cant speak for othe posters...but it's very normal to feel depressed over IF. and there are different levels of it. sometimes it can get to a point where it seems like it is not normal, and others will tell you that 'you shouldnt be this depressed". i dont believe this, not when it comes to IF. IF is evil, in the truest sense. im so sorry you are feeling sad.

gervaisj6 · May 2011

Yes, yes and yes. I have really separated myself away from our friends, found out who true friends were, and who wasn't... People don't understand. I can't be around certain situations- like bbq's where everyone has kids there, and I just can't handle it.

There is a really good book-what HE can expect when SHE isn't expecting...

REALLY good...

Guys just don't get it... It has taken my DH a while, sometimes (even when we got our dx- and it was 100% MFI) I don't think he gets it still sometimes, but when took him in there for an iui, I think he started to get it more... I made him watch me inject myself, do my trigger, and get the IUI done. so he can see what I am going through.

Just know we are here for you- and WE get it. : ) Big Hugs, Girl

pennylanehd · May 2011

I couldn't agree more with PPs. IF is an isolating experience when everyone around you is being their best selves. It is a lonely, exhausing journey when you have to make it alone. Please know that we are here for you and completely understand how awful IF is. I hope you and DH reach a resolution on what to do next that makes both of you happy and agree that counseling is a great step toward geting there. Big (((hugs)))...

Toni79 · June 2011

I agree with all the PP.

Depression with IF is normal, but sometimes I feel like I am "over reacting". Like, ok I understand I'm upset about x,y,z, but why am I crying hysterically?!?! And I'm sure all the hormones we're on don't help the situation.

Does your RE office offer group IF conseling? Ours offers it once a month. We've never gone, but I've considered going.

Also, does your marrige counslor specialise in IF conseling? If not, find one who does, as I think this will help put things in the right perspective. A non-IF conselor might try to "blame" things on other parts of the relationship (like someting silly like he doesn't put his clean laundry away - lol).

Also, guys deal with emotions differantly than women do. Men generally try to hide thier emotions where us women wear them on our sleves. Maybe counseling will be good and will help him open up.

I do think it is very important for DHs to be involved and. I understand that they might not be able to make it to every appt, but I think it helps them understand everything that is involved. If they come to the meetings with the drs to discuss your protocol, they see how much is involved. They see that you just don't go to the drs once and your done! They get to listen to the dr and get just as overwhlemed as you. They get to see your medication schedule, etc. I keep mine posted on the fridge, and check it off when I've taken my shots, etc.

When you are married, it takes two people to make a baby. Obviously us women have more things done to us then our DHs, but if they see how much we are being poked and prodded (with internal u/s, catheders, giving ourselves needles, etc), I think they feel bad (like they wish they could take some of that burden from us). Although I can give myself my shots, I do find shanking myself very stressful, so sometimes I just ask DH to give them to me. It just takes a little tiny bit of the stress away for those few minutes, but its better than nothing.

Lots of <<HUGS>>!

Losing friends and sense of self....

Re: Losing friends and sense of self....

Choose Another Board

Search Boards