what are your families travel/visiting plans?
JSanFran
member
I have a sticky senario that I am freaked out about and can't decide if I'm just over-reacting and trying to over plan (like DH thinks) or justified in how I predict I'm going to feel when I get home from hospital.
I will, as of June 15th, have my brother in law living with us and my mother coming down around that time before our due date trying to help clean house and last minute stuff. Then my inlaws trying to come down also to plan to be here for the birth also. All trying to stay in my house, cook/clean/and help out which I GREATLY appreciate, however I think it will be too much.
Luckily my sister lives down the street so I can ship people over there if it gets too nuts...I'm just nervous that I'm going to have a nervous breakdown at some point over how many people and how much "stuff" is going on in my house when all I think I'm going to want is sleep and to take care of Baby Frank.
What are you guys planning for family visiting and when after baby is born...do I sound like a neurotic crazy lady or like I could be justified in my fears? Dh thinks I'm nuts for trying to overplan and just wants to basically "just deal with it when it gets here"....ugh...
Here's to hoping i go into labor in the next few days so I don't have to think about what is to come at the end of June! lol sorry for the question turned vent!
36weeks in
36ish weeks out
Re: what are your families travel/visiting plans?
If your sister is willing to host people, I would make arrangements now for some people to stay at her place. I wish I had that option. I agree that many people will feel like too many.
When baby comes my parents and ILs will be coming to town for at least 3-4 days. My sister, BIL and niece will be visiting the first weekend after the baby is born- so we could have 7 houseguests at the same time with only 1 guest bedroom. My other BIL and his FI will also be visiting, but I don't think they are planning to stay since they only live 1 hr away. I am really hoping my friend who is adopting a baby due 1 week after DD will end up going out of state to pick up the baby at the same time our baby comes because if she is out of town she offered for us to send people over to her house.
My ILs live in the same town as us (well, about 20 minutes away but the same general area). My parents/family live about 2 hours away. My sister and BIL want to come down after LO is born but they will come down on the weekend after they're here so I'm not sure if they'll stay w/us or not. ILs will come and go, I assume. My parents likely won't come down at all (long story). I'm terrified for the opposite reason of you, OP - I'm worried about not having enough help!
I can understand why you're freaked out by so many people, though. I'd say that they will either need to stagger their visits, stay w/your sister and/or stay in a hotel. You can't entertain a ton of people.
My in laws are coming into town on Sunday and I think there is some overlap with when my Brother in law will be there too. We live in a small house with one bathroom so it should be interesting (also, we aren't even positive there will be a baby to see by Sunday).
Luckily I had a bit of a trial run with this when they all descended on our house for the wedding (including a bunch of groomsmen) and I learned during that time that you can't think of it as entertaining guests. They are family and they can fend for themselves. They aren't looking to be entertained or for your house to be spotless or for meals to be perfectly planned and cooked-- and they really are just hoping to help, so do your thing let them know what you need help with and then they'll leave. The best advice I can give is don't stress about it and don't try to plan things out. Seriously, they aren't expecting anything at all from you.
I would be stressing out too! Both our families live out of town, but thankfully they have agreed to 'take turns' visiting. My mom will come as soon as labor starts and will stay for a week or two. My ILs may come for the day or two we are in the hospital, but we've asked that if they want to come for an extended visit, that they wait until my mom goes home. Our house is just too small and I will be too stressed out for extra guests. My brother and sister are each visiting separately in the weeks that follow.
We posed it as me needing help for more than just the first few days, so everyone agreed to spread it out. Maybe try that approach??
Good luck!!!
My In laws live in the same city as us. I'm sure they will be over OFTEN. I don't have the closest relationship with DH's family, but we are working towards it. His mom called last night and basically said that we better call when labor begins becuase she wants to be there for it....
We're having our baby at home, and I DO NOT want her there. I just said that if everything was going smoothly we would give her a call when we had a chance.
My family all lives 13 hours away. My mom will be flying down as soon as I call her to let her know I'm in labor. My sisters will follow in the next few days. Luckily we have a large house and can easily house my relatives. I just don't know if it's going to be too much going on at once for me though.
My dad and his wife live about 30 minutes from us, so they can just pop over to the hospital or our house for visits. DH's parents and his grandmother are planning on coming for a weekend to visit toward the end of June and they told us they will be staying in a hotel and will just come over during the day to visit. DH's dad offered to do some cooking for us, too, while they are in town.
I'm actually glad to just be home alone with DH (he's taking 2 weeks off from work) because I think we'll be okay figuring things out on our own. I tend to get frustrated easily if I have someone trying to micromanage or direct me too closely and I feel better just quietly figuring it out on my own. I'm glad my parents and in-laws won't be trying to stay in our home with us because I would be afraid they might get on my nerves even though they were trying to help.
DH: 34/Me: 35
Married: Feb 2008
DD: June 2011
TTC# 2: April 2014
BFP!! 8/29/16 --> EDD: 5/11/17....it's a GIRL!!!
Just talked to both my MIL and my SIL and they were great...both understood my fears (though I didn't let on too much about how freaked out I am about having my BIL live with us...lol) and were completely like we'll be there for a few days right when baby arrives then leave and let my mom be there. Then they'll come back later when my mom leaves to have additional help.
I'm a freak and need to be talked down into real life sometimes! lol
Thanks for your help ladies! Good to know I'm not alone...I guess I should consider it a blessing to have so many people wanting to love this baby already!
I may be the weird one out here but I'm also in the just deal with it when it gets here category. Everyone keeps asking me when I want them to come or what I want them to do and I have no idea and honestly right now I really don't care.
We have a 2 bedroom 1 and 1/2 bath townhouse and will possibly have my parents, In laws, BIL his wife and 3 year old, and two of my grandparents coming at the same time. There are also going to be other people popping in on weekends only I have no idea which weekends as of now. My ILs live 12 hours away, BIL lives 6 hours away and all of my family lives 2 hours away so everyone will be needing places to stay. Luckily my little brother lives in the same town as me and his 3 bedroom apartment is empty this summer because his roomates already moved out so I will be shipping people over there or they can go to a hotel or they can sleep on the floor. lol Right now I'm not worried about it and will just be worrying about LO.
You're not crazy as all. My parents live in Georgia (we live in PA). My mom is up right now but staying at her friend's grandmother's empty house (grandmother is in a nursing home now) about 25 minutes away. I love my mom but I knew that having her in the house with a new baby and hormone surges and limited sleep would not be a good combination. When I get induced or go into labor (whichever happens first) my dad will come up and join her. My sister only lives about 10 minutes away so it's no problem for her.
My H's immediate side of the family is also pretty big (10 with just parents, siblings, and nieces) and they are all super excited for the baby, so I am a little bit nervous about having all of them over too. My H and I decided that we were going to limit the amount of visitors/times when they can be over just so neither of us feel overwhelmed. While I know they are just excited and eager to help, sometimes it can be too much. I think I'd rather have a messy house for a few days until we get into some sort of routine then have people asking me every 10 seconds what needs to be done, or can they do this, etc. But I have control issues, haha.
That sounds like a lot of people coming to stay. My folks are getting here about 5 days before the EDD, my dad is staying a 2 wks and my mom a month. My sister arrives a few days after my dad leaves (staying for about 4 days). For me it's not a big deal as they are MY family. I don't have a problem letting them know I'm not happy about something.
If it were the IL's however coming to stay after the baby's birth I would lose my mind. Thankfully my IL's live locally and won't be staying with us. My parents also came to stay for a while about 2 wks after DS arrived (he was early) and it was great having them. They really helped relieve some of the stress of dealing with a new baby by taking him or showing us how to do things. I'm so glad they'll be here to help distract/spoil DS while we transition to a 4 person family.
*photo removed*
I am more worried about this than I am about labor. My mom offered to come and stay with us for a week after the baby is born. My IL's are very tit for tat kind of people who over step their bounds all the time. I fear that when they find out my parents are coming then they will want to come and stay as well.
I am a very private person and I have very different views than my IL's. It takes a lot for me to deal with them just for a couple hour visit. I can barely think about our wedding because I have so many bad feelings over the things that they did and said. I do not want my baby's birth to be the same way. DH and I have talked all of this over and I've made it clear that they are welcome to visit, but not to stay. We'll see how this goes.
OP- as far as your situation, I think that you need to do what is best for you, your DH and your LO. GL!