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Stay at Home Moms
SAHM/ working husband guilt...
i'm a SAHM of a 5 month old and i love it. yea, it's hard to do all the cleaning and stuff i'd like to get done... but it's worth it to spend more time with her.
DH works and is currently going through hating his job and wanting another. and on top of that, our bills suddenly piled up (wonder why? lol) and im feeling like i wish i could contribute
neither DH or I want me to work, so im not going to (besides maybe some work projects for my dad here and there) but as the SAHM who listens to, loves and supports DH I cant stand his constant complaining about his job!!! I'd love to have all the answers for him or that I could get him a new job but i cant do that for him! and he says things like "i wish we had enough savings that i could take a month off and job hunt"... all i can say is "i wish that too, but we dont" sometimes i feel horribly guilty that he's unhappy at work but sometimes i just wanna say "sorry, but buck up and do it, plently of people dont like their jobs but we need you to work right now"
at the end of the day i need to forget my guilt and remember this is what we both want and at the same time just listen and be supportive of him. it's so frustrating!
anyone else go through the guilt/frustration with DH's working or anything like this?
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Re: SAHM/ working husband guilt...
DH is having a hard time dealing with his work-a-holic boss who is unresponsive to setting realistic expectations for time lines/resources. We don't have the financial issue, but I do feel like he just needs to go to work until he finds something else, so does he. Sure it sucks, but I have been there. I think everyone who has worked for any length of time has been there.
The part I struggle with is not wanting to add to his stress with my own. I love staying home, but 60+ hours a week most alone gets taxing. It also means we have little time connect with each other, which is the biggest issue, when we do, I don't want to vent to him, I want to enjoy being with him. Going back to work would not change this. Do the math. Would your going back to work really help this situation? Would it really be a good idea for him to quit and look for work (I have always found it easier to get a job when you already have one). Is your current lifestyle sustainable, both emotionally and financially, for both of you?
I wouldn't take his work vents personally, no need for you to feel guilty about it. I doubt he means for you to really have the answers or to go back to work. lol...I can see thinking "buck up" but don't actually say it. I think "we really need you to work right now, and I am so happy you are doing this for our family" is probably better.
We WERE going through this. Why does he need to take off work to job search?
Maybe I can offer hope since we went through this recently. ?
DH worked as a retail manager for a company that was running him around and not conducive to family life. He hated his job and came home every day grumpy. It was really driving a wedge in our life and we were stressed all the time.
One day we just sat down and talked about it and started the very long process of job hunting. It took awhile since he was working full time on top of it. I even offered to go back to work and he said no, that he loved me being at home and it was all worth it to him.Instead I was patient and supported him. I helped him write his resume and helped him job hunt, and mainly I was just there for him to talk to. Like you I felt guilty!!
He actually got job offers that he turned down because they would have been to similar to his current job. We decided to hold out for the right one. One day he found a great job, it paid more, the hours were better, clouse to home, much less stress...I felt it was to good to be true. I was actually scared when he put in his 2 weeks notice. But the day he came home from the new job our life got better! We have been much happier since.
I guess my point is that I doubt he is complaining to hurt you, you should not feel guilty. But if he is really that misrebel it may be worth the work to find something better. And be patient and find the right job...
Are you 100% positive that he doesn't want you to work at all? Maybe it's time to have a real sit down talk about what he's unhappy about right now.
If we were struggling to pay bills and had no savings, I would at least get a part time job to help out. You could work in a restaurant two nights a week after your kiddo goes to bed, and at least bring in some money to help the household.
Also, can you job hunt for him? You could look on craigslist and monster.com and email his resume to the jobs that you know he would be interested in.
I agree with all of this.
Like the previous posters, I do not think that he should take a month off to search! Sounds like he needs a vacation. Even if you can't afford to go somewhere, if you can afford for him to take a few days off, it would probably help him a lot. You could spend some time talking to him about what he wants for his career, and whether it makes sense for you to work or not. The job market is so saturated with seekers right now that it will take a lot longer than a month to find a job. I also don't think you should take the venting personally...its just really easy to get bogged down when you're in a job you hate but you see no other options. It's like there's no light at the end of the tunnel! Help him with his resume and encourage him to start networking among friends and colleagues. Finding a new job is all about who you know!
I am in a totally different situation - my husband got laid off from his job in February and hasn't found a new job yet. He has had 4 interviews within the past 10 days, and we are hoping he will get at least one job offer. Fortunately, he had a decent severance package and has been paid all of this time...but the last paycheck is coming next week...and then things get sticky. I have always wanted to be a SAHM, and we didn't think it was financially feasible...but after a rough bout with PPD, I couldn't return to work, and have been on disability or unemployment since leaving to have my daughter. I interviewed for a job in April, but they have been stringing me along and I still don't know if they are going to offer me a part-time job, a full-time job, or any job at all. AUGH! Even if my husband gets a good job offer, it's likely we will need 2 incomes. I am trying to think positively...if I do go back to work, it isn't permanent, and there are a lot of people struggling financially right now. But that doesn't really make it a lot easier. Sorry to make this about me...guess I needed to vent too!!!