How to tell coworker who had recent loss

sportsmomma · May 2011

I'm getting pretty close to announcing at work that I'm expecting. Our team is virtual so it will be via a conference call we're all on. One of my teammates had a m/c in February and so I would like to be considerate of her feelings. I am thinking of calling her beforehand, but am not sure what to say?

She didn't tell everyone about her m/c (she hadn't announced pregnancy) but did tell me about it so I feel like that means we're close enough that I need to tell her I'm expecting myself and that I plan to announce on the call so she's prepared. We have another girl on the team who announced her pregnancy after this coworkers' miscarriage so I won't be the first but really want to be considerate of her feelings. Since I haven't been through a loss, I was just wondering what you all think is appropriate or what is the best way to tell her. I know she will be excited for me (and to be honest, I have suspicions she may be expecting herself again), but I certainly do not want to be the source of any pain for her.

TIA!

DiademChi · May 2011

I would email her a few hours before the conference call to give her a heads-up. Better to read it than to have to respond directly on the phone.

DoubleSS · May 2011

I agree with pp. I would much rather read it.

Mass-girl-at-heart · May 2011

DiademChi:
I would email her a few hours before the conference call to give her a heads-up. Better to read it than to have to respond directly on the phone.

This exactly, that way she can have the reaction she needs to have.

JoAnna914 · May 2011

Considering everything you wrote here, she clearly felt she was close enough to you to tell you about her loss. As someone who has had a loss, I think I would prefer a phone call over an e-mail - I just think that if you two have actually spoken about her loss, a conversation would be more appropriate (e-mail just feels so impersonal). Either way, I am sure she will appreciate your consideration of her feelings.

Sweet Artistmouse · May 2011

JoAnna914:
Considering everything you wrote here, she clearly felt she was close enough to you to tell you about her loss. As someone who has had a loss, I think I would prefer a phone call over an e-mail - I just think that if you two have actually spoken about her loss, a conversation would be more appropriate (e-mail just feels so impersonal). Either way, I am sure she will appreciate your consideration of her feelings.

I agree with you JoAnna914. I've been there too and I got blindsided by a group e-mail to the team.

apronstrings · May 2011

I would prefer an email followed by a phone call. That way she can react in her own way. And then you can call her to follow-up. There is no good way to tell her-which probably stresses her out as much as you.

hart0620 · May 2011

I would prefer a quick email. I think then she has a chance to react on her own and then "face" you later either by calling you or just on the group conference call. After my losses, I felt like everyone was getting pregnant and it was hard to handle sometimes. I was genuinely excited for them, but I needed some time to react on my own before putting on my happy face (or voice) for them.

sportsmomma · May 2011

Thank you all so much! I think I will send her an individual email and my guess is she will likely call me after reading the email. If she doesn't, I will call and check on her later on and be sure to give her a few days notice before the team call. I really appreciate all of the insight!

How to tell coworker who had recent loss

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