New...with a BF Q

Aviee · May 2011

I have been BFing since the beginning, and in theory, everyone I know is supportive and says how great it is that I'm doing it. My problem comes when I'm practicing it. I have yet to be accepted BFing under a cover around anyone that isnt H. No matter who it is, I get strange looks as if it makes people uncomfortable to know I'm BFing. Because I want people to still come around and me not be isolated, I have been pumping when people come over, but it is such a pain and I really want to reach my friends so that I can BF without them being wierded out.

I am the only one of my friends anywhere near having a child, so I know we don't share common ground there. i just don't see how someone could be pro BFing, but yet against it. What are some suggestions to overcome this? I've even avoided NIP because my friends make it so awkward for me.

StrawberryAlarmClock · May 2011

I'm really sorry that you don't feel supported by friends and family. I'm the type to just nurse regardless and figure it's their problem not mine. However, if you're the type who doesn't want to make others uncomfortable, I'm sure it's hard for you. If you're not comfortable NIP but need to, you could ask to sit in a booth in an out of the way corner at restaurants. At the mall, fitting rooms are great! At friends' houses, ask if you can use the guest room. I was forever running out to the car to nurse. I can't tell you how many hours I've spent bumping on my phone in the backseat of the car with a conked out baby in my arms.

I think you need some like-minded friends. Can you join LLL or get on Meetup.com and see if there are any mommy groups in your area? HTH

Lotte134 · May 2011

I second SAC on finding some like-minded friends. Not to say that you should ditch your current friends, but it makes a world of difference to feel totally normal and not like the odd one out sometimes. It will also hopefully give you the courage to continue nursing in front of your current friends because really that's the only thing that will make it more comfortable. My guess is that they don't know how to respond since they haven't seen it and the more you do it the more relaxed they'll be.

WildcatPrincess · May 2011

I always went to a spare bedroom or something to nurse since I didn't want to make anyone uncomfortable. I hated that I had to, especially in the beginning when she nursed for sooooo long at a time, but it wasn't worth it to me to make them uneasy. Looking back I'm glad I did considering the conversation a friend and her b/f had on FB about NIP recently. I believe it concluded with they're not allowed to pee in public so they shouldn't have to see breasts in public Sad

That's one of the thing I love about moms groups and playgroups, those are two places I never felt weird nursing!

pixieprincss · May 2011

Do you have a local LeLeche League that meets? That is a great place to practice nursing in "public" and build confidence and garner support. Just doing it---as simple as it sounds--is the best way to get over the weirdness and navigate how to do it more comfortably the next time. Another big tip is to be relaxed and look people you are speaking to in the eye. They will take their cues from your body language (in theory at least, LOL!) and their eyes will follow your face rather than your chest.

forensicmama · May 2011

I'm really sorry to heat you're not feeling supported, either. Maybe they think that you want your space when you nurse. When you nurse, nurse in the middle of the conversation and if they make a move to get up and leave, say, "Oh, no, please stay. I'm not embarrassed at all. I want you to stay and I want to hang out with you." When I was nursing my DD, I started out with the blanket and such and feeling like I might be making others uncomfortable, but soon I just didn't care and it seemed like others didn't care either.

SnoopyLuv · May 2011

None of my friends ever saw a women breastfeed before. I just whipped it out (this was in the hospital and the first few weeks PP)! I could tell at first it was awkward but now they don't even blink. I'd ask them if they are uncomfortable. They'll likely say no and just laugh it off and say "I know it's odd if you've never been around it but it's really no big deal!"

I definitely agree that an LLL meeting or trying to find a Meetup.com group is a good idea.

Nordstrom is a great place to nurse if you are at the mall, I met a lot of Moms there myself.

StacieJane · May 2011

I've just never bothered to care much what people thought. I'm a HUGE advocate of BFing in public, because I think it is so important that women see other women nursing. I would think how I was paving the way to make it more normal for others (maybe my daughter's generation!).

Sadly, we didn't get to BF in public much because SOMEONE was/is way more interested in what is going on. I never apologized for nursing at my own home, but I did feel a little more awkward nursing at our small group Bible study (the intimacy of that setting made it harder, actually). I just used a blanket if I could, and kept a hand near her face (if she ripped off the cover), so that if the nipple got exposed, I could cover it.

I am currently the only mom in my playgroup who nurses sans Hooter Hider. No one has ever mentioned it to me, so I just act like it's normal!

Shanin8 · May 2011

I found that using a cover made it considerably harder for me. Not only did the poncho scream that I was feeding my LO, but I had to deal with a very hungry baby, sweating from hormones, and fighting to see what was going on. Once I ditched that and used a light blanket, it was easier for me to stay calm and it felt more natural. I can control where the blanket lands on his face and most of the time, people don't notice that I'm feeding him. Plus, my LO is used to nursing with a blanket at home and using the cover, I think, made him more angry.

Aviee · May 2011

Thanks for all of your help, ladies. When my bff was over and made things so awkward, I was doing my best to keep talking, looking at her, and acting like nothing was going on, but every half a second she'd glance down at my blanket where I was feeding. I'll def try to look into the sneaky NIP techniques so that nobody will realize that I'm nursing. Usually I'm not so shy, but the fact that my friends can't force themselves to get over nursing near them is kind of a shock to me that really put me off 'balance.'

I'm going to try to practice at my dad's house today where I know it's been done when I was a kid, so it won't be so awkward. Thanks again!

SeaMama · May 2011

It's unfortunate that even under a cover people feel uncomfortable, but in my own personal experience I would just go into another room, nurse, and then come back out. I'm not trying to force anything on people. It's none of their concern how I feed my baby and if it makes everything awkward, I don't have an issue excusing myself.

hst · May 2011

Good luck,

your friends will get use to it, and it is harder to nurse with a cover.

always4278 · May 2011

I'm the only one of my friends who is anywhere near having a baby as well. Luckily my two best friends are totally supportive and I don't even use a cover with them around. I have other friends that are more or less comfortable but with the ones that are more uncomfortable I try to be more discreet and excuse myself. With my boyfriends family I always excuse myself to another room, because they aren't comfortable with it. A lot of PPs have good suggestions about dressing rooms, cars, and guest rooms, but its still unfortunate that your friends can't just be ok with it. Sorry I'm not too much help but GL!

drea_raye · May 2011

I think the biggest thing is practice. I agree that other mom groups are a good way to get there... we are really like in that there are BFing groups through our community health as a part of the government trying to increase BFing (go Canada!) I tried a cover for the first time today, since I wasn't wearing a shirt that was great for nursing and it was awful! (even though I got great compliments on how pretty the cover is from one of the other BFing moms.)

I do my best to arrange to feed LO before we are somewhere it would be weird, but it doesn't always work that way. And for social situations, well if you don't like it, we aren't really going to be able to spend all that much time together.

I also think that it is good for it to become more commonplace...

And as for your friend watching your boob... well babies are so cute, and if you aren't exposed to it nursing is kind of fascinating. I know my friends little kids came up and started at me feeding the baby... they were intrigued. I kind of like to think that is a more natural reaction than looking away or leaving the room...

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