There just are no words, right? (loss mentioned - not mine)

krissymac · May 2011

My next door neighbors were expecting in September, but I just found out they lost the baby at 22 weeks. They were going to come to a mutual friends house today for a birthday party, but didn't because they knew I would be there, and there would be other babies - it's just too soon for them. And I completely understand. They don't ever come out of their house normally, so I don't think there will be many awkward moments. I'm thinking about walking the other way and around the block so I don't have to go past their house when going for a walk. I know how hard it is to see other pregnant women and those with babies after experiencing a loss. I feel so sad for them and know there really are no comforting words. While it hurts to be reminded of my own loss again, it's still good to remember so I can appreciate this pregnancy even more. Today, I am pregnant, and I love my baby.

Karen1998 · May 2011

Your poor neighbors. My heart goes out to them. It's nice of you to think of them and walk the other way. (((hugs)))

rock-elle · May 2011

Thats awefully kind and of you to consider taking another route, you are too sweet! My heart breaks for your neighbors Broken Heart

Junebug060609 · May 2011

There really are no words. So heartbreaking.

haziedaze · May 2011

I can't even imagine. Loss is just awful. I hope they find peace. Have you thought about writing them a little note with your condolences?

butterflynola · May 2011

So very sad. There really are no words I know personally after losing our daughter at 22 weeks, but I will say that avoiding them and the subject will also hurt. It seemed like after our loss that people were afraid to come around or once they did they would just act like nothing happened and not say anything which just made it feel like an elephant in the room. Reaching out to them with an occasional visit or even card can go such a long way. My ? goes out to them.

shoefreak85 · May 2011

How sad! I'm so glad that you remember what it's like to be in her shoes. That's very considerate of you to take an alternate route.

SockMonkeySam · May 2011

Autumnmh1:
So very sad. There really are no words I know personally after losing our daughter at 22 weeks, but I will say that avoiding them and the subject will also hurt. It seemed like after our loss that people were afraid to come around or once they did they would just act like nothing happened and not say anything which just made it feel like an elephant in the room. Reaching out to them with an occasional visit or even card can go such a long way. My ? goes out to them.

I agree with alot of this. When I lost the twins, every friend I was close with disapearered. I knew they didn't know what to say.. or what to do. But I felt abondoned like I didn't matter nor did my kids. To this day alot of them still don't know what to say to me..

And I agree, flowers, cards and phone calls just to hug and cry.. that does help healing some. I spent 4 weeks alone in my house after my husband went to work and I had no one to comfort me (other than my mom) And I think that made it hurt even more.

I am sending them prayers.

JoAnna914 · May 2011

My loss was very, very early, but was still very devastating to me, especially since everyone around me seemingly was pregnant. The kindest words and support I got came from a 7-month-pregnant friend who actually shared with me her TTC journey, and it involved two devastating M/Cs that she had never told me about before. It really gave me great comfort to hear her say "This isn't your fault; you did nothing wrong; it's all the luck of the draw, and some of us just need a little more time for our good luck to show up." And then she let me know that she totally understood if I didn't want to see her for a while. She was the only person who knew what I was going through, and it actually made me want to see her more. She gave me hope.

If you're comfortable sharing your past with her, I bet you anything that she will be grateful that she knows someone who gets it.

nekillo · May 2011

My thoughts go out to your neighbor and her husband.

I agree with the PPs; changing your route for a while is a very considerate thing to do; and sending a card with a little momento every few months to let her know you are still thinking of her and her child is a very sweet idea. (And if you are close enough to them and you feel comfortable buying gifts, one of my favorite ideas what an "angel" in with the baby's birthstone (May) and EDD birthstone (Sept)) Just something for her to privately remember her LO.

My heart is so sad for her. Hugs!

pennynjon · May 2011

My heart breaks for them. You are right, there are no words. I think that is very thoughtful of you to walk the other way.

lalaellac · May 2011

SockMonkeySam:

Autumnmh1:
So very sad. There really are no words I know personally after losing our daughter at 22 weeks, but I will say that avoiding them and the subject will also hurt. It seemed like after our loss that people were afraid to come around or once they did they would just act like nothing happened and not say anything which just made it feel like an elephant in the room. Reaching out to them with an occasional visit or even card can go such a long way. My ? goes out to them.

I agree with alot of this. When I lost the twins, every friend I was close with disapearered. I knew they didn't know what to say.. or what to do. But I felt abondoned like I didn't matter nor did my kids. To this day alot of them still don't know what to say to me..

And I agree, flowers, cards and phone calls just to hug and cry.. that does help healing some. I spent 4 weeks alone in my house after my husband went to work and I had no one to comfort me (other than my mom) And I think that made it hurt even more.

I am sending them prayers.

These two hit the nail on the head! Even thought pregnant women were tough to deal with after loosing Ella, it was/is even worse when people completely ignore you or the fact that I have a daughter who died. I'd definitely send something. Lots of prayers to your neighbor!

Fififa21 · May 2011

So sad for your neighbors, sending some prayers their way!

Eris-Alexis · May 2011

My heart goes out to your neighbors. It's very sweet of you to consider their feelings.

I think it would be a great idea to send a card or gift with your condolences, and if you feel comfortable sharing your story with her, I think it could give her a lot of comfort. After I lost my twins, one of the first days that I started feeling better was when I talked to a lady who had been through IF and several losses. That being said, I think it is important to let her take the lead. Let her vent when she needs to, and let her tell you when she is comfortable being around you. Sometimes I really needed to talk about my babies, and sometimes I just wanted people to distract me or to leave me alone.

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There just are no words, right? (loss mentioned - not mine)

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