Pregnant after a Loss

I love you ladies!

I felt so loved today when I got on and saw all the nice posts.  Maybe it post-delivery hormones or just all the oxytocin floating around these parts, but it made me cry with happiness.  You just don't know how much you mean to me.  I know the rest of the world would see you as "strangers" to me but I think of you as my friends and I'm so glad that I was able to share this happiness with you.

I will tell you honestly that I was right to be scared of delivering such a big baby.  I pushed for two hours.  I like to think I have a pretty high pain tolerance and I have to say that I have never felt pain like that before in my life.  I have a 2nd degree tear and 2 bilateral labial tears and am so swollen and bruised, I don't even recognize this as a part of my body!  My crotch looks like Frankenstein and it still hurts like a mother f*cker.  I was in so much pain after I delivered Allison that I was literally crawling up the back of the bed away from the doctor.  In order to stitch me back together, they had to give me a double dose of narcotic pain medicine (on top of the epidural).  When it was all fixed up and they gave me Allison to nurse, I kept falling asleep and couldn't even hold her.  I was so loopy, I don't even really remember anything about after she was born.  Since then, breastfeeding has gone very well and I have definitely bonded with Allison, but I just feelsad that I missed that time with her at the very beginning of her life.  Sad

With that honesty, I have to tell you that I would repeat every stitch last night, every m/s puke, every contraction, every agonizing push, every pound I gained,  every single trip to the bathroom in the middle of the night, and every lost hour of sleep of this entire pg three times over for this little girl.  I never knew it was possible to love someone I didn't even know this much.

It's just another ordinary miracle today...but this one is my ordinary miracle!   Here is a picture of her!  There are also a couple more pictures and a really cute video of her on our baby blog.

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Re: I love you ladies!

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