How much free time should DH have?

sassy_mommy · May 2011

My DH has a very flexible job and is now volunteering twice a week for another organization (2 full days for them equaling about 16 hours a week). I have no problem with that, but when he comes home sometimes, he still does what he wants to do most days (watches a lot of tv, spends lots of time online, etc.) instead of what I want him to do (chores, quality time with me and kids, etc.). Of course, I guess all I need to do is talk with him about it, but I just wanted to know if you all think I'm being fair. I'm not saying he can't have time to himself at home, but I am saying that he is choosing to spend 16 hours of his free time each week doing volunteer work, which (in my mind) cuts down on the amount of time he should have doing his own thing while at home.

What do you think? How do you handle "free time" in your home?

kensbride08 · May 2011

DH and I have agreed that when neither of us is working (my job being taking care of the kids while he is at his job) our "free" time consists of hanging out with the kids or going to the gym/exercising. Rarely do either of us just "hang out" when we are home. I guess Im just lucky cuz DH isnt into computer games, TV etc.

Why dont you have a set "schedule" for free time? Maybe say every saturday we will switch off our free times and we can do what we want or something like that?

HarrietNJMommy · May 2011

This varies greatly based on a lot of factors. I don't think anyone can tell you and your DH what is a "fair" number for your family.......

The only thing that you two need to agree on is the amount of time you each get. Whether you get more or he gets more free time doesn't matter as long as you are both happy with your decision.

I would say DH and I get an equal amount of free time - I don't have exact hours to measure because week by week is so different.........

EveryNameIWantIsTaken · May 2011

Usually, our free time is when ds is asleep but if we do get time alone when he is awake, it isn't a ton. We do lots as a family though.

Emcat1980@yahoo.com · May 2011

My H works a ton so I feel bad getting on him about stuff like that, but he definitely gets more totally free time than me (i.e. child free). I just mainly ask him to please limit his TV/internet time to after our son is sleeping. If he's home while DS is awake (that's rare unfortunately these days), I want him to be engaged with him.

Maybe ya'll can establish a sort of routine, if his schedule is regular enough, that X and Y days he does something special with the kid(s) - like a park trip, ice cream, coloring with sidewalk chalk, 30 minutes of reading books together, etc. That way you get a break (or you can join them). Then maybe Z day he gets some free hours after work to do whatever he wants. Some people thrive under more of a schedule.

englishviola · May 2011

I don't know if I can exactly answr your question, but I do think discussing it and coming to a consensus between you and your DH is important.

My DH works a lot, so when he's home, we're generally doing family stuff. We both watch tv/are online after the kids go to bed.

If there's something special either of us want to do, we're generally free to do it as long as it doesn't conflict with existing plans. But it doesn't happen a lot that either of us get alone time, anyway.

Personally, I would be annoyed if DH spent 16 hours/week doing something not work or family related. But that doesn't mean that won't work for your family, you just need to figure out what each of you is comfortable with.

J&A2008 · May 2011

Both parties should be mostly happy with the arrangement. DH and I talk about what we need/want. Last night, I met a girlfriend for an early dinner (3 hours) and when I got home, I did homework and bedtime routine with the boys while he holed up and watched a movie (I am Number 4) that I had no interest in watching.

MrsC17 · May 2011

During the week neither DH nor I really have any "free time"- by the time he gets home, we eat dinner and get the nugget to bed, we are too tired to do anything (and usually watch a half an hour of tv before we both pass out), but I do tend to try to do my thing during the week when MIL can watch the nugget so I can make sure he gets some down time on the weekends. I actually push him to take more down time- he has been very stressed out at work and needs to do more for himself. He isn't a lounger, so I guess the situation may be different, but when he does do things its usually golf (4-5 hours) or a sporting event or something.

Amymarie13 · May 2011

WE are going through a similar struggle at our house. I feel that DH plans "his" weekend and assumes that the kids will be taken care of - by me of course. we have no family near. the things he is doing are for his 2nd job (which he has because he loves it, i don't actually support the choice) and projects around the house - but again, it's projects HE wants to do, not stuff i want done. so that is all ME time for him. and i am there doing the same old thing...i feel like it's 1950