Anyone have experience dealing with alzheimer's?

Mee83shell · May 2011

Obviously as a nurse I deal with this disease on a daily basis...but it's so different when it's your own family.

My grandma has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. She is almost 80 & lives at home with my grandpa who is also almost 80. He is completely 100% with it still & very very active.

Grandma was put on meds--but I just found out she quite taking them--& is still driving short distances. During the day my grandfather is gone in & out a LOT. (More than he should be with her condition but that's another story.) Well last week two guys came to her door while he was gone & asked if their basement was wet from all the rain we've had. She said no. They asked to come in & check. She said "SURE!" So they handed her a card & walked in their house. The one went down to the basement & the other stayed up in the kitchen chatting with her. WTF?? This scares the crap out of me.

My grandpa was PISSED when he came home & she told him what happened. I'm angry at him for leaving her alone so often. He realizes now that this disease is way more serious than he originally thought & he's terrified for her safety. Apparently he didn't realize that her judgment is impaired.

So my question is--how do I go about talking to him regarding removing her driving privileges & also about not leaving her alone so often? I mean, I know it's going to be a horrible conversation. But I don't want to hurt his feelings or her feelings & of course keeping her independence is key.

I'm also going with her to her next neurologist appt so we can get her meds straightened out. I'm just frustrated.

If you made it through this, you get a cookie.

horizon1322 · May 2011

First of all, ((hugs)). I'm really sorry you're having to go through this. We lost my grandfather to it a few years ago after an 18-year battle.

We just had to sit my grandmother down and tell her she needed to take the keys away. She was worried about upsetting him and didn't want to limit his independence, but we told her not only was he putting himself at risk, he was putting all the other drivers at risk, too. If he resists, ask how he would feel if his grandson was killed by someone who shouldn't be driving anymore. Wouldn't he have wished that person's spouse had taken the keys away? Acknowledge his (and her!) concerns, but stress that their safety is the most important thing because you love them so much and don't want to see anything happen to them. Good luck, both in this conversation and in the difficult journey ahead.

akalutts · May 2011

It really does stink. My folks are going through this with my grandfather. They had many talks with him about the driving and he refused to give it up. Our state has an anonymous reporting system for situations like this, so my folks filled out the paperwork. He has been called in to retake his written and driving test - we are hoping he fails, but if he passes we aren't sure what the next step is.

Maybe your state has something like this and you can at least get them to retest her, and if she fails that part is taken care of?

princess101 · May 2011

Ditto the pp that talked about the anonymous reporting thing with the DMV.

My Grandma had alzheimers and got to the point where she drove around and around her block because she couldn't remember which house was hers (she'd lived there for 20+ years). She also got in a minor accident where no other cars were involved because she was so disoriented. She began to get violent with my Grandfather and got to where she would think I was my mom and vice versa. My Grandfather had no choice but to have her go to a nursing home once she got to where she could no longer care for herself because he could not help her like she needed to be helped. It is super dangerous if her judgement is impaired and if he can't be around or care for her as needed you can discuss in home care with her doctors or the option of a nursing home (as unsavory as most find the idea). It just depends how far the disease has progressed and how much care she really needs at this point. It's a devastating disease and soo hard to deal with as a family member watching another slip away while still alive. I'm sorry you're dealing with this, but I commend you for taking an active role in her care and treatment.

SBma · May 2011

My grandma has Alzheimer's. She had been living alone (my grandpa died years ago), and would go out driving places. One day she couldn't remember how to get home. After that, my incles did sit down with her and said she wasn't driving anymore. I think they may have taken away her keys (she is very stubborn). Shortly after she started having aides living with her. She has since had a couple strokes and is in a place that can provide medical care. I'm sorry I don't think this has been helpful.

horizon1322 · May 2011

Also, if your family doesn't want to go the nursing home route and can afford it, home nurses are a great option. My grandparents had a daytime nurse and a nighttime nurse for my grandfather. After about 10 years, he'd gotten to the point that he couldn't walk or talk, and my grandmother was unable to lift him or change him by herself. It had all the perks of keeping him at home without the danger of her being by herself.

cherokeemomma87 · May 2011

We went through this with my grandmother. She did the same thing with letting people in the house and driving. My family finally realized that she needed her keys taken away when she forgot where she parked one time and walked home, we figured it out (becaue she was alone) because she was sun burnt.

Im so sorry that you are going through this. My advice would be to take him to the docs app and have him explain how serious this is. Also start looking into support groups, because if your grandpa is going to be her caretaker then he is going to need other people to talk to who have an idea about what he is going through. It only gets harder especially when it is someone you love. You also might want to start talking about how you want to handle this down the road, it is not an easy conversation, but get it done now so you are not scrambling down the line. That is what happened with my family, no one wanted to talk about it and by the time we got out act together we had to scramble to get my grandmother into a good home.

Good Luck!!! I wish you and your family the best!!

GBCK · May 2011

First, Ill say it's hard and it sucks.

Definately see about the DMV type things--my gramps has been 'tested' at the big clinic in our state (that was a battle, BTW) and it ALWAYS stands taht "of course I'll take you for testing gramps. It'll cost $400 [for real] and if the doc says you can drive, you can drive"--the doc is a better judge than we are--less biased, etc. and it' makes us NOT the bad guy.

If you have a 'agency on aging' (most counties do)--they're a GREAT resource.

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Anyone have experience dealing with alzheimer's?

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