s/o financial responsibility...

laney75 · May 2011

We are facing the possibility of putting our kids in private school since our older one is now 3 and will probably start preschool in a year. I never thought I would do this but we are not crazy about the quality/style of education in our public schools around here. Both my husband and I went to public schools and had a good experience.

Anyway, concurrently, we are solidifying our retirement and college planning to ensure we are saving enough. It's looking like we will need to increase our annual contributions for both to ensure everything is funded to the levels we feel are appropriate. Add private school tuition on this and it is looking like there is a possibility I will need to go back to work just to put my kids into private school. We are just beginning down this path but it seems crazy and yet I do not see a lot of alternatives unless we just opt for the public schools, or homeschool. The thought of leaving this career (aka sahm) and life I have built over the past 3 years is frightening and totally upsetting, and yet I am sure it happens all the time.

Has anyone done this or is planning to do this? Any thoughts on if this is crazy? I am already having the irrational fears of leaving my kids all day everyday in someone else's hands while I go to work and it makes me want to cry. I must be hormonal. And then to think I would be working to pay private tuition when we already pay taxes makes me angry. Plus, my husband makes a very generous salary. We own our home and are comfortable - no debt other than our mortgage, etc. It seems absolutely insane that it may come to this.

This has turned into a rant, vent, and also a question - sorry.

jenifairies · May 2011

I guess ultimately you'll have to decide whether the private school or sahm gig is most important. Or cut into the college fund saving for the private school, maybe? I know not everywhere is priced like where I live, but for us, we'd move to a better district before doing private schools. I'm not entirely a sahm at this point (I go to school FT and dd goes to daycare PT), but I wouldn't be a working mom just to pay for private schools unless the public school situation was REALLY bad.

susanmosley · May 2011

I just sat here nodding in agreement, but I have nothing to add.

I can say that I was 1 MILLION percent was POSITIVE that I wasn't going to leave my child with a babysitter/nanny/daycare, but I did. And it has been lovely. I have said it on here before, I worried (like seriously) for months that she was going to die in the care of someone else. But alas, this 20 hr a week babysitter has been great for us all.

But I feel you and hear you and can get pissed at schools/people/media real fast when I think about what you are saying. It's truly crazy and backwards.

laney75 · May 2011

Oh, and P.S. I'd really like to have a third kid. I think we will... we're in "discussions".

So yeah, ... not sure where this is all headed.

laney75 · May 2011

Jeni - I know, trust me. I *never* thought we'd be paying for private school, let alone considering sending me to work to do it. I am not sure if it makes sense yet, that is why I'm sort of thinking outloud here...

Susan - funny, it's not that I don't think I can find a care provider that I trust. I know that we will. It's more like I will be seeing myself/us as a failure. But then, I also feel like we are really trying to have it all and maybe something has to give.

susanmosley · May 2011

laney75:
Susan - It's more like I will be seeing myself/us as a failure.

yep, I get that too

MainelyFoolish · May 2011

I think education is very important and I very much want my child to attend good schools. The school district we live in (DH bought this house before he met me) is ok - not horrible, not awesome. Private school is out of the question for us because of cost and there aren't any nearby I'd want to use anyway. I've thought a lot about whether we should try to move to another school district (which would almost certainly require a more expensive house) and I'm uncertain.

On the one hand, I had a very good public school education and I would love my child to have the same. On the other hand, DH had an average public school education and did just fine in college, too. I'm of the opinion that if you have a talented and motivated child with engaged parents, he/she will probably succeed anywhere.

mabma80 · May 2011

We are sending DS#1 to private school. He actually just finished his first year of prek (3K). He'll be going next year for 4K and continue on up to 8th grade. We send him, and his brothers will go also, to Catholic school.

Our reason for sending them their is the same as yours. We felt the public school system today is just NOT what it was when we went. Both DH and I went to public school and had a fantastic education, but it's just not the same quality as it once was. Everything is just so PC, you have to walk on eggshells, etc. I could go on and on, but I'm sure it's the same reasoning as you and your DH had.

We know putting three kids in private school ain't gonna be cheap, but it's something we feel strongly about and feel it's worth every penny. Once all three of our kids are in school full time, I plan on getting a part time job. For two reasons....one, I'll be bored at home....two, the extra money will help with tuition and we can put some away in our savings.

We also, plan on sending our boys to the Catholic High school which also requires a tuition, but with my part time job, it will be doable.

We do not own a home, we rent a duplex. We do own both our cars so we have no debt at all right now. In the end, your kids will benefit from the great education they will receive and that's what you you have to focus on.

lms_bride · May 2011

KateB1984:
I went to a private (boarding) school for grades 8-12. My parents had to move to an area with poor schools for work, and while my brother and I did fine in elementary/middle school (with supplementary education from my parents, IMO), they felt it was important we go to a better high school, even though it cost them a fortune (especially because we were boarding) and was hard for them to live away from us.

For my parents, they paid for those 5 years of private schooling instead of paying anything towards university. I think it was a great decision. So I can see cutting back on contributions to post-sec education to pay for a private school if you feel it's necessary. I never resented not having any help paying for uni because my parents had clearly invested a lot into my education, and also helped me save money throughout school to make sure I was able to handle my university expenses if I was willing to work for it. I'm considering doing the same for my kids, because we're having 3-4 kids and I'd like them to go to my amazing high school, and realize that financially that could very well restrict what we can do for them for university.

You make an interesting point re: saving for college. I will bring this up with my husband.

lms_bride · May 2011

mabma80:
We are sending DS#1 to private school. He actually just finished his first year of prek (3K). He'll be going next year for 4K and continue on up to 8th grade. We send him, and his brothers will go also, to Catholic school.
Our reason for sending them their is the same as yours. We felt the public school system today is just NOT what it was when we went. Both DH and I went to public school and had a fantastic education, but it's just not the same quality as it once was. Everything is just so PC, you have to walk on eggshells, etc. I could go on and on, but I'm sure it's the same reasoning as you and your DH had.

We know putting three kids in private school ain't gonna be cheap, but it's something we feel strongly about and feel it's worth every penny. Once all three of our kids are in school full time, I plan on getting a part time job. For two reasons....one, I'll be bored at home....two, the extra money will help with tuition and we can put some away in our savings.

We also, plan on sending our boys to the Catholic High school which also requires a tuition, but with my part time job, it will be doable.

We do not own a home, we rent a duplex. We do own both our cars so we have no debt at all right now. In the end, your kids will benefit from the great education they will receive and that's what you you have to focus on.

Yeah it's not just are they learning the right stuff. It's what are they not learning? All the PC B.S. The teaching to the test and the ridiculous amount of testing. Our schools don't seem to be focused on the things that are most important to my husband and I. I could go on but I'll spare everyone.

jenifairies · May 2011

susanmosley:

laney75:

Susan - It's more like I will be seeing myself/us as a failure.

yep, I get that too

I feel you on this as well. I did NOT want to put DD in dc at all (I'm doing college FT). Like that was a huge failure on my role as sahm to not be able to hack it. But you know what? Me going to school is good for me, sets a good example for her, and she really loves daycare. She talks about her teachers, hugs them, tells them she loves them - I know that it's good for her there.

My DH is hit much harder by the money aspect. Like he wants to provide everything DD or I could possibly need/want, but realistically any family can only do so much. Your children will know and appreciate what you did for them, whether it's pay for private, college, etc. They may not when they're 18, but as they get older they will.

lbaby08 · May 2011

KateB1984:
I went to a private (boarding) school for grades 8-12. My parents had to move to an area with poor schools for work, and while my brother and I did fine in elementary/middle school (with supplementary education from my parents, IMO), they felt it was important we go to a better high school, even though it cost them a fortune (especially because we were boarding) and was hard for them to live away from us.
For my parents, they paid for those 5 years of private schooling instead of paying anything towards university. I think it was a great decision. So I can see cutting back on contributions to post-sec education to pay for a private school if you feel it's necessary. I never resented not having any help paying for uni because my parents had clearly invested a lot into my education, and also helped me save money throughout school to make sure I was able to handle my university expenses if I was willing to work for it. I'm considering doing the same for my kids, because we're having 3-4 kids and I'd like them to go to my amazing high school, and realize that financially that could very well restrict what we can do for them for university.

This is similar to what my parents did for me (not boarding school, but private education). Cost them a small fortune but IMO it was worth it. I went to a public university on a full academic scholarship. On the other hand, my two middle siblings asked to go to public high school (mainly for the extracurricular opportunities - sports and arts programs) and my parents sold our house to move to a better school district. We were in an okay district but my parents were already considering moving so it all just came together at the same time. They both went on to private universities with partial sports and art scholarships. In the end the cost out of pocket for my parents was pretty close to even.

Personally, I don't see myself returning to work in order to pay for a private education. We would probably just homeschool if that was the case. However, I grew up very comfortable with home education and see it as a viable option for us if we are not living somewhere with good educational options.

luvmagoldn · May 2011

I would cut back on the college savings. I went to a private university with no college savings to fall back on. I took out some student loans, my parents took out some loans and it all worked out fine.

I've heard financial planners say that if you have everything else covered and can still afford to save for college - do it. But college savings should not come at the expense of anything else.

So I would say pay for the private schools now and save for college when/if you can.

We are sending our kids to Catholic school. At fist we were worried about the cost of three in private school. But when we really looked at it, it will cost less than we were paying the nanny while I worked full time! It's all about perspective right?

Notwifezilla7 · May 2011

luvmagoldn:

I would cut back on the college savings. I went to a private university with no college savings to fall back on. I took out some student loans, my parents took out some loans and it all worked out fine.

I've heard financial planners say that if you have everything else covered and can still afford to save for college - do it. But college savings should not come at the expense of anything else.

So I would say pay for the private schools now and save for college when/if you can.

I agree w/this.

spiritenergy · May 2011

Personally, I would not go to a 9-5 job just to pay for private school. I am biased because my family has chosen the homeschooling route. Homeschooling provides us with a more relaxed lifestyle. DH likes coming home and not having to worry about anything. Is homeschooling an option for you or is it something that you are not interested in?

I would not cut into college savings to pay for private school. I went to college with no help from family. While my parents made a deceant amount of money, my parents had to file bankruptcy when I was in high school thereby disqualifing them from parent PLUS loans to help me out in college. To save their house, my parents had to pay back all of the debts so most of discressionary spending was spent on the bankruptcy payments. My parents did everything "right" when I was younger. They had 6 months emergency fund and had some college savings for my brother and I, then circumstances that they could not have forseen happened and whipped them out. They dug into the college fund to keep food on the table. This caused me to go to college with very little financial aid from the government. I tested out of any and every college class that I could. I took out private loans to pay for it. It was rough. This has really impacted me in a negative way in terms of getting started in life. I do not want my kids to struggle the way I did, so college savings is important to me.

I think you need to figure out what is important to your family. Obviously my past experiences have impacted the way I view the world and what I want for my children. Perhaps you have different goals for your family. If you have number 3, would you be a working mom or would you stay home for awhile? How would adding private school for #3 work for your family?

norbert5 · May 2011

You are in a tough spot. Are there any public charter schools near you that might also be an option? I know that there are a few in our area and they are amazing (I used to sub at some of them and have friends with kids that have a attended some of them). Since they are public they don't have an added cost.

I taught at a private school for awhile and would be leery of sending my kid to one without during thorough research. For example: How many students do they allow per class? What curriculum do they use? How many teachers are credentialed/certified? What is your fundraising obligation each year (hidden financial cost)? What kind of standardized testing do they do, if any?

The reasons I bring these up is because I saw them load classes with up to 36 kids. Our math books were so outdated they didn't even print workbooks for them anymore, and we took standardized testing that did not fit with our state's standards so they were artificially inflated and the administration would brag about that to parents who wanted their kids to attend our school. We were considered one of the top private schools in our area. Our WASC accreditation was the highest you could receive for the last 15 years. Don't get me wrong but we had some really great programs at our school too, but there were some things that really bothered me.

To be honest I wouldn't go back to work full-time to pay for private school, I don't think it is that great. I would move to a better district or look at alternative education programs (like charter or home school or a hybrid of the two) before going back to work 9-5. The thought of having to sit down with my kids and go over homework with them after I get home from work just makes me kind of sad.

kelleylk · May 2011

laney75:
We are facing the possibility of putting our kids in private school since our older one is now 3 and will probably start preschool in a year. I never thought I would do this but we are not crazy about the quality/style of education in our public schools around here. Both my husband and I went to public schools and had a good experience.
Anyway, concurrently, we are solidifying our retirement and college planning to ensure we are saving enough. It's looking like we will need to increase our annual contributions for both to ensure everything is funded to the levels we feel are appropriate. Add private school tuition on this and it is looking like there is a possibility I will need to go back to work just to put my kids into private school. We are just beginning down this path but it seems crazy and yet I do not see a lot of alternatives unless we just opt for the public schools, or homeschool. The thought of leaving this career (aka sahm) and life I have built over the past 3 years is frightening and totally upsetting, and yet I am sure it happens all the time.
Has anyone done this or is planning to do this? Any thoughts on if this is crazy? I am already having the irrational fears of leaving my kids all day everyday in someone else's hands while I go to work and it makes me want to cry. I must be hormonal. And then to think I would be working to pay private tuition when we already pay taxes makes me angry. Plus, my husband makes a very generous salary. We own our home and are comfortable - no debt other than our mortgage, etc. It seems absolutely insane that it may come to this.
This has turned into a rant, vent, and also a question - sorry.

You're not hormonal. Smile

And the next quote is exactly how I would feel. IMO, unless those public schools are something awful, like weekly shootings and all children are failing to learn basic skills...well, I would just have to go with it. You are stressing over going back to work, you obviously don't want to, and I think that is a sign you should stay at home.

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