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susanmosley
member
Financial Responsibility and Children Question
susanmosley
member
There have been posts on here about whether or not it is irresponsible to have a(nother) child if you already know you can't pay for things in the future of that child - i.e. college, private school while being in a crappy public district, etc.
I have a spin off question regarding special needs. Most of us know the gigantic amounts of money that families have to spend on therapies, interventions, medications, doctor's appointments, equipment, special schools, tutors, and on and on for children with disabilities. So my question is, it is irresponsible, in your opinion, to get pregnant when you are certain you can not afford raising a child with special needs though you are sure you are financially in a position to have a child without special needs?
I am just wondering how financially prepared for a child you believe is responsible. Please ask me questions if my post is unclear.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Financial Responsibility and Children Question
While I'm not in favor of relying on the gov't, they do provide programs and disability coverage to help with this sort of thing.
The other thing is that you wouldn't know if you're going to have a special needs child until after you are pregnant (in most cases).
I will say that even having a healthy child incurs a lot of costs that even though you *think* you know, you don't really know until you're LO has arrived.
The brothers I Rule and OMG! with their faithful sidekickFootFoot.
My life has a superb cast but I can't figure out the plot.
In theory
True. And I know it can take a lot to get qualified for disability benefits.
So, would you suggest that if someone isn't able to afford a special needs child that they place it up for adoption? I am by no means flaming you or even the suggestion of it, I'm just curious. I can't even fathom how difficult it must be for the parents.
I think if people only had children when they could afford the exorbitant costs of caring for a special needs child, only a small minority of people would actually be able to have kids. With that being said, I do think before having children, in a perfect world certain financial goals should be met, like having 6 months savings in an emergency fund, living comfortably enough to be able to afford diapers/formulas/doctor's copays easily and having wiggle room with that budget to add the cost of expensive formula/medication, etc.
My cousin's DD was born with issues. she had a stroke in the birth canal, lost oxygen, had hydrocephalus. She's 12 now and is doing really well considering, but her therapies, meds and surgeries are crazy expensive.
My cousin's wife sah with her dd even though she would prefer to work. My cousin has turned down raises, too. If they made any more money, they would lose govt benefits and it doesn't make financial sense at all to make a few hundred more bucks and lose thousands that they desperately need for her care - she has seizures, multiples surgeries on her left arm and foot, etc.
Back to your original question, I don't think anyone can really anticipate what will happen when you have kids. If everyone could 100% sure say they could cover multiples, or special needs, or what have you, very, very few people would even have children.
Realistically, I think things will usually work themselves out one way or another. The main thing is to be your child's #1 advocate.
Just my two cents!
I agree that if everyone did what I am inquiring about, not many people could have children.
jenifairies is right in that the $$ is extreme. I would venture to say that 90% of fams with kids with disabilities can't afford (w/ whatever assistance may be there) what is truly needed to give the best to their child.
there were previously people on here who had pretty "stict" guidelines of what they thought a parent should be prepared to pay for...just wondering where special needs parents fall in their minds.
I think anyone should be able to have a kid if they want (although I wish many wouldn't want) & I think children with SN should be able to get much more...but this is a problem so huge that I fear there will never be a solution
on my phone - excuse typos
I have to "LOL" at the "strict guidelines" thing.
There are, of course, right times to have a child, but if everyone waited until life was "ideal", there wouldn't be many kids.
I do feel sorry for families that have the extra expense and emotional burdens (stress, extra running for surgeries, appointments, etc) of having a SN child. It just can't be easy.
No one forsees that their child will be born with an impairment. I believe these are special cases and am thankful that there is government assistants for these situations. For these are the situations that government funding should be set up for.
This being said I'm HEAVILY against those having babies and living off the government. Not only is it being selfish to the child but it's being selfish to hard working citizens. It's unfair to be working a hard 40 hour week and having to pay for dead beats with 5 kids thinking their too good to work at McDonalds.
I believe if you are supported by the government it should be mandatory for you to have drug tests and be on birth control, shot, etc.
So, on the one hand, I absolutely agree that it is irresponsible to be having children while being supported by the government. On the other hand, if a person waited until the "right time" (whether financial, emotional, level of stability, whatever) to do everything, nothing would ever get done.
When I was younger, I was talking to my dad about an extended roadtrip/traveling I wanted to do. I kept talking about the things that I needed to do to get ready-save X amount of money, get this work done on my car, find a friend to go with me, etc...Then, he gave me the best advice he's ever given. He said, "You are never going to have enough money. Just go. You will make it work." Now, I am not a risk taker by nature, so following this advice wouldn't make me jump off a cliff blindly, but I remember it often when I am weighing the pros and cons of making a decision.
DH and I didn't really have enough money to have a baby, but we started trying anyways and I got pregnant during the first cycle. We weren't planning on having me SAH, but emotionally, it was what I needed to do. Since making that decision, we are actually in much better financial shape than we were when I was working and we didn't have a baby, because we were able to make better decisions which have saved a LOT of money.
I think my standard of what is financially responsible may be a little less strict than many people here...
DS is a SN child. We went through some serious financial "rearranging" when he was born. His disability was not prenatally diagnosed. To say that we were financially unprepared for this is an understatement.
He's taught us some invaluable lessons about life and what we really want out of it. In the end, the financial struggles we encountered for the first year of his life have been totally worth it. We do not rely on the gov't, but we rely on DH's work. They are a small company (30 employees) with a multi-national parent company. They have compensated us for all of our medical ins premiums and gave DH a $10K per year raise while he was out for 3 weeks with DS in the NICU. I know that we are in the minority, but we have not taken a penny's worth of assistance, nor filed for disability for DS. We don't need it, and I don't want to waste my time filing for something I may have to "fight" for. I'll leave the benefits there for someone who financially needs it, and let DS file for SSI when he turns 18.
As far as the question SM, I think that sometimes life throws you sh!t that you can never be prepared for. You do what you can, and take help when you need it. People who take advantage of stuff like this should be ashamed of themselves, and I have to imagine that it will come back to haunt them somehow. I don't think you can truly be financially prepared for spontaneous birth defects, genetic disorders, mental retardation, etc.
I don't think it's irresponsible to TTC if you are unsure about being able to provide for a special needs child. There is no way to know in advance how much therapy, medication, surgery, etc. your child will need...it's too much of an unknown to prepare for IMO.
Also, there are tons of government programs for special needs kids that help lighten the parents financial burden.