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Parenting
Any advice for middle child syndrome?
My almost 4 year old has really regressed in the last month or so. She was able to do everything on her own, and now won't do anything unless you help her. I know she obviously needs extra 1 on 1 attention which is hard but we're trying. Any other advice on how to work with her? She is really withdrawing. Daycare just called and asked me to pick her up cuz she's having a major fit and waking all the kids up. I even bought a whole bunch of rewards, but that's not working. I even thought she had a bladder infection because she goes potty so much, but it seems like it's just to be disruptive, get out of bed and get attention.
TIA!
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Re: Any advice for middle child syndrome?
DS - December 2006
DD - December 2008
If you think this is behavioral, then you need to figure out how you want to approach it & just be consistent. For instance, if she says she needs help with something that you KNOW she can do herself, then you reassure her that she can do it and don't give in & do it for her, regardless of how big the fit is. She'll learn pretty quickly to do it or not. Give her the choice.
With regard to pottying, please see the link below. My oldest DD went through this when she was around 4 and it still surfaces from time to time when she's anxious about something. We had several tests for UTI that were all negative & my pedi completely agrees that it was exactly what is outlined in this information.
https://www.rocklinpediatrics.com/daytimefrequency.pdf
My oldest went through something similar when she was 4. Perhaps its just a phase? I called it the "I can't to its" (read in your whiniest voice). It ended for us but not until 4.5...
eta: sometimes I MADE her do whatever she couldn't do at the time (shoes were popular as well as getting dressed), and sometimes I did to get the move on!!
Fine. Don't take my advice. LOL
FWIW, it's not just a middle child thing. There are days when my 4.5 year old DS won't eat unless I feed it to him. Then the "I can't put on my shoes." And on. And on.
DS - December 2006
DD - December 2008
Ya Anna, I know it happens to all kids at one point or another, but I can tell it happens when she sees the oldest gets to go to school and the youngest is the "baby". She says she wants to be the baby and a boy too. Oy vey.
Thanks to all, and ilovemygirls for the pdf. I'll try those recommendations.
I wouldn't classify these necessarily middle-child related. When my oldest was 4y3m, he had the daytime frequent urinating issue. Don't make a big deal about it and it will resolve.
The not wnting to do things/regressing is normal behavior.
Sorry, I posted too soon.
Anyways, I'd chalk it all up to normal behavior-you likely were lucky with DD1.
As for adding a fourth child? then you'd just have two middles.
I wasn't a middle child until I was older. I suppose withdrawal can happen if a child feels like they aren't getting enough quality attention. I certainly did that as an older child. It's probably really hard when you have a toddler who needs constant attention. Not sure if she needs one on one attention, but you might want to get a babysitter for the baby and take her and her older sib to do some big kid stuff. Maybe see if you can carve our 10 mins each day to do something that is "your" thing. My kids can have a lot of rivalry at times (and it didn't get bad until #2 was 1 y/o, btw). Two things seem to keep it at bay - DD loves to cook with me and DS loves to read with me. It's "our" thing and we do it a lot. Try reading the book Siblings Without Rivalry to see if it helps too. It has lots of tools in it for helping your LO's expressing what they're feeling in a safe way.
I agree with Auntie, though. If it doesn't help, I would see a psychologist. They can be really helpful in working through an issue.
I don't think it has a lick to do with being the middle child.
I do think it has a lot to do with age. And lack of positive attention. If, for some reason, you are giving more attention to the other two - then, yes - YOU are making it a middle child thing (which, trust me, is easy to do. I was a middle child. And my mom will tell you two things -- I was sorely neglected when it came to attention. I was also her easiest child (as is the case with most middle children)).
My suggestion would be to downplay the pee thing. Don't get mad. Or upset. Or what have you. "Oh, you have to pee. Ok! Go ahead!" No big deal.
The disruptive behavior in school needs to be addressed. Either by taking away a privilege OR rewarding for good behavior. I know all the "experts" say to do the latter -- you know, that whole positivity thing -- but I'm all about real life. Sometimes, when we don't behave, we lose a privilege. It has the most impact, IMO.
Good luck getting through age 4 -- it's a ride!