s/o: Is a good marriage hard work?

Starr57 · May 2011

I had a discussion with my coworker the other day. He's on his second marriage and he says that this one will last because it's easy. They compromise and keep their arguments to a minimum.

For me, marriage is REALLY hard and requires constant work. I have to constantly remind myself that I need to keep DH in mind when I make decisions and communication doesn't come naturally to me.

Can a good marriage be easy?

Jodi&Joe · May 2011

Anything worth having requires hard work.

mlc92404 · May 2011

We have a great marriage and relationship and I dont feel like it is hard work at all! Now I dont think its easy either. Marriage requires work but I dont feel like mine is hard at all.

winomom22 · May 2011

I honestly don't think any marriage is easy. Although I will say that when DH and I were first married it was easy, but we didn't have the stress or distraction of kids and we worked the same shift. Now we work opposite shifts and really have to work to make the most of the time we have together. Our communication needs improvement. We also used to be really compatible, but we married young-early 20s and I feel like we have both changed as we have grown and at times need to wait for the other to catch up so that we grow and change together.

juniper19 · May 2011

I think marriage can be really easy without kids. But once you throw children into the mix, you have to be much more mindful about each other's needs and mental state. Or really any stressor, like caretaking for an ill parent or sibling, or financial problems, or illness of one of the spouses.

But I also imagine that some marriages are easier than others, regardless of whether there are children involved. It depends a lot on shared values and attitudes toward finances, housework, religion, child rearing philosophy, etc.

mom2one · May 2011

I don't feel like our marriage is really hard work, at least not on a regular basis. We always make time for each other, are best friends and are madly in love. Being parents together is harder than the relationship between the two of us...and that is because we adopted 2 special needs kids and our house is very busy. I think it's ok if a marriage does take hard work though, as long as both people are working at it.

bunny731 · May 2011

Some easy marriages end, some hard marriages endure. If anyone knows the equation I would like to know it. What I do know is that ours is pretty easy---but life hasn't thrown too many curve balls. An easy marriage could fall like a house of cards given external pressures (health, loss of parent/child, financial difficulties etc..) and I am not above it to say that it will always be easy.

ali2005jason · May 2011

I think our marriage is pretty easy. Do we have to work at it, of course. But it's not a constant struggle with anything. Life throws curveballs all the time. We just learn to take them as they come and move on Smile

I love my husband from the bottom of my heart and love the marriage we have. He can be a pain sometimes though Wink

stacynikki · May 2011

I think it depends on both people in the marriage. DH and I both aren't great communicators but we work at it. I think that's what makes our marriage hard, that we are just naturally not great at communicating. But, I think that as long as we both want to communicate and continue working at it, then our marriage will continue to be good.

BubblyToes · May 2011

Jodi&Joe:
Anything worth having requires hard work.

This is exactly what I was going to say.

firefightersgal · May 2011

Generally speaking, no, my marriage isn't terribly hard work. We have our times that it is, for sure, but in the big picture it is probably one of the only areas of my life that is "easy." Our marriage/relationship has gotten easier over time. (I hope I can continue to say that!) We've essentially grown up together.

Jodi&Joe · May 2011

BubblyToes:

Jodi&Joe:
Anything worth having requires hard work.

This is exactly what I was going to say.

Well, duh, that's because we rock!

Bride2b2004 · May 2011

mlc92404:
We have a great marriage and relationship and I dont feel like it is hard work at all!

I think the marriage is easy... the kids can be tough... and that can sometimes lead to us arguing (up all night with baby, no time to do things we would normally do, etc.). I know everyone says that a happy marriage is hard work, but I haven't really found that to be true-- we are 'only' 8 years in, so maybe that comes with more time? Having children on the other hand-- hard & exhausting work!

jlw2505 · May 2011

I think it can be for some people in some ways but I think there is always work involved - for some that "work" might just come easier than for others. If you have a really great style of communication, the work part might seem very natural and easy and therfore make someone think their marriage is easy. I know for one that in my marriage, communication is not super easy per say. DH and I have very different styles of communication and we have to keep that in mind all the time. DH is the type that really has to digest things before he can have a full out conversation and I am the totally opposite. DH procrastanates and I do not. We are opposites in many ways but not all. DH is an amazing father and both put our families first over anything. We can tell when we are at the point of needing a real date night or at the very least - a good conversation and that always helps. We have a great marriage but one that takes work to keep it that way.

EliseB0323 · May 2011

I've honestly never thought my marriage was hard work. We've been through a lot, and it's not always easy, but I would never describe our relationship as "work." When people say they "work" at marriage, what do they mean? Counseling? Talking through things? I think the hardest part of marriage for me is learning to let things go and just waiting out rough periods. To me having a young child and a career was hard work, and the most frustrating part of it was actually not being able to get stuff done.

r9stedt · May 2011

A bad marriage can be hard work, too.

I know the relationship I am in now isn't a marriage, but if it is indicative of our hopeful (one day...long time from now) marriage it won't be near as hard (as previous).

I didn't realize how easy a relationship could be until I met him. We just... revolve... and get it.

ali-1411 · May 2011

My relationship with DH is the easiest, most comfortable part of my life. We have our disagreements like any couple but we ease each other's stress, we're not the cause of it. We love, respect and want the best for each other. We make decisions together, we value each other's opinions and generally want the same things out of life.

jettagurl · May 2011

I didn't read the other responses, but no, I don't necessarily feel it is hard work. I think there can be rough patches, or times where your relationship is evolving when it may seem like it's hard work.

I think if you have a great partner who is a best friend (one of), and you are generally a kind person (putting others first, listening to others, enjoy time together) it should be relatively easy.

I wouldn't classify marriage as easy, but I've never agreed that marriage it hard work, either. I think when it works, it just works and is enjoyable - not a task.

peekaboo716 · May 2011

I don't think my marriage is hard work, but I agree with Jodi and Bubbly. Anthing worth having...

DH and I have to "try." I don't think that you can have a good marriage by just expecting it to work. DH and I are really good at reading each other, really enjoy being with each other, and have a lot of things we do just because we love the other. I have seen marriages that have lasted 40, 50, 60 years, and the common thread I hear is that you have to try to make it good.

shouldbworkin · May 2011

Disagreements aren't necessarily a bad thing, it's how you handle them that matters. Compromise is good, as long as it's not the same person always compromising. A marriage can be great, but encounter difficult circumstances like job loss or other stresses that can require work. Having small children can be hell on even the best of marriages. Even good marriages sometimes require a little therapy to get back on track. To me, the sign of a good marriage is two people who care enough to want to get along and communicate better.

mlc92404 · May 2011

Bride2b2004:
mlc92404:
We have a great marriage and relationship and I dont feel like it is hard work at all!
I think the marriage is easy... the kids can be tough... and that can sometimes lead to us arguing (up all night with baby, no time to do things we would normally do, etc.). I know everyone says that a happy marriage is hard work, but I haven't really found that to be true-- we are 'only' 8 years in, so maybe that comes with more time? Having children on the other hand-- hard & exhausting work!

I agree, some of the bigger challenges in a marriage revolve around having kids. DH and I dont always agree on how to parent our kids. I agree a happy marriage isnt hard work but like you I'm "only" 6.5 years in. Having children isnt easy but it is the most rewarding job I've ever had!

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