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Feeling Sad and Overwhelmed (DH Vent)

stdkrh21stdkrh21
in Babies: 3 - 6 Months
I dont usually complain about dh, I know he does a lot more than some. He cooks dinner and does the dishes most of the time. He even changes diapers. I am a SAHM so I do all of the middle of the night care which is a lot he is up every 1-4 hours usuall a 3hr stretch then every 1-2hrs. So basically I'm tired all the time. I have not had more than 4 consecutive hours of sleep since ds was born and even that is rare. Well we are moving in a week and pitting everything in storage. We'll be staying with friend and family for I don't know how long. Dh got his dream job working for the railroad so we don't know where we will be sent. I'm feeling very overwhelmed about not having a home. I don't want to be a burden on anyone and I'm feeling very stressed. I'm also upset bc I never get any me time but dh gets to whenever he wants. Like today on his way home he went train watching and is now taking a nap. I'd love 30 min to myself but apparently I don't deserve that. His response was being a SAHM is what I wanted. Sorry this is so long. Thanks for reading.
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Re: Feeling Sad and Overwhelmed (DH Vent)

  • AvieeAviee
    Wow, you need more of a break than I do.  Is there anyone who can watch your LO for an hour for you?  I vote that you find someone to do that and take some you time without asking your H.  Just enjoy yourself for a minute.
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  • stdkrh21stdkrh21
    Not until after we move. :-/
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  • Fergie+1Fergie+1

    I agree with pp. If H won't give you some time to yourself (the 'This is what you wanted' things is BS), then have a friend who really wants to babysit do just that- and go do something or just go home and nap.

    Leave LO with your H for a day- a weekend day. Hopefully he'll understand how rough it can be to be the main -and feeling like the only- caretaker.

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  • MrsDe2008MrsDe2008 member
    Does your husband work 7 days a week? If not, then why can't he get up with LO on the weekend or his off days? That wouldn't fly in my house. Being a SAHM is just as hard as going to "work" everyday. You need a break and are entitled to it. I say open up your mouth and tell him to pitch in so you can have a few minutes to yourself. Good luck!
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  • kiley&mattkiley&matt
    That's horrible and I know how you feel!  My husband is the same way.  Usually what I end up doing is handing the baby to him when I get overwhelmed and saying "Your turn" and either leaving for an hour or locking myself in my bedroom to read a book, take a nap, talk to a friend or my sister on the phone, etc.  Sometimes you just have to take a break.  And I agree with PP - saying "this is what you wanted" is BS.  I bet you both wanted a baby and it's BOTH of your responsibility.  His full time job is what - 40-60 hours a week?  Taking care of a baby is 168  hours a week.  Not the same thing at all.  He still needs to pitch in when he's home.
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  • Jennis22Jennis22 member

    I'm a smartass so I'd probably respond with, "Yeah, and you wanted a child."

    I was planning on being a SAHM (which ended up not working out) and my x-FI would get home from work and take the baby for a little. Not that he was perfect in any sense of the word but at least he realized that I was exhausted and needed a break.

    He doesn't have to give you time everyday, but at some point he needs to spend some one-on-one time with your LO and give you a break. GL!

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  • Wufroggy79Wufroggy79 member
    I second leaving LO with H on a weekend day when he's at home to get to do what you would like.  Even though DH watches and helps a lot, I know I would love some time in the house all by myself - just to do something stupid like watch TV or lay around on the couch or maybe eat when I want! :)  If I get time to myself, it's like to run to Target or the grocery store.  Granted, I like being alone a bit, but that's not exactly my dream day. :)
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  • Angtru18Angtru18

    imagestdkrh21:
    I dont usually complain about dh, I know he does a lot more than some. He cooks dinner and does the dishes most of the time. He even changes diapers. I am a SAHM so I do all of the middle of the night care which is a lot he is up every 1-4 hours usuall a 3hr stretch then every 1-2hrs. So basically I'm tired all the time. I have not had more than 4 consecutive hours of sleep since ds was born and even that is rare. Well we are moving in a week and pitting everything in storage. We'll be staying with friend and family for I don't know how long. Dh got his dream job working for the railroad so we don't know where we will be sent. I'm feeling very overwhelmed about not having a home. I don't want to be a burden on anyone and I'm feeling very stressed. I'm also upset bc I never get any me time but dh gets to whenever he wants. Like today on his way home he went train watching and is now taking a nap. I'd love 30 min to myself but apparently I don't deserve that. His response was being a SAHM is what I wanted. Sorry this is so long. Thanks for reading.

     

    It only took my husband one time to say that to me, I went nuts, and hes never dared to utter those words to me again. When hubby gets home from work, I almost always had DS to him... even if its so I can switch over laundry, cook dinner, shower.. whatever... At least its time where I dont have to worry about DS and if he is fed, changed, happy, bored, tired, etc. Try to do the same.

    As I told DH... it takes 2 to tango, and I didnt make this baby alone.. so put on your big boy pants, and get the F over it.

     PS- U so deserve a glass of wine and pedicure. !!!

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  • sherbetlemonsherbetlemon member
    No offense but you say "he even changes diapers" like that's going above and beyond. He should be changing diapers! And helping with feeding, giving attention, soothing, etc. The baby isn't just a responsibility, he's a person, and your H's son. He should want to spend time with him regardless of whether it's to give you a break or not. I SAH too and don't mind the night wakings since I have the option of napping during the day but we have an agreement that H wakes up early with DS 1 weekend day. It's fair that we each get 1 day per week to sleep in. PP are right on about being a mom taking up way more than 40 hours a week. Talk to your H about that and hopefully he doesn't make another asinine comment. If it makes you feel any better, my LO just started sleeping 5 hour stretches so there is a light at the end of the tunnel! Good luck!
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  • stdkrh21stdkrh21
    I forgot to say that he does watch ds on saturday mornings for 3-4 hours so I can have a nap. I just really need to have me time. I want to do something other than nap. Oh well one more week and I'll have people around who can help.
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  • AvieeAviee

    imagestdkrh21:
    I forgot to say that he does watch ds on saturday mornings for 3-4 hours so I can have a nap. I just really need to have me time. I want to do something other than nap. Oh well one more week and I'll have people around who can help.

    Hang in there!  

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  • JAnalynn3767JAnalynn3767

    Hang in there!  I agree that you definately need a break, and should talk that out with your husband.  He took part in making LO he can take part in caring for LO too, plus they need alone time to bond.

    Now for the advice you probably weren?t expecting -- take a look at the food you are eating.  Make sure you are nourishing your body with wonderful healthy whole foods. When your body has what it needs, it can help you wonders in dealing with stress.  For me, I was lacking protein, and would become overwhelmed at the drop of a hat, now that I know this and address it, I can handle life so much better! 

     

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